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By stan
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17 February 2007 |
Came up with this one while outside my old school the other week; any comments much appreciated,
cheers School
It’s surreal how a sight or aroma can set the mind ablaze with nostalgia. The mere sight of my old school can kick-start my memory into bizarre, surreal somersaults, I’m reminded of all the time I squandered there, itching to be free of the retched place. Now I crave with an almighty force to be back amongst the dank, dusty classrooms along with the gruesome canteen food. I can see it now, being slopped carelessly onto my grimy dish. It makes me cringe even now as I stare helplessly into the perimeters of the school ground. I feel myself reminiscing again about the enjoyable games of rule-less football we used to conjure up with our over-active little minds. I also miss the undeniable freedom I had compared to my cramped and restricted lifestyle today. We had it great when I really think about it, yet, I couldn‘t wait to end it. It makes me chuckle. I’d give anything to be back there, with my friends, my non-descript teachers…..anything to be back there…..at school.
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Written by Phil (6851 comments posted) 18th February 2007 | Effective piece, but I'm not sure effective, yearning nostalgia is healthy in one so young. (Lose the underlining.)
Phil. |
Written by johniebg (553 comments posted) 19th February 2007 | very interesting. If you are indeed only 14 then this is accomplished, very descriptive and full of experience, which seems a little odd knowing your age. A good metaphor though for enjoying the life we lead and not wishing it away for the life ahead.
Keep tapping, especially liked the description. |
Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 19th February 2007 | Bless you, are you going to have a nostalgic time of it when you're thirty! I got nostalgic for things past when I was your age too, and now, after decades of life, I can get pretty drunk with nostalgia -- even for awful things like morning sickness and the grotty flats I used to share when I was in San Francisco. Not school, though -- or at least not junior high or high school.
You're certainly right about smells, how evocative they are. If one picture is worth a thousand words, then one smell is worth any number of adjectives; in fact, forget the adjectives when it comes to smell -- any number of them don't add up to one good pong.
One little criticism: you use 'surreal' twice in your first two sentences. This is a writing no-no that I frequently indulge in myself, so if you keep an eye on me, I'll keep an eye on you.
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Written by SJP (7 comments posted) 22nd February 2007 | Stan, I think this is an interesting perspective and I too have experienced similar things. I would say however is that you paint a very dank and gloomy picture at the beginning, which works wonderfully and then the story seems to jump a little too readily to positive thoughts. I know the idea is about the power of hindsight but I think you could draw the reader in more in the middle in order to move seamlessly to the conclusion.
Hope that helps a little bit.
Thanks
SJP |
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