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Poetry
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By timon
16 February 2007
All I can hear
on the bedside table
is the silent space
where your watch no longer ticks.

All I can smell
surrounding me
is the scent of you
once so raw, now fading.

All I can taste
on my lips
are those too late words unuttered
choking me.

All I can see
is everything I gave you
which wasn’t enough
lying abandoned
next to the deflated pillows
which look almost warm
and if I was to reach out and touch
the indentation left
could I still feel you?

Reviews

Written by poetwithnorhyme (11 comments posted) 16th February 2007
I can't find anything to say about this other than that I like it. It flows really well. I was able to catch the rhythmn from the first line. Very sad, but very good.

Written by JourneyAtNight (314 comments posted) 16th February 2007
Yep I liked this too. Simple and effective. 
 
Best wishes, 
 

 

Written by Talisker (1326 comments posted) 17th February 2007
This suffers from a lack of logic, like many other poems on here. 
 
"all I can hear...is the silent space" - just silly 
"where your watch no longer ticks" - why? is it broken? Or need wound up? Or battery exhausted? 
 
If words are on your LIPS how on earth can they be choking you :?  
 
When someone leaves a pillow, it does not become defalted! If anything, it re-inflates! Maybe you mean emotionaly deflated? :grin  
 
How can a pillow "look warm" - piffle! 
 
Just a lot of images that don't work because the writer didn't think them through logically. Poetry is not a carte blanche to be illogical - an astute reader will spot this a mile off. 
 
Oli 
 
 

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