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By bwoz
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15 February 2007 |
An easy way to view the world. I closed my eyes half way,
And looked through blurred lashes;
There is a softer world there,
Faded images I can forget and
Believe without recognizing.
I covered my ears with cupped hands
And sounds became muted air
With no questions, no debate
Just warm ocean-echoes
Of a soft Mo-Town pulse
So I rode home this way
On a quiet bus, a fuzzy train
In a muffled cab on a gauzy day
No reason to hurry,
Happy to be home again
“Are you alright?” You asked
“Why are you squinting?”
“The flight was fine,” I said
“Have you grown a beard?”
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Much much...
Written by patterjack (1194 comments posted) 14th February 2007 | ... better and much closer to poetry .
I liked it : two neat build up stanzas followed by a very good third stanza.
The last line of the last stanza is a trifle ambiguous !!!
patterjack |
Written by Talisker (1326 comments posted) 15th February 2007 | Nice little poem - I loved "gauzy day" - this has an almost drugged feel to it for me.
I should think, from a practical point of view, it would be rather dangerous to wander around thus de-sensed - but then, iPODs and dark shades?
Agree with Brian about the ambiguity in the last stanza, particularly the last line 
Oli  |
Written by francoise (129 comments posted) 15th February 2007 | agree with Oli and Brian. There was definately something here which made it worth reading.
Your'e gonna have to explain the last line though!
Fran
p.s favourite lines, first half of second verse (the motown reference verged on the pretentious and incomprehensible)
third verse, lovely. |
Written by JourneyAtNight (314 comments posted) 15th February 2007 | I liked this very much. Thought the third stanza was especially good. Like Oli, I thought "gauzy day" gave it a great feel.
I didn't find the last line difficult to understand, unless I have it completely wrong, but it made me laugh anyway.
Nice work,
E | Ambiguous in humor
Written by bwoz (125 comments posted) 16th February 2007 | the last line, in fact the entire last stanza is the punch line. the person arrives home, eyes squinting and hands still cupped over ears. his welcomer (dad, mom, wife, brother, friend...) says "Are you alright?"
Naturally, with hands cupped over the ears the person misunderstands, thinks the welcomer is asking "How was your flight?"
then, because his eyes are still squinted the person thinks the welcomer sees a blurred face of the welcomer, blurred and fuzzy like perhaps a beard. He goes on squinting because he has become acustomed to the dulled sensory experience.
As for the soft Mo-Town pulse, Francoise, I don't see how it is pretentious or incomprehensible. If you cup your hands over your ears and listen to a song on a car radio you will likely only hear the beat -- the bass line. Motown songs were/are famous for a very distinct bass line and rhythm that was called the MoTown Beat back in the day.
It is only another reference to the muted sounds the character hears, without being repetitious.
Glad you all liked it and thanks a bunch for commenting.
BW |
Written by Kathy (220 comments posted) 20th February 2007 | | I loved the bit about a Mo-Town pulse, it showed humour and was well observed! Kathy |
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