Bit of writer's block at the moment - so I'm posting up another chapter to this one

Chapter 43

The next few days following Eileen's untimely passing seemed to pass by in a blur.  Neither of them could really take in the fact that she had gone - she had been there for them for so long, that neither of them could, at the moment, imagine a future without her.  The children missed her, too. Even Emily, who had not known her from birth like the others, had grown to love her just as much, in a relatively short time.

One morning, Donna was sitting on the sofa feeding David.  As he sucked contentedly on her breast, she thought to herself that he would never have the chance to know Eileen - or to love her.  She had been so ecstatic when he was born, that you could have been forgiven for thinking he was he own flesh and blood.  Still, when he was old enough, they would tell him all about Auntie Eileen, and just what she had meant to them.  She suddenly felt a gentle hand brush across her hair.

"Come on, love!" she said, patting the seat beside her.  "Come and sit down - you look tired!"

"I'm shattered!  I can't sleep, no matter how hard I try!  I just keep seeing her..."

"You can't keep on like this, Jon!" she said, her voice shaking.  "You'll drive yourself insane!  I know you won't believe me at the moment, but it will get better!  It....  where are you going?"

"I'm going to lie down on the bed - I need some time on my own!"

"You shouldn't be on your own!  You don't have to go through this alone - you've got me!  Please, love - give me a hug!  I'm hurting, too, you know!"

Despite her heartfelt plea, he walked out of the room, and disappeared upstairs.  He seemed to be taking it so very hard - finding Eileen the way he had, had made it even worse.  Most of the time, he seemed to be in a daze, and the least little thing reduced him to tears.  No matter what she did, or said, Donna could not seem to get through to him.  She desperately wanted to hold him close, and love the pain away, but he would not let her.  He was so wrapped up in his own grief, that he was unable to see how much his wife was hurting - and that, instead of keeping everything to himself, he should be turning to her, and they should be finding comfort in each other.

She carried David upstairs, and gently lay him down in his cot.  The girls had gone out with Joanne and Steve, it was hoped a change of scene would help them.  She tapped on the door, and slowly opened it, peeping round it as she did so.  She could see him lying on the bed, his face to the wall.  He knew she was there, but he was pretending to be asleep, hoping she would leave him be - but Donna was not so easily fooled.  He turned over and faced her, tears streaming down his face, as his whole body began to shake uncontrollably.

"It's all right!" she said, pulling him close to her.  "I'm here!  Come on - don't fight it!  Just let me hold you!"

"Oh, Donna!  Help me, please!  Help me get through this - I can't do it on my own!"

"I keep telling you - you don't have to!  I'm here for you - I'll always be here for you!  We have to lean on each other - it's the only way we'll get through it!  At the moment, you probably think you'll never get over it, you'll never get through it - but you will!  We've got to find strength in each other - if we do that, we'll make it through - you'll see!"

"As usual, you're right, Donna!  It's just that at the moment, I can't see a way out!"

"There's always a way out.  Sometimes it's next to impossible to find, but we will - together!"

A couple of days later, came the day they had been dreading - the day of Eileen's funeral.  Obviously, Rosie, Clare and David were too young to attend, but Emily had insisted that she wanted to come and say goodbye to Auntie Eileen.  Once again, Joanne and Donna's parents were looking after the younger children.  As Donna walked into the living room, she saw Jon sitting on the sofa, staring into space, twisting his handkerchief round and round his fingers. She put a calming hand on his arm, not saying a word - her touch was all the comfort he needed.

"I don't know if I can do it, Donna!" he said, looking at her, tears rolling down his face.  "I don't know if I'm coming or going - I'm in a total daze!  I don't know if I can stand up in front of all those people and sing!  I really don't think I can!"

"Yes, you can!" said Donna, gently but firmly.  "Remember what Eileen said to you - all that time ago?  She said, when she died, she wanted you to sing 'To where you are' at her funeral - you know how much she loved your voice, she always said it was like no other she'd ever heard! Still, I already knew that!  You can do it, love!  You'll find the strength from somewhere!  Come on, we'd better go!"

As they arrived at the church, it was virtually impossible to park, as so many people were already there.  Eileen was very well loved, and they all wanted to pay their last respects to her.  They walked up the long pathway leading to the church, neither of them speaking.  Emily looked from one to the other, not quite sure what to say.  As they walked inside, they could hear the organist playing Gounod's 'Ave Maria' - one of Eileen's favourite pieces of music, and, taking into account her love of flowers, the church had been decorated with every flower imaginable - it was a beautiful display, and a very fitting tribute.  When the funeral directors had carefully and respectfully put Eileen's coffin in place, the service began.  As the vicar spoke, Donna leaned her head on Jon's shoulder, tears pouring down her face, crying softly.  He held her close, and put his other arm around Emily - her quiet dignity was something they would never forget.  The first hymn, again, was one of Eileen's favourites - 'How great is Thy faithfulness', and as they all stood up to sing, one voice rang out above all the others, strong and true.  He had thought that there was no way he would be able to sing a note, but as Jon's soaring tenor rang through the church, Donna just knew that Eileen would be able to hear it where she was now - she had always said she would hear his voice in heaven - and Donna had no doubt whatsoever now that was true.

All too soon came the part that he had been dreading, and yet he wanted to do it.  He knew it was Eileen's dearest wish, and he wanted to carry it out, but he hoped he would be able to hold it together long enough to get to the end of the song, without making a fool of himself.  As the vicar stepped back, he stood at the front of the church, in the centre, just in front of Eileen's coffin.  He knew that if he looked at it, he would never do it.  As a hush fell over the entire church, he took a deep breath, and began to sing the opening bars.

'Who can say for certain, maybe you're still here, I feel you all around me, your memory's so clear...'

When he had finished, there was not a dry eye in the building.  Donna and Emily were clinging to each other, both were crying.  They were not alone - so many people had been reduced to tears by the combined beauty of the words and the voice.  It was the perfect tribute to a person loved by so many, and who had lit up so many lives, just by being herself. Her passing was going to leave a huge, empty space in so many lives, one that would never be filled.  Eileen was one of those people who made a difference - she was generous to a fault with her love, her time, and her words of wisdom.  Sometimes, when life was a llittle hard to bear, Eileen always knew what to do to lighten the load, even if it was just a little bit.  Even though she was gone, everyone who had known her felt their lives had been enriched in some way - after she had touched their lives, they felt they were better people for it.

After it was all over, Jon and Donna decided to visit the cemetery to look at Eileen's floral tributes, as they had not had a chance to look at them properly during the interment.  There were so many wreaths and bouquets that they could not count them all - it was a glorious blaze of colour.  They stood there in silence, as they read the cards - all of them bearing heartfelt messages.  Donna turned to face her husband, and took his hands in hers.  He was staring straight ahead and tears were streaming down his face.  He had held up remarkably well during the funeral - in fact, at times, it was almost as if he were afraid to let go.

"I was so proud of you today!" she said, gently running her fingers through his hair.  "You did Eileen proud - you sang that song so beautifully!  I've heard you sing it so many times before, but today I think you surpassed yourself!  She heard every word - I just know it!"

He looked straight into her eyes, the look of helpless pain on his face tore at her heart. Almost as if it had suddenly hit home, he said to her:

"She's gone, hasn't she, Donna?  Eileen's gone!  I kept on denying it up until now, but I can't any longer!  She's gone!  Oh God, I'm going to miss her so much!"

He clung to her, burying his face in her shoulder as he sobbed uncontrollably, as the finality suddenly hit him.

"I know!" she said, softly, beginning to cry herself.  "I know!  So am I!"

As they stood there together, at long last taking comfort in each other, it suddenly began to rain.  They looked up at the still blue sky, as the rain began to fall faster. It was almost as if even the heavens were crying for Eileen - a warm, giving person who had spent her days bringing happiness to others.  Now they realised why God had taken her - He only ever takes the best.