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By footy
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25 February 2007 |
I have realised I write on the border of prose poetry and flash fiction - here is another.
I survey the road - it has changed much in the years I have slept. The sun begins to set and the knights stop practicing. They step from their wagons, sweaty, leaving them lined up, by the roadside - multicoloured and empty. Darkness closes in, like the folding of my wings as I come in for the kill. When they return their smells bubble up from hot flesh, a chaotic mix of sweat and sweetness. The air, in this century, is heavy with a thin smoke that obscures my long-sight. Their wagons spew forth a heavy mix of metal and soot. Jousts happen at night with lances of light and these armoured wagons. They use two lances - except for those that ride on metal horses, armourless but with helmets. They are the brave few, jousting the old way. Humanity does not see us, their eyes have lost the Light. They see bitterness not sunsets. In darkness their white lances pierce the air for miles, yet they do not see. I watch as a silver wagon and a blackened wagon joust. The losers are pulled out of the wreckage, their bodies shattered - two more to add to the score, in these jousting games. |
Written by Fledermaus (3306 comments posted) 25th February 2007 | | A smart piece. What a way to think of this! It's not poetry, but your style is poetic indeed. I liked this very much. | Written by Phil (6730 comments posted) 25th February 2007 | Interesting piece and perspective. You're right, there are some poetic elements to this. Spelling: practising (s for verb, c for noun) Phil. | Written by Snodlander (501 comments posted) 25th February 2007 | I joust the old way, and let me tell you, I armour up: shoulders, elbows, spine, hips, knees. Even in summer. Difficult to read at first, but when the penny dropped half-way though, it read easier the second time. | Written by anorwegianwood (278 comments posted) 27th February 2007 | Nice spin on a story staple. Cleverly written and well-executed. Claire | Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 27th February 2007 | Liked this, very evocative. I think with this one you got the balance right in this one between leaving a bit of work for the reader to do but not being too obscure. One of your best for me. Elli | Written by Kathy (220 comments posted) 28th February 2007 | I would like to read an 'epic' tale by you, do you think that that would suit your style. I enjoyed the poetic imagery and will read more of your work. Thanks, Kathy | Written by Tusk (53 comments posted) 28th February 2007 | I loved the imagery and nostalgia Just the right length aswell, you didn't drown it in description. |
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