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Comedy
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| Zombie Fetish | |
| By stan | ||||||
| 17 February 2007 | ||||||
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Ok then, this one's a comedy sketch so you gotta imagine like, Mitchell and Webb acting it out (It makes it a wee bit funnier) but if u dont want to it's no big deal. Anyway, I have tonnes of sketches in this type of format that My co-writers and I have produced and any feedback would be great. Enjoy. Sketch starts with a man walking into a dating agency office and sitting down opposite another man at a desk, he works for the dating agency. Man1: Hello, Are you Brian? Brian: (Dating agency man) Yes thats me. Take a seat. The man takes a seat. Brian: So how can I help you Mr Garden? Man 1: (Mr Garden) Well, I was wondering if you could fix me up with someone? Brian: Well certainly can sir, now if we just feed your do's and don'ts when it comes to women into this computer we can bring up a match. But don't worry, all imformation is completely confidential and stays with the dating agency and no-one else. Now, ethnic origin, e.g. skin colour? Mr Garden: Well, I do like my women pale, like really really pale. Brian: Okay, okay each to their own, erm...what about eyes? Colours: Blue, Brown? Green? Those are about the only colours I think (He chuckles) Mr Garden: Well actually I like my women to have like white eyes, so you like sort of glazed over so you can only see the whites of their eyes. Brian: Okaaaaay. Mr Garden: Also, can I just add I like my women sort of, how can I put it, erm...sort of really drousy all the time. Brian: Drousy? Mr Garden: Yeah, like they're always walking aimlessly and like... moaning. Brian: Like a zombie? Mr Garden: I think you know where this is going don't you? Brian: I dread to think... Mr Garden: Well, you see, the thing is, I have this like thing for zombies... Brian:... A zombie fetish? Mr Garden: Yeah, I really like my women to be like missing an arm maybe, drenched in other people's blood, undead, constantly knawing at my neck...that sort of stuff turns me on, cor' blimey I'm getting horny just thinking about it. I mean look, I'm drooling here. Brian: Here's a tissue. He passes him a tissue. Mr Garden: So, do you reckon you've got any zombies on your old Personal computer? Brian: Well I'll have a look... He types on his PC Brian:...Actually, we do have one, well I'm afraid she's not really a zombie....she's a vampire. But she looks exactly like a zombie and it says here she simply adores human flesh' after sex. What do you think? Pause Mr Garden: Don't be disgusting! Why on earth would I want to go out with a vampire? Brian: Well you just... Mr Garden: What do you take me for some kind of sicko?! Mr Garden exits. END OF SKETCH
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