This is the last chapter to this story - thanks to all of you who have read and reviewed.  It is much appreciated - and I'm glad you've enjoyed it.

Chapter 44

A few days had now passed since the day of the funeral, and, although it was going to take some time, the finality of Eileen’s untimely departure was beginning to sink in.  It was not going to be easy, but they had to try and get used to life without her – it would never be the same again, but they had to get used to it, and get on with living.  They knew that’s what she would have wanted them to do.

As Donna stood at Clare’s bedroom window, she could see into Eileen’s back garden.  Although it was fairly late in the year, it was still full of every flower imaginable –a glorious blaze of colour.  She had always been so proud of her garden, and spent many a happy hour there, tending her flowers, or just sitting on her bench, enjoying the fruits of her labours.  As Donna closed her eyes, in quiet reflection, she could see Eileen there, smiling happily as she threw food to the birds.  She was never more at home than when she was in her garden – at one with nature, and all its beauty.

She was so lost in her thoughts, that she did not hear Jon walk up behind her, and she flinched when he put his hands on her shoulders.

“Sorry!” he said, wrapping his arms around her.  “You must have been miles away!  Are you all right?”

“I’m fine!” she replied, the tremor in her voice implying she was anything but.  “I was just looking at Eileen’s garden, and thinking how beautiful it looked!  She loved it so much, didn’t she?  We can’t let those flowers die!  That’s the least we can do for her – she did so much for us!”

“I wonder if she realised just how much she meant to us!” he said, leaning his head on her shoulder, as tears stung his eyes.  “I wish I’d told her more often than I did!  I hope she knew!  Do you think she knew, Donna?  I like to think she did.”

“Of course she did.  She didn’t need to hear us say it all the time – she knew!  Just like you and I!”

“What do you mean?”

“Just because you don’t say you love me every single day, doesn’t mean you love me any less!  I know you love me – by the way you look at me, whenever you stroke my hair or hold my hand.  The way you always seem to know whenever I need a hug or a little extra reassurance, without my having to say a word.  All these little things add up to the person you are.  I think you know what I’m trying to say, don’t you?”

“Yes, exactly what I would’ve said, if I was as eloquent as you!  Sometimes I’m not very good with the spoken word, especially when my feelings get the better of me…”

“Oh, but you are!  Those beautiful messages you wrote to me – the one in my birthday card, remember?  What about the one in the bouquet you sent me, after I got my all clear?  They were so heartfelt – another reason why I love you so much!”

“I miss her, Donna!  It’s only been a few days, and I miss her so much already!  I feel like part of me is missing – and there’s nothing to replace it!  She knew how much we loved her – so why did she have to go?  It’s not fair, Donna!  It’s just not fair!”

She stared in surprise as he broke away from her, and punched the wall, as a sudden surge of anger rose inside him.  Then he turned to look at her, a dazed look on his face, as though he were shocked at what he had just done.  He closed his eyes against the tears that were threatening to fall, but it was useless.  Donna’s heart ached for him – he looked just like a lost little boy, who desperately wanted his mother, but was stubbornly refusing to admit it.  Donna held out her arms to him, and pulled him close.  She did not say a word, but just held him fast, until he gradually fell quiet.  Still holding on to her, he began to speak, so quietly she had to strain her ears to hear what he was saying.

“Will I always feel like this, Donna?” he said, his voice still muffled against her shoulder.  “Why does it hurt so much?  I knew it would hurt, but I didn’t realise it would be like this!”

“Love brings joy and pain, in equal measure” she said, gently stroking his hair.  “First of all, there’s the joy of loving someone, the there’s the pain when you lose them!  That’s the price you often pay for loving someone – but it’s a price worth paying. You won’t always feel like this, love.  Every day will get a little easier – you’ll hurt a little less.  I didn’t realise it would hurt this much, either – but we’ll get through it, if we lean on each other, instead of trying to go it alone!  Put your pride to one side, and we can help each other through it!  It’ll be all right, you’ll see!”

“I feel so out of control!” he said, sitting down on Clare’s bed, and covering his face with his hands.  “Every time I think of how I found her, I cry – sometimes I find it difficult to stop, even when I know you or one of the children can see me!  I know you look to me for strength, but I don’t feel very strong at the moment! I’m not sure how I feel – sometimes I feel angry – at everything!  I even feel angry with Eileen, for leaving us – I know that’s stupid and irrational, but I can’t help it!  At the moment I feel so low – I just want to hide away and cry, because even now I can’t accept that I’ll never see her again!  Am I going mad, Donna?”

“No” she said, softly, putting a comforting arm around his shoulders.  “you’re not going mad – you’re grieving.  You’re going through every conceivable emotion – and I understand exactly how you feel, because what you’ve just said describes how I feel just perfectly!  We will accept it, one day – we will, believe me!  It just seems as though we won’t, that’s all.   Come on, love – we can’t sit up here all day!  Let’s go downstairs, love, and I’ll make us a nice cup of tea!  That’s what Eileen would have done!”

As they sat there at the kitchen table, reflecting on the times Eileen had sat there with them, enjoying a laugh and a chat – sometimes crying with them, they heard a gentle tap on the back door.  It was Eileen’s eldest daughter.  She was trying to carry two large boxes, with great difficulty.  Jon quickly got up and took them from her, and carefully placed them on the table.

“Shall we go into the living room?” said Donna, putting a gentle hand on her arm.  “We’ll be more comfortable there.”

When they were all sitting down, Eileen’s daughter, whose name was Jean, began to speak, her voice faltering occasionally, as the overwhelming memories of her mother became too much for her.

“I wanted to give you these” she said, looking at them in turn.  “it was mum’s wish that you have them!  She told me ages ago, whenever she passed away, she wanted you to have a memento of her – she thought a lot of you, you know!”

“We loved her, too!” said Donna, wondering what on earth Eileen had given them.

Her curiosity was soon satisfied, when Jean opened the box – it was full of CDs.  It had been one of Eileen’s dearest wishes that Jon should have her beloved collection of classical music, that she had built up over the years.  She shared his passion for it, and had spent many a happy hour listening to him sing some of her most beloved pieces – including ‘Ave Maria’ and ‘Che gelida manina’ from La Boheme.

“I can’t take this!” he said, his voice virtually a whisper.  “she treasured these!  Why would she want me to have them – I’m not family!  I’m just a neighbour….”

“You were more than that to my mum” said Jean, her eyes filling with tears.  “She loved you so much – both of you!  She wanted these to go to someone who would treat them with love and respect – and who better than you!  Please, dear – take them!  I know you’ll look after them, and if they give you half the pleasure they gave to my mum, then I’ll be more than happy!”

“Thank you!” he said, tears beginning to spill down his face.  “Thank you so much!  I never thought….”

“She wanted you to have these, too” said Jean, offering them each a small box – each box contained an eternity ring.

“They had one each” she said, feeling a lump in her throat at the expressions on their faces.  “mum said to me she wanted you two to have them – she said she would rest in peace if she knew you were wearing them.  She and dad were together until death to us part – and she always said that you two would be, too!  She made me promise to give them to you, when she knew she didn’t have much longer….”

“She knew!” said Donna, her voice shaking.  “She knew she was going to die?  She didn’t tell us!”

“Typical Eileen!” said Jon, breaking down completely, as he gently touched the ring on his finger.  “sparing other people’s feelings, even when she knows she’s dying!  I don’t think I’ll ever meet anyone like her again – if I live to be a hundred.”

“My one regret is that I didn’t get to say goodbye” said Jean, putting her hand on his shoulder, in silent comfort.  “but she died how she would have wanted – in her favourite chair, in her sleep.  She looked really peaceful when I saw her – that’s one consolation I have, and I’ll always hold on to that.”

With that, Jean took her leave, and left them alone with their memories.  Eileen had left them with plenty of those – happy as well as sad, and no one could take them away, because they were locked deep inside their hearts, in a place where no one else could find them.

As the days passed, Donna thought about the concerts that were coming up – and it suddenly occurred to her that Eileen had a front row seat at one of them.  Now that seat would be empty – she hoped he would be able to get through it.  Still, he would find the strength from somewhere – it was simple, he had to.  Donna hoped that her presence would help – Rosie and Emily would be there, too.  Clare and David had been left in her parents’ capable hands.

As they sat there waiting for the curtain to rise, Donna thought to herself that this concert would be one of the hardest he had ever done, in so many ways – yet she knew he would derive immense satisfaction from it, too – a sense of achievement.  A hush fell over the packed theatre as the lights dimmed, then the orchestra struck up with the first song, and the audience erupted as he walked on to the stage.

“Hello, daddy!” yelled Rosie, to the amusement of the rest of the audience.

“Be quiet!” hissed Donna, her face burning.  “You promised me you’d behave!”

“Mummy says you look drop dead sexy in that black shirt!” shouted Rosie, revelling in the attention she was getting.

“How do I follow that?” he said, when he had regained the power of speech.  “It looks as if my daughter is stealing the show!”

When the laughter had died down, he launched into the first song, putting his heart and soul into each one.  Every now and then, he glanced at the empty seat next to Donna – he was trying not to if he could help it, but sometimes it was impossible to avoid it.  Towards the end of the show, as the applause died down, he walked to the edge of the stage, and just stood there, clutching the microphone as if his life depended on it.  For a moment he did not speak, then, taking a deep breath, he glanced at the empty chair in front of him, and said to a hushed audience:

“As you will see, there is one seat in the front row tonight that has not been filled – and that is the reason why I want to end tonight’s show slightly differently to all the rest.  This seat should have been filled by a very special person – many of you will have heard me speak of her, so you know how much I loved her.  I’m sure you all know by now that she sadly passed away a short time ago, leaving my family devastated, as we were not expecting it.  I know nothing would have stopped her from being here tonight, if it were possible, so I want to pay tribute to a very special lady – one who was always there for me, and never, ever let me down.  She made the world a better place, without even trying – people like her don’t come along very often.  I want to sing this next song especially for her – because she always encouraged me to follow my dream, and always believed in me.
 

Climb every mountain
Search high and low
Follow every by-way
Every path you know

Climb every mountain
Ford every stream
Follow every rainbow
'Till you find your dream

A dream that will need
All the love you can give
Every day of your life
For as long as you live

Climb every mountain
Ford every stream
Follow every rainbow
'Till you find your dream

A dream that will need
All the love you can give
Every day of your life
For as long as you live

Climb every mountain
Ford every stream
Follow every rainbow
'Till you find your dream”

As he poured every ounce of power and passion he had into every word, that God given voice that they all loved so much soared to new heights, reaching notes that only angels could hear.  When he had finished, there was, at first, a stunned silence.  It was as if every beautiful, heart stopping note had come from the very depths of his soul – as if he was living the song.  Suddenly, the whole audience rose as one, clapping, cheering, crying – shouting until they were hoarse.  Even the orchestra stood there, tears pouring down their faces, quite unable to speak. Even though she was quite unable to hear him above all the applause and cheering, Donna glanced up at Jon – tears were streaming down his face, and he was crying like a baby, but he did not care who could see.  He looked at the empty chair, and then he glanced skywards.  As Donna saw his lips moving, she could just make out what he said.

“Thank you, Eileen – for everything!”

As they sat there reflecting, one winter’s evening, they could see out of the window, at the stars twinkling in the darkness.  One of them seemed to be bigger and brighter than all the rest – it was then they realised that they had no need to grieve for Eileen, because she had never really left them.  Even though they could not see her, she was around them all the time, silently watching over them.   They could see her face in every flower, feel her breath in every gentle breeze that caressed their faces.  As they listened to the sweet sound of birdsong in the hush of the early morning, they could hear her voice, talking to them, soft and low – still giving them comfort when they needed it most.  Her smile and the feel of her loving embrace was something they would always remember – whenever they closed their eyes, everything Eileen was to them came to their minds.  They knew that, whatever they did or wherever they went from now on, Eileen would always be there, just out of sight – but always with them. Right now, life was good, and the future held so much promise - she had shared all their yesterdays, and they knew, no matter what, she would be there to share all their tomorrows, too.