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Poetry
Truly Listening (exercise!)
Written by fellpony
16 February 2007
I tried using Ahhbee's "Truly Listening" to see what I could make of it, a la Talisker's suggestions. It's not meant as a piss-take but as an exercise. (about 40 minutes worth - how many calories is that?).

I watch but I don’t see. I close them out;
blindness is safe. To see them would take nerve;
how the old man relies on strangers’ kindness,
with dog and begging cup, there on the street;
how the old woman cries for her thinned hair
and the breasts that age has stolen; how the child
in Africa lies limply, not shooing flies
that rudely crowd his wounds, and the old wife
who tended her war-torn soldier remembers
her gladness that he came home, when his mates
returned as boxed possessions.

I should hear.
They may say nothing to me, but I’ll listen.

Reviews

Written by Marybarry (237 comments posted) 16th February 2007
BRAVO Fellpony. 
 
I also sent a few suggestions via P M. 
 
I hope he will take heed and try to use suggestions' 
pat

Written by Marybarry (237 comments posted) 16th February 2007
Did you read what TALISKER made out of my poem about the owl? 
I left both versions posted. have a read. 
patricia :)

Written by fellpony (1723 comments posted) 16th February 2007
that's why I tried this - because you had posted Talisker's revamp of Flight of the Owl. Which was brave of you! 
 
Before anybody comments on pinching an idea, there's no copyright in ideas (see the Random House v Dan "Da Vinci Code" Brown); in any case, this theme was much better done in the 1970s by Ralph McTell in "Streets of London" and I'm sure he won't have been the first.

Written by Talisker (1331 comments posted) 17th February 2007
Interesting exercise, and 700% better than the original. Well done Sue! 
 
Oli
hei
Written by -jellyacey- (22 comments posted) 17th February 2007
thanks for the honest review..:D 
 

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