verse , not poetry
Six Maiden Aunts
So ladies , you lie there in your narrow beds ;
your neat white winding sheets so chastely tied
to your feet : though now that some years have passed
I can assume that the rot has at last set in .
Now , there was your own most cherished of beliefs :
The rot had set in everywhere you looked .
No longer was the world around you to be held
in other than disdain , its standards dropped
below the bounds of the decency you knew
and virtuously upheld , whether that was
to others' hurt or not -- since God was on your side .
And so you issued your verdicts on them all
Especially on men , ( and even more on the curate
who seemed not to conform to your rigorous code
of what your bigoted biassed beliefs demanded ).
Then , doing your duty in overtly moral way
you took in your cousin's daughters when he died .
(Although for a while you tried to farm them out . )
Here was the chance to gain a set of maids
and at least the chance to remould the younger minds
in the very best tradition of your times.
The elder two however could escape
into marriage and the early choice of profession ;
the third one you most carelessly let die ,
and left one whom you thought that you might remake
into a carer for your late enfeebled age .
Yet despite your indignant cries of reprehension
she found a fellow , villainous in your view ,
wrong class , and of such uncouth upbringing
that he reviled your mores and what you stood for .
She fell , and married him , was disinherited
and lived a freer life despite your frowns .
And so the rot for you had definitely set in
and I can stand at each of your narrow graves
and , to show that you have lost the battle
I can most solemnly anoint them all
with the piss that I have saved for the occasion.
|
Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 20th February 2007 |
And now you can piss on them all over again by posting this poem!
This really made me laugh, Brian. There is plenty to like here, but it is the use of the word 'solemnly' in the last stanza made this for me. |
Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 20th February 2007 |
Still profoundly sad for me. Maybe I'm projecting other things onto it. Either way it's certainly a powerful piece.
Elli |
Written by Phil (6713 comments posted) 20th February 2007 |
On the fence with this one Brian. When I read Witzl's comment at the bottom of your piece, I was a little taken aback. I found nothing amusing at all about this, so it had me thinking I'd got it wrong. I went away. Now I've come back, and thank god for Elli. I'm not alone.
From the very start I could only think of six Miss Havishams, only less likable.
Elli's right - it's sad - there's also something that draws me into this. It reads like a glammed up personal piece and yet I know (suspect) there's more to it. (For the second time tonight - I think I'm waffling.)
Phil. |
Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 20th February 2007 |
I am beginning to worry about my sense of humor now. Or perhaps I am projecting here myself?
My aunts were nowhere near as bad as these ladies sound, but they could be tough going in their religious zeal. And I have known women like the six aunts in this poem who have exercised terrible power over the children who have had the bad fortune to be in their care. So I can easily understand why someone might nurture feelings that were not very charitable towards them. And I suspect that is why I find this funny -- but who knows. Maybe there is some suppressed sadism in me that is gradually leaking out . . .
|
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3351 comments posted) 20th February 2007 |
When I see things like "Verse not poetry" I know I'm out of my depth and so I don't make a complete fool of myself I'll confine myself to content. I don't see sad but enough righteous anger to fuel a war. I liked the double use of the rot setting in. And I would guess they set themselves up as the abiters of the scale of it.
And I can believe that their real bile is saved for the curate who falls short rather than for someone beyond redemption and so doesn't even register on their scale.Those who claim to have God on their side deserve all the piss they get I reckon.
I can't imagine what inspired this but I hope the writing has helped to lower the blood pressure
I like Phils idea of six Miss Havershams only worse
cheers
J |
True , every word .
Written by patterjack (1193 comments posted) 20th February 2007 |
Witzl -- not to worry -- the curate was in there for light relief -- he ws most reviled by them -- and so was solemnly anoint
And to be totally honest , the bit of humour was there to mitigate the anger i still feel after 55 years , though actually once pissing on the chief bitch's grave was a great catharsis .
And yes , Elli and Phil , i think there is a great sadness in the situation that arose , and a sadness in myself that i still feel bitter and unforgiving even with this relief of tension.
Jane -- it does not have the imagery for it to be lyric poetry in particular -- that's all -- it's closer to narrative story/ ballad , but it does have the necessary emotional content to get closer to poetry I hope
patterjack |
Hi Brian
Written by jean.day (2279 comments posted) 20th February 2007 |
| What a story. I'm afraid, I laughed too - at the ending. I think it was with relief at the pissing, which somehow was an appropriate ending for a very tense poem. Were you the uncouth fellow who rescued the last maiden? They must have been pretty awful for your anger to last so long, and still be so powerful. |
Last but not least
Written by Josie (2785 comments posted) 21st February 2007 |
| After adding your review to Talisker's poem, are you not worried about who you might meet in the next world - well, perhaps it may be 6 ghoulies waiting for revenge? Surely, whatever your aunts did, they cannot be worse than the people who make bombs to kill innocent people, or the worst uncle I've ever heard of who has just raped and killed his dear little 2 year old niece. Have compassion Brian! |
Sorry Josie
Written by patterjack (1193 comments posted) 21st February 2007 |
I know and respect your feelings but I am a bit elephantine -- I never forget or forgive injury.
This is a very tame version compared to the first I wrote , believe me !
patterjack |
The bitter taste of rebuke
Written by bwoz (125 comments posted) 24th February 2007 |
what I get from this is a deep dose of bitterness -- and perhaps in a therpeuetic way.
I don't normally read others' comments until after I've written mine, but as I write this I can see your last comment right above, about this being the "tame" version.
It seems pretty harsh to me, and intentional. I guess it would make a tighter connection for me if I knew the person/people you wrote about.
BW |
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