One of a series of articles commenting on life as a single girl in LondonIt hadn’t even crossed my mind that he might actually be feeling weird. Girls feel weird, getting hung up on subtext, reading entire essays between the few mumbled lines coming out of a guy’s mouth when he says “Thanks, it was nice, take care.”
Take care? Take care? Take care doing what exactly? Getting on with my life? Because presumably I am never going to see him again with a comment like that…or just take care getting off the train, walking home, going to work tomorrow, take care until I see him again.
There would be a million and one reasons why I, a female, might act a little odd on the morning after the night before. Reasons all beautifully crafted and intelligently justified; I feel used, I feel guilty, I feel hung over, I wasn’t sure about the underwear I chose, I should have made more noise, no, less noise; I should have tried harder, he was a little disappointing, and on I could go listing these entirely valid reasons for being a ‘back-turner’ in the cold light of a December Sunday morning. But a guy, a guy is simple; he either had a good time or a bad time. He wakes up, picks one or the other and then acts accordingly – he gets up, gets dressed and leaves or he gets up, gets dressed and says “Thanks, let’s do it again” and leaves. Not – “Take care”.
I can assure him that I am taking care; I am taking great care in wondering just exactly what he meant. It was not my natural assumption that his strange behaviour may have been caused by the feeling of unfamiliarity towards someone new; someone that wasn't his recent ex girlfriend of two years, i.e me.
That conclusion could indicate “nice guy, 30, has feelings, will travel”, which simply is not an option. No, it couldn’t be that blokes get the same emotionally charged and confused “I’m not sure if that was the right thing to do” feelings as we do. Maybe they do, maybe “take care” does not hide a barrage of reasons why he might not want to see me again but maybe just an element of confusion as to how he feels about meeting someone else that is testing his ability to be a 30 year old bachelor, playing the field after a nasty break up.
Well, if it is true that men are from another planet, then I appreciate his alien visit to Venus for the evening, I just hope he takes care getting back to Mars, we wouldn’t want him hurting himself on the way now, would we?
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Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 21st February 2007 | Again, I think this is an astutely written essay. Of course men suffer from the same insecurities and qualms that women do, they are just less adept at articulating them. (Gee, I can almost hear all the wheels turning as male brains churn this one over and prepare to counter it.)
And it is true that there is no morning-after etiquette, no way of knowing where things will go from where you are -- and this is tricky.
In terms of structure, I think this is very well written. I found the second sentence of your second to the last paragraph somewhat clumsy and think it might profit from a rewriting. Otherwise, this read smoothly for me. |
Written by Fledermaus (3238 comments posted) 21st February 2007 | Sorry, no experience with one-night-stands, and even if I had I wouldn't tell you  Nice piece. Is this going to be some sort of Bridget Jones' diary? |
Written by johniebg (538 comments posted) 22nd February 2007 | We ll well. I wont say I enjoyed reading this because I said that for the last two of your posts but this did make my toes wiggle ...
On a very few occassions I found myself in similar situations I admit the very last thing I would say, mostly for want of anything affectionate to say was 'take care'.
Now I did this because;
No matter how I enjoyed the festivities of such unions and got the feeling the emotion was recipricated, I always, absolutely thought there would be no chance that they would want to see me again.
So that was a method of saying I cared, I guess - seems little did I know how it was being translated.
Really enjoying these, they have a good thoughtful style that skips along but makes you think. |
Written by johniebg (538 comments posted) 22nd February 2007 | We ll well. I wont say I enjoyed reading this because I said that for the last two of your posts but this did make my toes wiggle ...
On a very few occassions I found myself in similar situations I admit the very last thing I would say, mostly for want of anything affectionate to say was 'take care'.
Now I did this because;
No matter how I enjoyed the festivities of such unions and got the feeling the emotion was recipricated, I always, absolutely thought there would be no chance that they would want to see me again.
So that was a method of saying I cared, I guess - seems little did I know how it was being translated.
Really enjoying these, they have a good thoughtful style that skips along but makes you think. |
Written by johniebg (538 comments posted) 22nd February 2007 | We ll well. I wont say I enjoyed reading this because I said that for the last two of your posts but this did make my toes wiggle ...
On a very few occassions I found myself in similar situations I admit the very last thing I would say, mostly for want of anything affectionate to say was 'take care'.
Now I did this because;
No matter how I enjoyed the festivities of such unions and got the feeling the emotion was recipricated, I always, absolutely thought there would be no chance that they would want to see me again.
So that was a method of saying I cared, I guess - seems little did I know how it was being translated.
Really enjoying these, they have a good thoughtful style that skips along but makes you think. |
Written by johniebg (538 comments posted) 22nd February 2007 | thought I would do one more for luck 
Not sure what happened there. Great Writing disapeared and then when I go back you end up with three of the same comments. So your brief joy at seeing a bunch of mail notifications will be dampened by finding out most of them are identical.
Happy tapping. |
Written by SJP (7 comments posted) 22nd February 2007 | well I thank you anyway johniebg for all of your comments, they are still appreciated!
Thanks for your constructive comments on all pieces, I have found all of them useful, I think sometimes people get a little too hung up on content and forget to make contructive comments about the way a piece hangs together. I think lots of people think I am a bitter and single 25 year old but really I am just hanging around being single in London and writing down how I see things!
I will return the favour and have a read of your work.
SJP |
Written by Phil (6645 comments posted) 22nd February 2007 | Good piece. Engaging from start to finish with a particularly good (and bitter) ending. Enjoyed the wry humour.
Irrelevant comment: of course men have insecurities, they're not voiced very often because no-one wants to hear them.
Phil. |
Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 22nd February 2007 | Oh yes we do, Phil! None of this stiff upper lip 'A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do stuff,' we love hearing men tell us that they too feel insecure. And I'm not talking about Samson and Delilah either.
Sorry to sabotage your posting here, SJP, but you've opened up a useful topic for discussion, and I simply must put in my two cents' worth. |
Written by rube (1 comments posted) 24th July 2007 | | A very genuine and open insight into the complexities of the female hang ups! Refreshing, it read well...im eager to read more on such matters |
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