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The Devil's Doing
By stan
17 February 2007
I came up with this one night while walking home though a storm. I'm not too clear on this poetry lark, I just write it fom the heart. Some advice or feedback would be greatly appreciated seeing as I haven't the faintest clue about poetry.

The Devil's doing: A storm

Twas a stormy, stormy night,

A night so full of darkest fright,

But as the humans lay in their beds,

The hounds of hell embarked upon their gentle heads,


And as the storm grew in strength,

The humans heard at length,

the horror from outside their humble doors,


And as the dogs began to bark,

At the ever looming dark,

The humans lay helpless upon their floors,


But the storm would not be done,

Until the devil had had his fun,

When the storm came rumbling over the moors.

Reviews

Written by Marybarry (237 comments posted) 17th February 2007
Hi again Stan, 
 
Good, but try to condense the lines. 
 
A suggestion. 
 
A night so full of darkest fright. 
 
As humans lay in their beds 
 
the hounds of hell 
 
fell about their heads. 
 
This is just an idea. 
 
GO TO IT. get rid of double meanings IE scare/Fright 
 
Get rid of superfluous words. 
Bring it down to the bones. YOU CAN DO IT. MB 8) 8)

Written by Talisker (1300 comments posted) 17th February 2007
"embarked upon their meagre heads" - what on Earth does that mean? I'm an educated fellow, but can make no sense of this. 
 
"Full of scare" - ??? 
 
In fact, sorry Stan, but the whole thing is a bit silly to me. If you are about 8 years old, I apologise. 
 
Oli 
 
 
 

Written by Marybarry (237 comments posted) 17th February 2007
You edited Stan and it is much better. 
Did Talisker review before you edited? I think so. 
 
Your only 14, you can only get better. But you have to work hard. 
 
I will try to improve, at my age it might not get any better. BUT I WILL TRY. MB. :sigh
whoops!
Written by strawberryshrapnel (61 comments posted) 28th May 2007
I misread the title...But it made me read the poem 
 
I thought it was called "THE DEVILS DONG" :grin

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