68 year old grandmother Felice Bogspawn is today beginning a 2-year suspended sentence, following a case in which she was accused of over-zealous behaviour, extreme community spirit, and disregard for political correctness.

Bogspawn, of Unity Terrace, High Dangleby, was found guilty of persistently cleaning and decorating the village’s public toilet for the last 40 years. It was alleged that she had even gone to the extremes of placing pots of cut flowers beside the handbasins.

She was arrested following a tipoff by a group of youths, whom she had confronted in the street after they had been personalising the building with spray graffiti.

Testifying in court, one of the youths, who cannot be named for legal reasons, said: “She was extremely offensive. She called us little shitbags and threatened to tell our parents.”

Cumbria County Council, who are currently campaigning to close the majority of public toilets, described the building as “a nuisance and a waste of money”. “She appears to be obsessed with it,” said a spokesman, “it’s not healthy.”

Bogspawn was also handed an ASBO and a 200 hour community service order.

Leaving court, she said: “I look on that ASBO as an honour. I’ll do my community service, whatever it is – littering in pubic parks, sticking ‘Gouranga’ signs on  motorway bridges – whatever I’m told to do.” Defiantly, she added, “But I won’t promise not to go round after dark and clean it all up again.”

Grandparents for Freedom, the third-age support charity whose mission statement includes “freeing grandparents from the burden of supporting the younger generation” and “enabling grandparents to express their wild side”, said yesterday that it welcomed the sentence.

“Compulsive cleaning disorder is nothing to be proud of. Behaviour like this gives grandparents a bad name.”

Source: Dangleby and Pullet-St Mary Messenger, all rights reserved.