READING ROOM
Great Writing - Home
Read and review others' work
Articles on writing
Advice from the community
COMMUNITY
Talk to others in the forums
Events and Competitions
GW News
ABOUT GREAT WRITING
All About Us
Contact Us
WORK AWAITING REVIEW
GW IS...
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you can make new friends and improve your creative writing.
WHO'S ONLINE
We have 1496 guests online and 20 members online
Poetry
Tagus River
By francoise
13 February 2007
 Advice on this one appreciated :-) 

Fran.

I eat chocolate cake
on a rooftop cafe.
Slouching for comfort
In a metal green chair,
I look out to enjoy
a dusting of fine mist
over wintersun.

A layer of building
Thick and warm,
Bump and stumble
Along the Tagus River.
Dark crumbs of old houses
sliced up against the new.
Chipped pink and lemon
Cracked mosaic of blue.

Windows tucked
into blankets of shade
Others held up by
shoulders of concrete
looking out wide eyed and free.

In the wintersun I shiver.
All I see are places to hide.
I collect crumbs with the tips
of my fingers.

Such slow longings for sweetness
And a view to the river.

Reviews

Written by Phil (6635 comments posted) 13th February 2007
Have to confess Fran, I couldn't really find the focus of this. You had my interest straight away as I love cityscapes and their contrasts with nature. Not sure how the cafe and the view tie together. Struggled with, 'A layer of building.' Don't forget, I might just be thick! 
 
Sorry to be negative. 
 
Phil.

Written by francoise (129 comments posted) 13th February 2007
Not to worry Phil. It's important to get feedback of any kind rather than nothing at all, and getting honest responses are a good way to keep things in perspective (as opposed to a praise fest from well meaning friends..) 
 
Will be interested to hear from others (hopefully) 
 
Thanks 
 
Fran :-) 
 

   Only registered users can rate and write comments.
   Please login or register.

Powered by AkoComment 2.0!

 Previous item   Next item