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Poetry
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my forbidden love
By darkrose12
19 February 2007
well I was depressed this morning because of "him" so I decided to write this during my free time. please comment I'd really appriciate it

ever since you became my friend
I know that I can't pretend
for my feelings for you
have always been true

ever since that phase in time
I know that I can't deny
that the feeling I have for you
will never get through to you

so much time I have devoted
for our friendship to never end
my feelings for you will never change
but for some reason I locked these in a cage

though inside my head i knew
my love for you i threw
my true feelings for you that was never revealed
my emotions for you that I have sealed
 
time flew fast
but our friendship didn't last
maybe because it wasn't from above
or maybe because it's my forbidden love

Reviews
my forbidden love
Written by glitteryteddybears (1 comments posted) 19th February 2007
i love ur poem!!!.... 
u can feel d emotion of d writer!!!... :grin  
also...i think anyone can relate with her poem.. :)  
 
so there...

Written by Phil (6713 comments posted) 19th February 2007
Well darkrose, you're young and keen to write, that's good. A suggestion: avoid going down the well trodden paths that every teenaged poet has gone down before - it's stale and dull. Have a look at some of rilLie's more recent stuff. (December/January ish) I think she's about your age, but when she writes well, she manages to go beyond the surface and communicate much more than a bit of soppy rhyme. 
 
Keep trying, everyone has to start somewhere and everyone gets better with practice if they look at better models and deconstruct. Ask yourself what makes the better poems work so well. I think you'll find the answer is rarely,'because it rhymes.'  
 
Phil.
Not True
Written by Josie (2785 comments posted) 19th February 2007
There are many people - and I am one of the many - who think that there are many great poets who wrote well with rhyme and rhythm. I think it is not popular because it requires a tremendous amount of work to do it well. I think that poems about broken hearts gets terribly boring - for me, anyway - and also poems that appear to be so deep that you just cannot understand one word of them. Boring!
PS
Written by Phil (6713 comments posted) 19th February 2007
I wasn't suggesting rhyme was an unimportant feature of good poetry, far from it. I was saying that just because it rhymes doesn't mean it makes good poetry. 
 
Phil.

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