READING ROOM
Great Writing - Home
Read and review others' work
Articles on writing
Advice from the community
COMMUNITY
Talk to others in the forums
Events and Competitions
GW News
ABOUT GREAT WRITING
All About Us
Contact Us
WORK AWAITING REVIEW
GW IS...
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you can make new friends and improve your creative writing.
WHO'S ONLINE
We have 1896 guests online and 5 members online
Poetry
February
By ellipinnock
10 February 2007
Bit hackneyed to write about the snow I know but I couldn't resist :)

Real title trouble yet again

This morning I woke to an oil painting
foretelling spring, dreaming of bulbs
straining through dark moist earth
to reach light pouring
out of cyan sky.

Before I was ready the sun had been smeared
behind a slick of cloud,
rendering the garden dull
under waves of grey.

Later, snow fall cleanses the masterpiece
painting the impression
of an uninterrupted white expanse stretching across the soil, path and grass
that peeks through
as I leave dancing footprints
on a space as blank and shadowless
as a child's colouring book,
broken only by half-hearted scribble:
green grass, brown trunk, red brick, fingerprint-smudged sky.

Will tomorrow bring another grey sky
belching snow that Lowry's men must wade through
or an abstract collection of white eye-liner;
muddy Slush Puppie pools of snow topped with grit,
overshadowed by a concave-bellied sky restored
to aquamarine?

Reviews

Written by Talisker (1326 comments posted) 10th February 2007
I liked this Sweet Elli, perhaps because I'm in "seasonal reflective mode". Nice imagery, I particularly liked your "fingerprint smudged sky" and "Lowry's men" - not so sure about "Slush Puppie pools" though. The title's crap, but I can't think of a better one. 
 
You are such a clever writer, not at all like a microbiologist, and such a thoroughly nice person too. If only everyone was like Sweet Elli, the world would be a better place for it. 
 
Lorra Lorra Luv, 
 
Oli 
:)

Written by fellpony (1616 comments posted) 10th February 2007
I enjoyed the movement from past, to present, to future, in the stanzas. Wasn't sure that "later" went with "cleanses"; that caused me to stop and review a little before I could go on. ("Now", perhaps?) 
 
We didn't get that snow incidentally, only a false pretence of grey skies and an apologetic effort overnight that had thawed before I got up. 
 
 
Agree with Talisker's comments too. Including the ones about niceness. Look out Talisker, I think Elli has beaten you to it with this one. Some very evocative images. 
 

Written by Phil (6730 comments posted) 10th February 2007
'Fingerprint-smudged sky' is wonderful. How many good ways are there to describe the natural colours of a typical British sky? One of my favourites belongs to Bill Bryson - tupperware skies - I prefer yours. 
 
Enjoyed the images, enjoyed the poem. 
 
Phil. 
 

Written by JourneyAtNight (314 comments posted) 10th February 2007
I'm so jealous, we didn't get the Lowry painting we were promised. 
 
Beautiful piece, some lovely images. I really liked the concept of painting and art that was carried through it. 
 
E
HI Elli
Written by jean.day (2283 comments posted) 10th February 2007
I loved this one too. While everybody else just had snow, or not, you had a vision that turned into a lovely set of words. I like the sun smeared behind a cloud too.

Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 10th February 2007
My favorite part of this is 'bulbs straining through dark moist earth,' but that is probably because I am now getting more than a little desperate for spring.  
 
I didn't like 'Later' there either -- it just didn't seem poetic enough. But I also liked the painting and art references throughout.

Written by AtticMan ( comments posted) 10th February 2007
Can't say I'm an expert on poetry but I enjoyed this. I liked the references to colours, this is full of vivid imagery.
Thanks
Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 10th February 2007
I'll have to try and think of a more inspiring title... 
 
Will think of an alternative to later... 
 
'not at all like a microbiologist' - funny I'm sure I remember by boss saying that as well...maybe because I spend so much of my time on GW :grin  
 
Elli 
 
ps. Nice huh? :grin

Written by francoise (129 comments posted) 10th February 2007
You paint your poems so intensely that I feel as though i could be looking at this rather than reading it. Some great lines.. 
 
I don't know if it touched me or expanded my insight into this time of the year, but for its beauty alone it was worth reading. 
 
Fran

   Only registered users can rate and write comments.
   Please login or register.

Powered by AkoComment 2.0!

 Previous item   Next item