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Poetry
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MY SWEET ANGEL
By JohnnyD
15 February 2007
Wrote this poem just now, while I was chatting with a beautiful angel. I really wonder how some people touch you in the most unusual way???

MY SWEET ANGEL

 
Flying across seven seas

The sweet angel spreads her wings

Engulfing my heart with her sweet smile

Only to touch my lonely life

 
Lovely long black tresses

Rosy pink cheeks

Her beautiful eyes tells me a story

Story of her loving caring nature

 
Seldom does an angel tread

In this cruel world

I am lucky

Yes, I am

 
I know not from where

This sweet angel flies

Into my world

To make my lonely heart smile

 
Wish I were with my sweet angel forever!

So I could hear her sweet soft voices

Play with her all day long

And be in care of her loving soul

 
Johnny D

15th February 2007

Reviews

Written by Talisker (1326 comments posted) 15th February 2007
Bluuuuuurrrrrghhhhhhhheeeeeaaaaoooooo! 
 
The sound of vomiting! 
 
:x :eek :x  
 
P.S. How many sweet voices does she do? Is she an impressionist?

Written by Phil (6738 comments posted) 15th February 2007
On the positive side, it's not in capitals. 
 
Johnny, in the interests of honest reviewing: I really admire your grasp of English. (and other languages it seems) I couldn't begin to write anything in any other language. I studied French for five years and could barely get by in a supermarket. I studied Latin for three years and if I travelled back in time and spoke to a Centurian, I couldn't make myself understood if there was a million pounds riding on it.  
 
That's the positives out of the way.  
 
Writing poetry takes more than jotting down some rather jolly thoughts. Thinking back to all your previous posts I think I can put my finger on what is most lacking in much of your work - depth. Everything seems to exist on the surface. There is no subtlety. 
 
This may seem harsh but is offered sincerely. 
 
Phil. 
 
 

Written by Marybarry (237 comments posted) 15th February 2007
Dear Johnny, 
 
No one doubts your sincerity. I too am envious of your talent for languages. I know that nasty reviews can hurt. 
BUT, CONSTRUCTIVE reviews like the one above (Phil) 
are meant to help. He has helped me a great deal. 
 
I believe a great deal of the problem ,MIGHT be the differences in culture. Europeans tend to write about the problems of life. Whereas the Asian soul is sweeter and likes to write beauty and gentleness. 
Write a poem about a child living on the streets. 
BE OBJECTIVE when you write it. 
 
marybarry :)

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