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Poetry
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| Spring Catechism | |
| By Kate | ||||||||
| 11 February 2007 | ||||||||
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This poem quotes the Westminster Catechism which answers the question, " What is the chief end of man?" with the reply, "to know God and enjoy him forever." I think it was Richard Bolles in his book What Color is Your Parachute that added, "to see his hand in all his works." The sun is steadily melting dirty piles of snow the smell and hope of spring in the air so undeniable despite no evidence yet of buds, green, new life. I'm here on my deck on my back drinking it in trying to collect my thoughts recovering from a week. One I let myself get caught up in it, controlled by, and now I'm wallowing in all that's left: vestiges of embarrassment anger mixed with self-pity quiet desperation. Instead of greeting spring with relief I'd like it to wait a bit for me to catch up. I'm scared to sit on this deck scared I've spent too much time here already scared I'll spend too much of my summer here scared there'll be no one to sit here with me as everyone else moves on. I'm beginning to think my life plans will never get formed will never measure up are all quite petty really... I want to be beautiful I want to be loved I want to be held I want to be taken care of I want to mean something I want to learn how to “know God and enjoy him forever and to see his hand in all his works” And there is no hope of that while I am so trapped and you are so distant again. I can see myself running and chasing frantically looking in all the wrong places for the answers perhaps an adventure some satisfaction a home. But I can't seem to just sit still wait and trust... I'm so unsure about me – do I have what it takes? I'm so unsure about you -- do you have what I need? I'm worried I've blown it all somehow; I had one shot and I blew it; you've given up on me and left me to my own devices; you will not let yourself be found by me nor look for me anymore. Maybe I will never again know you enjoy you laugh in wonder wait in excitement gasp at the beauty of your hand in all your works, in me. Maybe this deck and this sunshine are all that's left O God! maybe... just maybe... you could find me before spring does and rescue me like it can't.11-02-2007 Maybe you could breathe warmth into the dark corners of my winter soul shine your sun to melt my despair, call me to life and hope once more
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