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Poetry
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Seagulls
By CliffBowes
14 February 2007
This is a sestina, I enjoy writing in the confines of a sestina but find it really difficult. 

Shingle singing on a Sussex beach,
Green sea rising, licking at boats
Drawn up to rest, before they start the fight
With nets and sails and savage winds.
The fishermen also rest within their huts,
While on the roof, a line of gulls.
 

Dawn arrives with the call of gulls,
Carried by the wind down to the beach.
“Time to go,” speaks a voice from the huts.
Wearily the men make to the boats.
“It’s a Sou-wester”, says one, about the wind.
Preparing himself for the daily fight.
 

They reach the boats, prepare to fight,
Reaching the sea, watched by gulls.
Their sails fill up with racing winds
And off they fly, away from the beach.
Like so many toys these painted boats
Carry salt caked fishermen far from their huts.
 

They dream of wives, and ale, and huts,
And telly last night, they discuss the big fight,
A world far removed from fishing and boats.
Under the watchful eye of the gulls.
Abaft they still see the lights on the beach
Getting smaller and smaller as they ride on the winds
 

The clouds are now clearing, pushed by the winds
Towards the green land and old wooden huts.
Standing like sentinels guarding the beach.
They await the result of the gigantic fight,
Refereed by the biggest of the circling gulls.
As the men cast their nets from the circle of boats.
 

Silvery fish are pulled to the boats,
Some taken by gulls as they  drop from the winds.
Sleek brown skuas in conflict with gulls,
Some racing back with their catch to the huts.
Some stay with the boats expecting to fight
Until they drop out, or return to the beach.
 

A day’s work done, men return to their huts,
Tired and weary after a long days fight.
They smile at their wives - and pull boats up the beach.

Reviews

Written by Talisker (1328 comments posted) 14th February 2007
Nice cliff, but too many gulls - more gulls thatn a landfill site. 
 
Lots of evocative fisherman lines, nice imagery.  
 
"Its a sou-wester" says one, about the wind" 
 
Perhaps the "about the wind" is superfluous? He wouldn't be saying "Look at my waterproof hat" :grin  
 
I did enjoy this though! 
 
Oli :grin
Seagulls
Written by CliffBowes (176 comments posted) 14th February 2007
Thank you Oli for reading the poem and for your comments on The line"It's a Sou'wester" says one, about the wind. 
As a sestina this line must end in the word "wind". So how about "It's a Sou wester" says one "as he's blown by the wind. 
There would then be no confusion concerning his Paddington Bear style of hat!

Written by Phil (6838 comments posted) 14th February 2007
In the spirit of recent posts: Is it poetry? - Yes. Do I like it? No. A purely personal response. I'm guessing that a sestina means you haqve to keep on repeating the end of line words. Why? For me adds nothing, forces lines where you'd probably have settled for something else too. 
 
I've learned one thing. I don't like sestinas - unless anyone can prove different. 
 
Sorry Cliff, although take solice in the fact (like my opinion means anything!) that it's the form I dislike, not your work. 
 
Phil.
A lot of words
Written by bwoz (125 comments posted) 14th February 2007
I agree, too many GULLS, and other repetitions. The message is lost in too many words. Its like the old adage, it takes more words to tell a lie than a truth. Not that this is a lie, but the same affect -- too many words tend to twist the meaning. Example: 
 
"On a Sussex beach,  
(does it matter that it is Sussex?) 
Green sea rising, licking at boats  
(two 'ing' words in a row ruins the flow) 
Drawn up to rest, before they start the fight 
With nets and sails and savage winds. 
The fishermen also rest within their huts, 
(strike "also" and replace "within" to "in") 
While on the roof, a line of gulls." 
 
"Dawn arrives with the call of gulls, 
("gulls" already gets redundant at this point) 
Carried by the wind down to the beach. 
(if carried by the wind, not needed to say "down to the beach" because the scene is already there, at the beach) 
“Time to go,” speaks a voice from the huts. 
Wearily the men make to the boats. 
(instead of "wearily the men" write "the weary men") 
“It’s a Sou-wester”, says one, about the wind. 
(no need to say "about the wind", its like writing "its a blizzard, about the snow) 
Preparing himself for the daily fight." 
(Prepares, instead of preparing -- brings it into now, active voice rather than passive "were" voice) 
 
Just some suggestions. I think the basic theme here is very strong, but you don't need so many words to draw the images -- the reader's mind draws great images, it is out imaginations that connect them. When you explain every detail ("about the wind") and use redundant and repetitious words it leaves no room for reader's imagination to draw images. 
 
Good poem, keep tweaking this one. 
 
bw 

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