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Shorts
Grapes
By Fledermaus
15 February 2007
Seems my writing skills are getting a bit rusty... So I'm not too sure about this one.

I leant back and took some grapes from the basket. I offered Quintus a hand full, but he shook his head.
" I'm not hungry."
He stared at the pit intensely. I knew he had been a soldier once and he had fought in Germania, but still I couldn't fully understand his passion. Of course I enjoyed the spectacle and I too hoped that the Thracian would win, but that was because I had placed my bet on him. I didn't know anything about fighting.
" Oh no!", Quintus cried and he brought his hands to his face.
A moment later the Thracian was struck down, appearantly as a result of some flaw in his defence which my friend had noticed and I had not.
" Idiot!"

Half the crowd cheered and the other half swore as the man got up again. I could see that one side of his helmet was red with blood, but I couldn't see where he was hurt. He stumbled towards the retiarius and stabbed at him furiously.
The opponent evaded the sword and threw his net at our favorite. It entangled his leg and nearly made him trip. I knew I could forget about winning anything today. I shouldn't have listened to Valerius when he told me to bet on the Thracian.
" Retiarii are badly protected", he had said," They are just a fantasy-image made up by some gladiator-school. Thracians are based upon real fighters. They have proven their effectiveness in battle."
Well, this one had not been very effective so far. I doubted he'd ever been in Thrace.
He stabbed and slashed at the retiarius, but the half naked Numidian just hopped around him and taunted him. He was safely out of reach. Every now and then he poked at his prey with his trident, but so far the Thracian was able to block the strikes with his shield.

Quintus sighed.
" What a shame... He's already doomed."
I nodded and took some more grapes. They were juicy and sweet, a real treat. This match became boring. Why didn't he just give up?
The retiarius walked around the Thracian and, still stuck in the net, his victim couldn't follow his movements. He was now with the shoulder of his sword arm towards the Numidian, ready for the slaughter.
The retiarius stabbed him and the three iron dents tore his flesh. I heard a cry of agony from below the bloody helmet and quintus got up from his chair.
I hoped that the man in front of me would remain seated, but it was vain hope. He too got up and obstructed my view.
As I put the last grape in my mouth and rose too, the Thracian was already lying in a bloody puddle. The retiarius had placed his foot on his head and aimed the trident at his neck.

I looked at the governor. People shouted and waved. Quintus clenched a fist and extended his thumb to indicate that the man should live.
I frowned.
" Do you know how much of my money he has wasted?"
I pointed my thumb downwards.

The governor waited and smiled. He obviously enjoyed this precious moment. Then he gave the signal... Death.
The retiarius pierced his victim's neck. The other gladiator had some convulsions and then it was over.
" So are they now calling that funny little guy with the hammer?", I asked.
Quintus looked at me.
" I doubt if he can be more dead than he is now, can he?"
" Yes, but it's tradition, isn't it?"
He shrugged.
" Do you have some grapes left?"

Reviews
Nice concept
Written by anorwegianwood (278 comments posted) 15th February 2007
I like the way you write the juxtaposition between calmly eating grapes and a gladiator fight. The ending captures the indifference of the characters nicely. My suggestion would be to shorten the sentences describing the fight. Shorter sentences might pack a little more punch and make the action seem faster and more realistic. Then when you cut back to the spectators eating the grapes, the separation between them and the gladiators will seem more dramatic.

Written by Snodlander (501 comments posted) 16th February 2007
A really pedantic niggle. In ancient Rome, the signal that a Gladiator should live was thumb down, and vice versa. I know you probably knew that, and nearly everyone thinks it's the other way round, but I get upset at cartoons featuring cavemen and dinosaurs too. 
 
I thought you were avoiding that, until you had your character hold his thumb down. 
 
Interesting juxtaposition of the mundane and the horrific. Perhaps you could talk up the gore more to throw into sharper relief the casualness of the observers. 
 
Liked it
HI Fledermaus
Written by jean.day (2190 comments posted) 16th February 2007
What an awful story - but it was well written. I didn't know about the thumb down or up business, so I have learned something too. And from grapes to gore and back again. 
 
I am reading a book by one of my characters in my book the Polish Connection - He was in the Isle of Man internment centre in the first world war. Anyway, in this book I am reading which he wrote in 1930, he is comparing the personality and character of the typical Brit and the typical Dutchman. I will make notes on it and write it up. Being more Dutch than English myself, I am finding it very interesting reading.

Written by Fledermaus (3159 comments posted) 16th February 2007
Thanks everyone. 
anorwegianwood: Thanks for the advice. Indeed the action-scenes could be improved by shorter lines. 
 
Snodlander: Ah. I always thought that they weren't sure about it yet, so I must admit I was a bit ignorant on that part, but I don't think that it matters for the story. The narrator just did something with his thumb ;) So I too learned something today :) 
 
Jean: A book by a character? I'll have a look at your extended work when I find some time. The personality of the typical Brit compared to the typical Dutchman... I don't know enough Brits IRL to know about that I'm affraid, but I presume the Dutch lack a stiff upperlip :p

Written by Phil (6383 comments posted) 17th February 2007
I too thought the juxtapostion of the mundane and domestic set against the violence of the fight, effective. Well told story. 
 
Phil.

Written by Fledermaus (3159 comments posted) 18th February 2007
Thanks Phil. The idea was also that the main character didn't care much about the lives of the gladiators. He just ate his grapes and watched them die...

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3133 comments posted) 19th February 2007
I was as much interested in the the two gladiators as the the main characters. I know it wasn' their story but I would have liked to know more, contrast their brutish lives with the louche pampered ones of teh Romans,maybe. I always read for character. Ithought it flowed really well with a strong narrative pull, reminds me a bit of Robert Graves. I do see where you going with the ending but I would have liked to know a little more about them as you had introduced us to them 
Great description,though 
J

Written by Fledermaus (3159 comments posted) 21st February 2007
Thanks BBS. Perhaps another time. I have written some things about gladiators before, so maybe I'll write something more later :)

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