I've probably gone over this too many times, I'm not sure what works here and what doesn't. Any comments appreciated. Contains strong language.
A leaked e-mail has revealed government-backed plans for a controversial new private motorway network. This will only be for the richest and most powerful members of society.
We spoke to billionaire industrialist Cornelius Smugson-Pettifer as he swaggered out of his private jet. "The people of Britain should be supremely proud of this magnificent project," he boasted. "All the best people will have access to the roads we deserve. We will be able to speed along empty motorways through the most beautiful parts of Britain."
He later commented that he wouldn't want to share the roads with poor people like lawyers, estate agents, and the girl who has just refused a goodwill refund for the late delivery of his silk panties.
Prime Minister Tony Blair has spoken in support of the project. "Of course it's environmentally friendly. It will take traffic off the existing roads and from the air. It will attract a huge amount of inward investment to Britain and it will be part of my legacy."
A number of environmental groups have expressed outrage and have vowed to fight the plans. The Green Party have described them as "an appalling act of vandalism" and demanded a public enquiry. However the angriest reaction has come from George Stonethwaite, who's business in the Yorkshire Dales will be demolished for the scheme:
"We've sweated blood for this place. We've turned this lovely old guest house into a viable business, we've worked all hours for the last 6 years and now this happens. I am disgusted, I'm furious, these fucking bread-heads think they can walk all over us. We're nothing to these bastards! I hope they all fucking kill each other in one bloody great motorway pile-up."
Not everyone is hostile and some say they would even welcome one of the motorways in their neighbourhood. Julie from Pennywell in Sunderland lives in the only occupied house on her street. "All I want is a rich 'usband, if I can marry a rich man and spend his money that'll be champion! This estate's a shit-hole anyway, I wish they'd just knock the whole bloody place down and build a motorway service station. Then I could work there and find a canny rich man to marry.
"Mind, I wouldn't want that horrible posh bloke who rang us at work yesterday, he was really nasty and abusive and kickin' off just because he thought his parcel was late. We 'ad a canny good laff about it afterwoods ya knar, the kinky bugger were gettin' all irate awer 69 pairs of silk panties."
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Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3362 comments posted) 9th February 2007 |
I thought it was a good concept and even has an ominious ring of plausibility about it. In fact that was the problem for me; it didn't take off into the surreal. I kept waiting for it to go weird and surreal, maybe that's not what you intended. It's just my reaction.
I did like the way you paid off the set-up with the silk panties-nice touch
cheers
J
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Written by Phil (6730 comments posted) 9th February 2007 |
Good piece. As bbs says, could have gone off into the surreal, but still worked pretty well as it was. Enjoyed George's quote - a bit of profanity always livens a piece up a bit.
Phil. |
Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 10th February 2007 |
Yep I'm with Jane on this as well, liked the silk panties pay off at the end and muhc of the rest as well - but could have been a bit more ott...
Elli |
Written by givitsum (651 comments posted) 11th February 2007 |
I think the other have said it already here Atticman.
To me it seems you had the makings here, but it reads a little rushed. A good idea though, and worth a read. Nice to see it come full-circle. That's always a tricky one to pull off, so well done.
Givitsum
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With the others...
Written by Talisker (1326 comments posted) 13th February 2007 |
| Not bad, a slow burn rather than a guffaw. |
Thank you
Written by AtticMan ( comments posted) 13th February 2007 |
Jane, Phil, Elli, that's a good point about taking off into the surreal. It seems you can't go too ott on this site.
Givitsum, if only you knew! It takes a long time for me to write anything but I can see what you mean. I was never quite happy with the way the piece flowed, particularly the first few paragraphs.
Glad you enjoyed the 'slow burn' Talisker.
I'll have to admit the silk panties payoff happened almost by accident. Nice to see it worked.
Cheers! |
Written by Seagull (174 comments posted) 25th July 2007 |
| Not satirical enough for me but always enjoy the thought of silk panties! Keep them coming! |
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