This is a short poem about a clock.
Tick-tock, tick-tock goes the clock.
Its time for me to stop.
There is no reason left for me to be,
so far as i can see.
You have left me behind,
leaving me to unwind.
As my hands strike ten.
Its finally the end.
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Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 27th February 2007 |
Judging by your use of the word 'random' in your personal details, I am imagining that you are under twenty. So on the off chance that this is autobiographical, I would say that you need to hang around a little longer so that you will be able to see a little further. There are plenty of reasons to be: French roast in the morning, Thai food, country walks, sunsets -- oh, I could go on, but I won't, lucky you.
I liked elements of this -- 'You have left me behind / leaving me to unwind' -- I think that is rather clever. But why is it the end when your hands strike ten? That seems a little too much like it was chosen as a handy rhyme; you need something that works logically AND as a rhyme: both my hands are down / now I fall to the ground. Preferably better than that. See? There's another reason to be -- got to finish that poem. |
Written by Talisker (1326 comments posted) 27th February 2007 |
Dice are very predictable really. Only six possible outcomes? 
Sounds like a broken heart to me, and a heart is very much like a clock, so the metaphor is valid. However, a "broken" heart still beats, and where there is life there is hope. Roll the dice again, I imagine you are young - there are many more people out there just waiting for a young, intelligent, sensitive soul like you.
And if that fails, try the French Toast (roast?), that Witzl mentions. Cheers me up every time.
Oli
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Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 27th February 2007 |
Okay, now that Oli has mentioned French toast (as opposed to French roast coffee, which is excellent with French toast), I have to give you a few more reasons to be:
1) Hill walking -- fun, fun, fun. 2) Seafood. 3( Books. 4) Kayaking. 5) The following comedians: George Carlin, Russell Peters, Ben Elton -- whatever you might think of these guys, they can all make you laugh. 6) Hedgehogs (Cute). 7) Great Writing -- people to tease you goodnaturedly when you're feeling down. Etc. |
Hedgehogs witzl??
Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 27th February 2007 |
Cute possibly but as a reason to live you may be scraping the barrel there!
Poem didn't do a lot for me - some nice lines but needs a bit more work and maybe some less obvious rhymes...Thought the idea was interesting though just comes across a bit too angsty.
Elli |
Hedgehogs
Written by Talisker (1326 comments posted) 27th February 2007 |
I read about a lovely lady who HAS made hedgehogs her reason to live. She runs a rescue hospital with about 50 orphaned and injured hedgehogs.
They are BRILLIANT creatures, cute, harmless, eat slugs! and unfortunately, we kill a lot of them (with cars). I stand by Witzl's assertion - hedgehogs cheer me up no end!
Oli  |
Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 27th February 2007 |
| They're as good (or better) a raison d'etre as train spotting, say, or acquiring fancy cars. Yes, I must stand by the hedgehogs. I once got to hold a baby hedgehog that I found near a construction site -- high point of my life, I'm not ashamed to say. |
Not funny
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3362 comments posted) 27th February 2007 |
I'll say one thing for hedgehogs they are a damn site funnier than Ben Elton. There was one gave a great stand up routine in town last week. Then some bastard ran over him on the way home. Pity it wasn't Elton
BTW Liked the clock metaphor, it worked well, bringing in the idea of unwinding and stopping but lovelorn angst isn't my thing, really
J |
Blimey
Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 27th February 2007 |
| Seems I've underestimated the humble hedgehog thus far! |
A clock poem
Written by Josie (2785 comments posted) 27th February 2007 |
| should have a lot more rhythm in it than you have given this. On the subject of the poem: from the voice of experience, don't let your tick-tock end because of one broken heart - there are many hours to a day, and many days in a lifetime. Wind yourself up and start a new day. I can tell you that there must be no one in this world who has not been wound down at some stage of life, but in five years' time, they would be hard pressed to remember why. |
Written by Phil (6730 comments posted) 27th February 2007 |
And there was me thinking it was about a clock. Doh.
Hedgehogs, lovely, but flea ridden. The cat hasn't had one yet so those prickly spines must be pretty good.
Phil. |
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