Until today, nothing notable had happened in the town of Madison since the year of it’s founding. Well that’s not true, twenty years ago on a warm spring day in 1926, when I was just a babe in arms, the circus came to town. It was the last time the circus came here, that is until today. Looking back I can understand why, but that was then and this was now. “Sometimes you just have to let go of the past and get on with living” as Old Jake would say.
 
Jake was our train master, our “Western Union telegraph” man, and he was my father’s best friend. He was a tall broad shouldered  bear of a man, soft spoken with the heart of a warm fuzzy kitten. He had dark blue eyes that twinkled when he smiled. Those same eyes, when angered, would turn a cold midnight blue. I never saw it, but my brother Jim did, the night the circus opened. He said it was a look that would make your blood run cold. “Gives me the willies!” he would add with a shudder.
 
Like many small towns in the mid-west, we were a tight nit community, where everyone knew everyone right down to the color of the under shorts they were wearing. If you stepped out of line, your parents knew it before you even put your foot through the door. It was a time where the community raised the child. When something happened to one, good or bad, it happened to us all.
 
Three days before my first birthday the children were hovering about the train station, excitement was in the air. As Jake got up to greet them he laughed to himself, saying out loud. “Who needs a newspaper when you have kids. You want news to travel, tell one of them, they’ll have it spread before you can finish the Lord’s Prayer! “ As he approached he saw about five other boys huddled at the edge of the platform, whispering. Right in the thick of it was Joey Knight. He was a real charmer, the leader of the pack and always up to something. The other boys on their own were pretty decent kids just having fun. But whenever Joey was around you knew there was trouble. One thing about Jake, he never interfered with another man’s child or how he raised them. But if Jake showed up at your door with your boy by the collar, you knew your boy did something really bad. Heck, Jake had nine of his own so he knew about boys and their pranks. But he had no tolerance for mean spiritedness. He stepped up to the group the boys; startled and wide-eyed they stood up quickly. Joey had one hand behind his back. With out a word Jake put his hand out toward Joey.
 
“Its, its nothing. Honest, we ain’t doing nothing!! “ Joey stammered still holding his hand behind his back. Jake put his hand out again, “it’s a new toy I just got it and…“
Jake’s lips tightened, his voice deepened and firm. “Son, I didn’t ask you what it was, so put it here if it’s just nothing.” Slowly Joey’s hand came from around his back and plopped a bamboo tube in Jake’s hand. “What kind of toy is this?” Jake looked at the other boys, their eyes lowered. Although the toy looked innocent enough, he could tell they were up to no good.
The midday sun full in the sky, Joey cupped his hand over his eyes, looked up at Jake “Oh, okay, it’s for spit balls! Honest I was just showing the guys!”
 
Looking sternly at the boys, “Here, make sure that’s all it’s for. Go on scoot; don’t ruin this day for the smaller ones. I won’t have horse play on the platform!” With a look of relief, the boys took off like a shot. Jake turned his attention to the smaller ones. “Okay, is everyone in their places? Split yourselves up evenly and each takes a side. When Bobby comes out. Then it’s a go!” Girls and boys a like, began choosing sides. As Jake turned to walk into the station he reached his hand out to six-year-old little Bobby Carney. “You come with me son, you have the most important job here!” Bobby looked up with pride, with a toothless grin he wrapped his hand around Jakes pinky, his little fingers barely closing around them. “Bobby, you may not be able to run fast yet, but right now, you’re the news reporter. You are going to be the first to hear the news. And it’s your job to report it!” “Wow, that’s pecthal, huh Mither Jake?” Bobby looking up, taking ten steps to Jakes one. Jake looked down at Bobby smiling, “Yep, Bobby it is. “ He tousled his hair as he opened the door.
 
As they stepped over the threshold they could hear the tapping of the telegraph machine. Bobby ran over to the window, holding on to the ledge, standing on tiptoe struggling to see the machine work. Jake opened the wooden gate and calmly sat down. He looked up to see wide hazel eyes peering over the ledge.
“Why don’t you come on over here, a good reporter has to see how things work!”
“Wow! Really!” Bobby now almost at his side, Jake waved him on in past the gate. Clickety, clickety, clack…clackety click. Clackety click. “Now? “ exclaimed Bobby. Jake shushed him while he wrote and responded… tappety, tappety, tap..tap,tap,tap ..tappety, tap. Jake looked up eyes twinkling. “Now!”
 
“The circusth train isth coming! The circusth train isth coming!” Bobby squealed at the top of his little lungs as he ran through the gate slamming it against the wall. Jake sat laughing wiggling his finger in his ear… “He may be little but his lungs are huge!” He looking out the window, all he saw was the dust settling on the platform. The children hollering out the trains arrival in the distance. Jake leaned back in his wooden chair, hands behind his head smiling a broad smile, “Mat is coming home! Won’t Emma be happy! Emma! “ He thought as he reached for the phone to call her.
 
Opening day was finally here. The town had an almost eerie quiet as the shops had closed for the afternoon. Everyone was busy doing last minute chores. My older brothers were in their room working pennies from their piggy banks. Right about then a horn was honking outside. Jake and Emma and the boys were waiting. The boys clamored in the back of the truck with reminders from Mama not to get dirty. Once everyone was in and settled we followed Jake and Emma to the fair grounds. We arrived early as Mat had promised to meet everyone, and show the boys all the animals. Mat was as handsome as his Jake but carried a leaner figure. After all the initial greetings of hugs and kisses, Mat took me in his arms he lifted me in the air wishing me happy birthday and insisted on taking me to see Jezebel. “I have something special planned for you Jessie!” Jezebel was the lead female elephant in the circus and it was Mat’s job to take care of her. “Don’t worry Mrs. Jones, she’s the most gentle creature God ever created!” As Mat brought me to Jezebel, the boys took off in different directions with definite reminders from Dad to meet in front of the tent. Jezebel saw Mat and immediately started for him lifting her trunk. Because of her nature she was the only elephant allowed to roam free. She reached out her trunk to Mat stroking his neck. Then with great snorts as if inhaling my scent, gently stroked my face with the tip of her trunk. Then giving me back to Mama, Mat told us that he had to get ready as the show was about to start and that there were seats reserved just for us.
 
The tent was filled with excitement. Scents of popcorn and cotton candy filled the air. Clowns running everywhere, bumping into one another, creating heaps of laughter. Dancing bears, men sticking their heads into the lion’s mouth. The high wire act, acrobats, everything you would expect to see at a circus and more. Half way through the show two men and a woman stepped from behind the curtain. The men were in Royal blue leotards, the woman in turquoise. Suddenly, Emma exclaimed, “Oh my look! It’s Mat!” The three bowed before us and proceeded to climb a pole where at the top was a small platform. As they swung back and forth with flips and tumbles Emma from behind her hand mumbled to herself, “Thank god there’s a net!” Jake reached over and took her hand, “Look Emma, there’s our boy, he’s flying like an angel! “ As she finally looked up her eyes opened wide with awe. “Jake, they look like ballerinas in the air!” “Well, Emma looks like all those times he spent swinging from trees and jumping from the barn roof paid off!” Emma tapped him on the arm.” Oh you Jake!”
 
The grand finale had just started, signaling the end of the show. The horses with the acrobats started the parade, clowns walking and in the center were the dancing bears. The elephants had just come out with Jezebel in lead, on top of her rode Mat. Jezebel stopped in front of us; Mat slid down her trunk and came to Mama. He reached for me, “ This is for the birthday girl Mrs. Jones! I would be honored if you let her ride with me on Jezebel. I promise, she’ll be safe.” Reluctantly and with a smile she let Mat take me. Just as Jezebel lowered her trunk for us and the lions were about to be let out of their cages, one of the bears roared and hit the ringmaster so hard his body flew into the air landing on the crowd nearby. Horses reared and whinnied knocking the acrobats off their backs. People were screaming and running from the stands. Dogs barking, the clowns trying to keep everyone calm. There was utter pandemonium! Animals were everywhere trying to save themselves. All of sudden Mat saw it, Jezebel must’ve sensed it too. Tikki the bear was at a full run heading right towards them. “Take her Jezzie! Take her!” Mat pushed Jessie into her trunk. Jezebel had already had Jessie tight in her trunk. Some say that Jezebel had such love for Mat that she tried to save him too. She stepped into the path of the bear with Jessie held tightly to the opposite side of her face. Tikki jumped and mauled Jezebel’s shoulder and leg. Jezebel reared knocking Tikki off of her. A shot rang out and Tikki fell to the ground, but not before Tikki turned and mauled the horse nearby. When Jezebel stepped forward Mat fell backward falling into the path of Brutus her mate. A sickening crack could be heard. The animals under control, the junior ringmaster came running toward Mat. Calling for help as he ran. Jezebel took a few more steps toward Mat, blood running down her side. She lay down next to him and loosened her grip on me. Jake and my dad came running back into the tent. Jake reached down to take me. He says I cried not because of what had happened, but because they took me from Jezebel. Mat was moaning in pain, his bones were protruding from the lower half of his leg. As he faded into blackness he heard the junior ringmaster's voice cracking, “She’s really bad off, we’re going to have to put her down!” “No!”  he reached out for Jezebels trunk and slid into darkness. Brutus, stroking the head of his mate had made the most mournful sound anyone could possibly imagine.
 
Later that night, Jake came back to the circus tent. For two reasons, one was to look for my brother Jim. It seems they lost him in all the confusion, half way home they realized he was missing. “You take the kids home and Emma to the hospital for me, will you Mitch? “ “I’ll go back and look for Jim, I just can’t bear to see my son like that!” Dad was about to object when Emma touched his arm and nodded. “Sure Jake, what ever you want. The boys can stay by me and Marcy tonight.”
 
Jake sat in the third row of the bleachers, his head in his hands, trying to make sense of it all, replaying it all in his head. “What could have made the bear go off like that? What went wrong? “ saying out loud to himself. “This!” Jake looked up; standing in front of him was the ringmaster with  my brother at his side. His left arm was in a cast up to his shoulder, his face looked like he was on the losing end of a boxing match. Nodding toward my brother, “We found him next to Brutus.” In the ringmasters free outstretched hand was a bamboo shoot and two darts. One had dried blood on the tip. “We pulled this out of Lulu, our bear.” “Mister Barnes, I’m Clyde Williams, the ringmaster.” Jake took the “toys” from Clyde’s and shook it. “ Lulu was a good bear, I swear! The one thing I pride myself on is the temperament of my animals. I also don’t abide abusing them like other circus folk do.” Jim said the look on Jakes face scared him so bad he couldn’t move. “Is everyone okay here?” “Sure Mister Barnes, except losing the animals and of course Mat, no one else was hurt. I just thank God the lions hadn’t been let out yet!” “Me too, me too, you mind if I take this?” Jake said motioning to the toy.
 
“Why no sir, you go right ahead! Is Mat okay? Will he be alright?” “We’ll know more tomorrow morning” is all Jake could say. “Well, we’ll be tearing down tonight,  I’ll go and see him before we leave”
“Thank you, I know Mat would like that, come on Jim, I gotta take you home, your Mama is worried sick over you.” Jake started to walk when he noticed Jim to frightened to move was still behind him. Jake took him by the shoulder and gently  pushed him forward to move.
 
The ride home was quiet, not a word was spoken between them. Jake pulled up in front of our house,  opened the passenger door. His voice very strange said,  “Go into your Mama”, without a word Jim did as he was told.
 
Jake opened the hospital room door, on one side of the bed was a nurse, and on the other holding Mat’s hand was Emma. Both looked up and Emma puzzled wondered why Joey with a tear-streaked face was standing at his side. “Leave us alone, Please!” Jakes tone was strange; Emma had never heard it before. Judging from the look on his face she wasn't about to object. She motioned the nurse and they both left the room. “Close the door on your way out please.”
 
No one ever knew what happened or what was said behind those doors. Nor would anyone dare to ask. All they knew was that Joey Knight had become a much different boy after that. In fact, Joey grew up to become a surgeon. Mat,  well Mat learned to walk on a wooden leg. With his career as a trapeze artist over, he became a Veterinarian. One the town of Madison came to admire and respect. Me, ever since I snuck off with my friends to the Burlington County Fair and saw the Clyde Williams circus, I knew I wanted to swing high in the air. It was when my brother Jim found out that he sat me down and told me the whole story in hopes it would change my mind. Infact, it had quite the opposite effect, it moved me forward and made me more determined. It took a lot of talking to the Mayor and my folks to let the circus come back to town. Every one of them fought it. Even old Clyde was hesitant, but it was Jake that changed their minds. “Sometimes you just have to let go of the past and get on with living.” Jake smiled at me with those twinkling eyes of his, his hair now silver just made them stand out even more. Mat, nodded in agreement.
 
Today is a glorious spring day. The sun is shining, the familiar scent of cotton candy and popcorn fill the air. When it came time for my show, I bowed to Mat first, then to my family and friends. I soared like a bird through the air, without the net below. As we bowed to the audience I broke away and  ran to Mat, kissed his cheek then whispered in his ear. “I have something very special for you!” I turned bowed once more and left. The grand finale began, I climbed atop of my elephant then sauntered out to the ring. We stopped in front of Mat. My elephant lowered her head and ever so gracefully I slipped down her trunk. I commanded her to stay in her position then I reached for Mat’s hand, “Would you do me the honor to ride my elephant with me?” With tears in his eyes, Mat stood; as he approached I commanded the elephant to rise. She took her trunk and wrapped it around Mat’s neck and brought him eye to eye with her. As he looked into her eyes he had a familiar feeling, he went to stroke her shoulder and felt an unusual thickness. Tears welling in his eyes he choked “Jezebel I thought” I leaned over and told him, “No Mat, that was the horse that had to be put down, not Jezebel.” Jezebel assumed her position and lifted Mat to her shoulders. He began to motion for me, I looked up, “No Mat, this is your moment.” “Jessie, the ride was supposed to be with the both of us.” His hand outstretched, Jezebel lifted me up placing me in front of  Mat. Every thing was as it should be. “Why?” Mat whispered in my ear as we passed the cheering crowds. “Because Mat, that was then, and this is now.”