Him
He had no use for mirrors , as he knew
that they would never reflect for him with tact .
Mere passing glances told him what was true :
each demonstrating only simple fact.
What once was strong and muscled now has shrunk
to not much more than a bag of brittle bones
with flabby covering , shrivelled , dry and sunk ;
now all that he can claim his body owns .
A young man who had once stood proud and straight
full confident with life and zeal that burned,
bent now beneath the stress of time and fate ,
burdened by the thought he had been spurned .
And so he turns to his wife of many years
for just to hold her will allay his fears
Her
No fun house curves to exaggerate or amuse
the plain flat mirror tells its simple truth .
It does not compromise , nor does it refuse
to substitute the frailties of age for youth
She stands before it , naked and close to tears ;
Allows herself to look with honest eyes ,
to ask what has gone from her with passing years,
dispensing with her old concealing lies .
About to turn away , allowing her eyes to blur ,
hoping that thought might transform the sight she sees,
wondering why now one would desire the likes of her
or in some long past love games play and tease.
Until behind her her long time husband stands
cupping her breasts within his gentle hands .
|
Oh dear
Written by Josie (2785 comments posted) 21st February 2007 |
| Brian, you have brought me to tears. It must be true if you say so, but perhaps it's better not to look. The sad thing about old age is that when you don't look in the mirror, inside yourself is the young person of your youth. i do hope the work on stem cells will help us all - and I'm booked in for the first service! ha ha. |
An unhelpful review...
Written by richard (88 comments posted) 21st February 2007 |
As a rule I think that reviews that merely lavish praise on a piece of work are unhelpful. However in this case I can think of nothing to say other than what a wonderful piece of work. I do hope you try and get this published and/or win huge prizes with it. It is clever, emotional and lovely writing. I was once told that the difference between poetry and prose was that prose had to reach the senses, while poetry had to touch the soul. This certainly does for me at least.
Richard |
Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 21st February 2007 |
These are simply beautiful. Too many good bits to mention individually here. I love them.
I do think that the ending of 'Her' is stronger if you reverse the order and read it first.
Possibly amongst your best pieces for me.
Elli |
Written by Phil (6730 comments posted) 21st February 2007 |
Wonderful Brian. For me, definitely your best work.
Beautiful.
Phil. |
Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 21st February 2007 |
I defy any married woman over fifty to read this without wanting to cry. What a great idea, how beautifully expressed, and finally -- how romantic this is.
Richard is right: all you have to do now is get it published. |
Written by Talisker (1326 comments posted) 21st February 2007 |
Beautiful Brian, just beautiful in its intensity, its tenderness and its honesty.
Phil described my last poor effort as "pure you" (meaning me, of course!) which I take as a great honour. This is pure Patterjack, unashamedly. There are echoes here of all your work for me, from your Dondingalongs to your epic poems, gentleness, sensitivity, wit & humility.
A wonderful poem!
Oli  |
Written by JourneyAtNight (314 comments posted) 21st February 2007 |
Just beautiful.
E
|
Written by fellpony (1616 comments posted) 21st February 2007 |
| too late for me to make an original comment other than a big sniff and a furtive application of the hankie... |
Written by Kathy (220 comments posted) 21st February 2007 |
Everyone has said what I feel about these two wonderful sonnets. It pleases me to see someone attempting the most difficult form of poem which such skill.
I found it interesting that the lady looked at her image full on and naked whilst the gentleman could only glance... wonderful.
Kathy |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3362 comments posted) 21st February 2007 |
Well, so that is what poetry is for. I don’t think this could have been said as well in any other form and what was said was so wonderful. I’ve read a lot of poems and the good ones you remember; the exceptional ones change you a bit in some small way.
This really moved me I thought it so tender and yet unflinchingly honest. I can’t really comment on the structure but I think there is a universality to this that everyone can find some connection with.
What you do with it is up to you but I think it deserves a wider audience
Jane |
Too kind !
Written by patterjack (1194 comments posted) 21st February 2007 |
All of you reviewers !
I am chuffed beyond belief .
And Kathy, I guess men only take furtive peeks into mirrors while naked -- it is rarely a pretty sight ! .
That comment really made me smile !
patterjack
|
Written by Kathy (220 comments posted) 1st March 2007 |
Even better the second time of reading... I read them aloud to myself and recognised exactly what you were trying to say. They also reveal a love story, with the lady's husband being so tender at the end inspite of her joint saddness at lost youth.
I just nipped back for another peek and spotted your message. Glad I made you laugh, when I look at myself in the mirror now-a-days I have the same reaction! You've gotta laugh haven't you?
I will try within my very limited free time to read more of your work.
Best regards
Kathy |
Simply Wonderful
Written by mishmish (389 comments posted) 1st March 2007 |
Hi Brian
All the superlatives have been said...definitely your best work to date! Fabulous...
Great to be back...I'll email you later.
Best wishes
Mish x |
powerful
Written by kevinrobson73 (371 comments posted) 7th March 2007 |
can't improve on what's been said
great stuff |
Absolutely fantastic!
Written by amsford (17 comments posted) 24th July 2008 |
These sonnets brought a tear to my eye. The imagery is starkly wonderful and the ending is just perfect. I'd say more, but I'd simply be reiterating all the comments that came before.
Kudos on an emotionally meaningful piece! |
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