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Jamie filled her glass with lemonade and raised it. It touched the long, delicate vessels of the visitors and she laughed.
" Cheers."
" To your healt, Jamie. And to your splendid work."
What could she do but smile?
The middle aged man looked around and nodded.
" Wonderful work. Those colours... I can truly see the emotion behind these paintings. They're so... alive. Pray, tell us something about them."
She guided them to one of the paintings and made some vague gesture.
" This line is a symbol for the borders we all have to cross once. It's a magical frontier. On this side, there's the happy, colourful life of childhood. On that side, there's the dull grey world of us grown-ups. And this arrow..."
She pointed at a streak of paint and paused for a dramatic effect.
" It indicates the vain attempts to get back to that period. But, in the end, we end up here, on the right side of the canvas, in the pitch black darkness of death."
The others nodded understandingly.
" What a wonderful metaphor."
" I'm amazed."
" Very original."
A middle aged woman tapped Jamie's shoulder.
" I'm De Vries", she said, and, as Jamie seemed to look a little puzzled, the woman continued," The reporter?"
The smell of perfume made her almost sick, but she managed to put on a friendly face.
" Ah yes, I have read your reviews."
" I'm curious, how would you would you classify your art? Modernism? Abstract expressionism? Avant garde?"
" I'm glad you asked. You see, I don't think it could be classified under one of those categories. Of course I was inspired by Picasso and Appel, but as you can see in that painting, there's also some pop-art influence. I myself would call it Emotional expressionism."
The woman nodded.
" Emotional expressionism. How interesting."
She walked around the hall explaining her works and more and more people gathered around her. They were all impressed by her skill and talent, and most agreed that these works were so special they couldn't be considered as belonging to one particular style.
The door opened and a sleepy head appeared. It was Charles. He beckoned her and she excused herself as she made for the corridor.
Outside he faked a frown.
" Aren't you a bit too cruel?"
" Cruel? Me?"
" You let them make fools out of themselves."
" They are admiring the emperor's new clothes."
" Yes but still, is it fair to take credit for paintings your dog has made?" |
Art
Written by 747AM (9 comments posted) 21st February 2007 | | A well-worn theme, but it never fails to bring a wry smile to my face. |
Written by Fledermaus (3307 comments posted) 21st February 2007 | Thanks 747AM. I agree it has been done rather often, but I think it's one big plot of the artists, trying to see how far they can go  |
Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 21st February 2007 | Although I can see your point, Fledermaus, I still can't entirely believe a dog could execute even a nonrepresentational piece of work. Well, okay -- maybe it could, but I do believe even the dumbest critic would be able to tell: the pawprints would be a dead give-away.
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Written by Fledermaus (3307 comments posted) 21st February 2007 | Witzl, you're probably right, pawprints... But maybe he did this with his tail? 
I think you give the critics too much credit though. |
Written by Snodlander (501 comments posted) 21st February 2007 | 'healt' should be 'health'
And I can't see even the most pretensious critic starting a sentence with 'Pray'
I thought that it was going to be her 5-year-old son. I agree a dog would have difficulty, but then who would have thought that elphant art would be sellable? |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3362 comments posted) 21st February 2007 | Can't see why a dog couldn't manage the "dot" pictures that Hirst is charging £3000 a pop for. And my dog can make as big a mess of a bed as Tracy Emin
Just a thought; if an artist is taking the piss does that make him a piss artist
cheers
J |
Written by Fledermaus (3307 comments posted) 21st February 2007 | Hi Snodlander and BBS.
I thought of it going to be kid, but that'd be rather mean towards the child, wouldn't it?
I still wonder if they're simply playing a prank on those critics... | had to laugh
Written by pnc-creative (30 comments posted) 21st February 2007 | I hadn't come across this storyline before so it was a nice surprise ending for me.
It reminds me of the time I was hauled up in front of my head teacher for refusing to take the art critique section of my Art O level. I politely explained that I didn't have that much bullshit in me and ended up with detention.
Nicely told story with enough realistic dialogue.
PNC x |
Written by Fledermaus (3307 comments posted) 21st February 2007 | Thanks pnc-c. Detention for being honest? That head teacher must have been overworked...
Just to show how much bullshit modern arts are:
I once visited an arts academy, considering to apply. So after a guided tour of the building I talked to its head master. He told me that new students had to take a test and make a drawing, a sculpture and a fashion design. I told him I could draw, but I had never done anything with sculptures and fashion.
Thereupon he told me that that was not a problem, as long as I could defend my work. I made some ridiculous suggestions of what I could produce (cutting a hole in a t-shirt), and he took them seriously! I bet that I could have entered that school easily, but I couldn't take them seriously anymore. |
Written by NeilTollfree (51 comments posted) 21st February 2007 | Hmmm, I think this is a bit of an easy target. I think it's all too easy to be dismissive of 'modern' art in this way.
I'm also not convinced that there is this cadre of smug elitists who sit around bigging up bad art in such a fashion.
I've been to the TATE Modern, and some of it I like, some of it I don't, some of it I don't get but I don't believe any of it is invalid or a cheat. Jackson Pollock's paintings were dismissed as something a child good do, but to me are a whole lot more interesting that Whistler's Mother...doesn't make either painting more valid than the other.
Oh look, I've got all ranty now. I don't mean to. I'm sorry for being so negative, It's well written, but I'm afraid I don't like the topic. |
Written by Phil (6730 comments posted) 21st February 2007 | Quite liked this. Nice twist, even if it has been done before. The dog could have done if it was wearing little boots - the paw prints wouldn't show then.
Modern art? Those with with the best line in bullshit and a little skill in crafts do the best. Ever heard of a retiring modern artist?
Phil. | Hi Fledermaus
Written by jean.day (2283 comments posted) 21st February 2007 | I enjoyed this too. So what sorts of things do you do with your art talent? How would you describe your artistic work, if it needed a label?
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Written by Fledermaus (3307 comments posted) 22nd February 2007 | Thanks Neil, Phil and Jean.
Neil: People did things similar to my main character here. I think the whole dada movement was such a joke, and more recently Candid Camera played such a trick on art critics. They gave their cameramen five minutes to make a mess on canvas and then put it in a museum...
Phil: That's at least my view of it. It's a shame realy. I know some painters who can create wonderful stuff, but they live from selling 'modern art', for their realistic works aren't bought.
Jean: Label? LOL. I draw people. I used to draw models and portraits, but recently it's mainly comics. If I ever find the courage and inspiration to continue my comic soap-opera, I promise I'll add some images to the text. |
Written by coosh (868 comments posted) 22nd February 2007 | | Some considerable time ago in Liverpool, an art collector paid thousands for a painting, which the "artist" subsequently revealed had been created by a duck walking all over the canvas. Unbelievably, she tried to sue him, and lost. My only criticism of this piece is that you could have exaggerated the erudite bullshit even more - collectors talk up work for investments purposes, to create a snowball effect. Nothing wrong with taking old ideas, it's just the way you present them - but it made a good read. | `/-
Written by fellpony (1617 comments posted) 22nd February 2007 | | `/-
Written by fellpony (1617 comments posted) 22nd February 2007 | | `/-
Written by fellpony (1617 comments posted) 22nd February 2007 | | `/-
Written by fellpony (1617 comments posted) 22nd February 2007 | | `/-
Written by fellpony (1617 comments posted) 22nd February 2007 | | `/-
Written by fellpony (1617 comments posted) 22nd February 2007 | | `/-
Written by fellpony (1617 comments posted) 22nd February 2007 | | hysteria
Written by fellpony (1617 comments posted) 22nd February 2007 | caused by me knocking over my soup onto the office keyboard!!!
look on it as installation art please.
I WAS GOING TO WRITE that Brian Sewell, well known art critic with extraordinary enunciation, once said that the best way to walk through a modern art gallery was "at a brisk four miles an hour, and don't stop unless something grabs you." He's not the bloke you're writing about then.
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Written by woody44 (775 comments posted) 22nd February 2007 | The artist, be it dog or man,I think is immaterial. The story rightly illustrates the utter crap that is spoken about `interpretation.` Nicely done.
Woody |
Written by Fledermaus (3307 comments posted) 22nd February 2007 | Thanks coosh, fellpony and woody. I glad you liked it...  |
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