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One in a series of articles commenting on life as a single girl in London

Should we feel guilty about not fancying the Really Nice Guys? Really Nice Guys inevitably come with a But, that is what makes them really nice. They are sensitive, kind, thoughtful, unpretentious…comfortable. A little bit like the old faithful pair of shoes that doesn’t really make a statement but there is a fondness there because you are comfortable every time you slip them on. You know if you left those shoes in the gym locker no other girl would steel them. You know that they would be there, waiting, no matter what because they are yours and no one else would really want them very badly, but they would quietly appreciate their appeal. Nice shoes, safe shoes that are always an option, you put little in but get a lot given back, they warm you but they don’t excite you.

Trouble is Really Nice Guy Buts harbour a few more feelings than a well worn in pair of Birkenstocks, they too are looking for love. This quest for love must leave them somewhat short since a girl knows there is a time and a place for comfortable shoes and it is not everyday. The Really Nice Guy But ticks every one of the ideal character traits that potential boyfriends should have (probably with an oversized tick in gold ink). He arranges the date, he holds open doors, it is his treat, he ensures my safe arrival home, he doesn’t even insist on a kiss; but when I am sat in front of Mr Really Nice Guy But his BUT floats above his head like a neon sign saying, “Can you imagine me naked?” or “We’re doing it…Am I sexy?” and the answer is always, sadly, inevitably, “No”. What a shameful waste. An uncompromising, ignorant, image obsessed, superficial waste. He is intelligent, interesting, interested BUT he doesn’t have the ‘X factor. (Clearly just lazily shortened from the phrase SeX Factor because that is the bottom line here, right? He doesn’t have the ‘thing’ that makes me will him to stop with the insightful conversation and jump in to my bed!)

I would like to think of myself as a Really Nice Girl, however, maybe I am not – maybe my obsession with not being turned on by all the amazing assets to Mr. Really Nice Guy But’s personality makes me a Not So Nice Girl. You see, the injustice of this scenario is that Really Nice Guys should not finish last; they should finish on top, where they want to be, where they deserve to be. A Nice Girl should have the dignity to want only a Really Nice Guy on top; trouble is his But gets in the way.

In an ideal world there would be a Mr. Really Nice Guy for every Nice Girl, and maybe there is, maybe I just haven’t found my Mr. Really Nice Guy yet, so in that case I will keep on searching and paying attention to the neon sign flashing adamantly above his head. After all, if Mr. Really Nice Guy But does finish last, his Really Nice Girl will be waiting at the finish line in a pair of comfortable Birkenstocks, and by that time his neon sign will have burned well and truly out of sight.

Reviews

Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 21st February 2007

This makes some amusing and pertinent points, but it could use a little editing. I'm notoriously picky, I should warn you, but I doubt I am the only reader who will want you to put inverted commas around the 'But' in your second sentence and change the 'that' to a 'which.'

As for the content, there is a lot in what you say. I make it a practice not to describe a boy that I think is perfect as 'nice' in front of my daughters. When I was their age 'But he's such a nice boy!' from my mother was the one phrase that could kill any romantic interest I might have had for a boy. Most girls don't want a boy who is 100% nice; 90% is pretty good, depending on the girl -- and depending how wild and un-nice that remaining 10% is.

Written by Fledermaus (3492 comments posted) 21st February 2007

Soooo... That's why girls prefer bad boys? For the same reason they like feet-killing high heels?
What struck me most where my own memories are concerned, is that girls often seem to base their judgement on the outside.
When I trained karate 6 hours a week and wore contact lenses, there were more than a few interested in me. Now that I've grown a little fat and wear glasses, they hardly notice me. It sometimes makes me wonder if girls care about a guy's personality at all...

A nice little piece and I guess you more or less solved a mystery, as to why some of my friends who lie and deceive have four girlfriends at the same time, while others who are Mr. Right seem to be unable to get one.

Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 21st February 2007

Fledermaus, it has been my experience that men and boys are even more inclined not to notice girls who are a little fat and who wear glasses. Women are far less discriminating. I once knew a man in San Francisco who looked like a frog, was about 15 lbs overweight, and wore glasses, and he used to fight girls off with a stick -- don't know why. He just had a certain something about him -- and a killer sense of humor.

Glasses...
Written by ellipinnock (1790 comments posted) 21st February 2007

can be sexy on either sex - you gotta work em lol :grin

Elli

ps. Liked the piece - light and entertaining - as witzl said it could bear a bit of an edit

Written by JourneyAtNight (318 comments posted) 21st February 2007

Nice bit of light reading, I enjoyed this

Sometimes all that "beauty is only skin deep" malarkey doesn't quite cut it does it?

Like Witzl, I know a guy who isn't what you would call attractive, yet he's known as a "ladies man" - and he does have the charm.

And like Elli said, the Clark Kent look isn't so bad either!

E

Think about this - - -
Written by Josie (2847 comments posted) 21st February 2007

You will know for certain that Mr Ordinary Kind Guy will more likely be with you, enjoying your children together, and your grandchildren together over the years. But - why not try the young man who has just been turned down flat? (See above). I'm a good matchmaker - but if he is busy with a girlfriend, who will give me any reviews?

Written by pnc-creative (30 comments posted) 21st February 2007

Quote:

trouble is his But gets in the way.

With Really Nice Girls, it's their Butts that get in the way.

I liked this piece, I like it's integrity and genuineness. I also make words up, but back to the point, I enjoy writing that comes from life experience. A little editing, I agree but only to make it flow more smoothly.

PNC x

Guys....
Written by SJP (7 comments posted) 22nd February 2007

Thanks for all of your comments but I did not intend to spark a debate about whether we should or should not go out with good looking guys or not. Thank you for your comments on structure etc and I will be sure to take this on board.

I write as I see the world in a fleeting moment, please do not presume that I am a saddo who holds a bitterness towards the world of romance! Although these pieces are non fiction they are suposed to be entertaining and interesting that is all. Comments on structure, grammar and general writing skills are apprciated.

Thanks
SJP

Written by Phil (6963 comments posted) 22nd February 2007

Enjoyed this too. Flowed well. I didn't read this looking to nit pick, but saw no errors that were mentioned above. Either you've fixed them or I'm just not so observant today.

This is easy to read because (besides being engaging) you've given it a simple story structure: beginning middle, end. The reader is continually pointed in the right direction.

I used to think I was a nice guy, but my wife (of thirteen years-nearly) often says otherwise.

Phil.

Written by johniebg (553 comments posted) 22nd February 2007

Fantastic. Somehow you made 'Mr Really Nice Guy But' repeated about fifteen times in about four paragraphs sound like the most natural thing.

I think this is so cool from my point of view because the female mind has been such a mystery for ever. Now I am teetering on the very edge of my 39th year experience has taught me to pay attention to the great big flashing red warning signs females have spinning randomly above their heads.

I think the best thing about this, apart from that the prose hangs together is the honesty. It is true. I have a couple of 'Mr Nice Guy But' mates, who have each the longest list of females friends and a count of months since they last had sex that is almost as long ( the occasional sympathy shuffle).

The bit where you were talking about the Mr rampant nice guy and not being interested reminded me so much of my late twenties, fortunately I had the good sense to swap out my neon Mr Nice Guy sign for an indigo Nerd one ...

Looking forward to more, good stuff.

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