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Poetry
The Wall ( A Stone Waller's Prayer) Revised.
By Kathy
02 March 2007
This has been altered slightly in an attempt to iron it out a bit. Hope that it is an improvement. Thanks to all who helped me last time. If you can be bothered to read it again your comments would be very welcome.
Kathy



It is not 'Great' this wall
Yet not in cousin China's mighty thrall.
Nor in its place or history can it list
Where, Pyramus fair Thisbee almost kissed.

It might not fill the eye, or swell the heart
And may not be construed as 'work of art'.
Nor, in our estimation, can it prize
Hadrian's construct as its match in size.

But look within its stones, within each block
Wherein the moss and lichen interlock
With strands of feeling from the hands that fought
To tame these rocks, with work and sweat and thought.

See there, an angry cut and here a sigh
That caused the heart creating it, to cry.
And here between these crevasses we see
A smile, a cut of stone, wrought happily.

Each piece of limestone puzzle is imbued
With souls of local men and women true.
Each builder's name is writ in words of stone
And read by nature's knowing eyes, alone.

For love they left their heritage sublime
Whose structure will outlast us all, in time.
We pray that those who follow us will mind
To leave this wall and place, just as they find.

Reviews
Yes
Written by Josie (2825 comments posted) 3rd March 2007
I really liked this the first time Kathy, but now it is so much better. You have worked hard and it shows. Quite lovely!

Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 3rd March 2007
I liked this. From what I remember this is better than the previous version though I still would drop the last stanza, even knowing why you put it in from last time but it's a good rewrite imo. Reads aloud really well. 
 
Elli
Much better reading
Written by bwoz (125 comments posted) 3rd March 2007
Kathy, 
 
This is really nice -- much smoother reading. I commented on the previous version about some of the "formal" words and phrases, and how they create stumbling spots. 
 
It is a two way street, the old phrases and words do lend a more statuesque quality, but sometimes when the subject is a simple stone wall made by simple stone cutters (not speaking of intelligence of course, but of their customs) I think for formal language is to heavy. 
 
This is really a nice poem and it flows well. 
 
Good job 
 
BW
HI Kathy
Written by jean.day (2327 comments posted) 4th March 2007
I didn't read the first one, so can't compare, but I really liked this. The rhythm and rhyme flowed. I too could wax lyrical about old bits of buildings and walls - but unfortunately I don't have your poetic flare.  
 
Very well done.

Written by Kathy (220 comments posted) 4th March 2007
Hi Josie, Elli, bwoz and Jean 
 
If there has been an improvement, I have many of you to thank for that! Although I realised that it didn't flow properly, I couldn't see through what I had written in order to improve it. It is great to have the opportunity to allow other writers to help, I think that I should probably add your names to the bottom of it!! 
 
Last stanzsa: Elli, I trust your judgement because you were correct in your assessment of the last attempt. It may be that after another while, I shall think again. I am too close to it at present.  
 
The reason for it being there is because I know all of the wall's creators personally. They are all amazing people but in particular a genlteman called Mike, who has been retired for years and so is probably rather older than he appears. He was born in the Stroud valleys and knows the hills around my village really well, he is hugely knowledgeable, very committed to keeping the common land, and a feisty old b..... at times but he looks at you with fire blue eyes which narrow with intensity when he talks to you. It was this 'passion' that I didn't want to be forgotten and so I put in the last line as a timeless tribute to those people! 
 
However, I must stop 'going on' now and will just say that in time I may decide that my personal feelings have stepped in the way of assessing the poem critically. I thank you all for doing that for me. 
 
Best wishes 
Kathy

Written by Kathy (220 comments posted) 4th March 2007
Oops... stanza even! 
K

Written by Livinginanattic (466 comments posted) 4th March 2007
Hi Kathy, I've just checked your earlier version and agree this one flows more smoothly. I'm no expert on poetry but this is a nice piece of work.

Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 4th March 2007
Hello, Kathy. 
 
Yes, this version is smoother. I liked the original too, but felt that the phrasing in this one was even better. And I can't helping liking those last two lines even though anyone who sticks around long enough to read this poem is probably not the sort who would oafishly damage a dry stone wall.

Written by Kathy (220 comments posted) 4th March 2007
Hi Livinginanattic and Mary! 
 
Thanks for actually bothering to go and have a look at version 1, I am honnoured and impressed. Nice that you took the trouble. Glad that you liked it. 
 
I agree that the phrasing has improved and I too am quite fond of the ending but I will let it all sink in again. Probably for a few months. 
It certainly wouldn't deter a prat from kicking parts of it down I agree but the area, although classified as an AOB (Area of Outstanding Beauty) has rubbish regularly left there and some damage done. Sad isn't it? 
 
Best regards, 
Kathy

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3450 comments posted) 5th March 2007
I didn't know you had written it again. I've only just spotted it.I do like this much better. It has a flow and rhythm. It works much better as a piece and the sentiment it much stronger without being "preachy" [if I was posh I'd say didactic] 
The penultimate verse was paritculary moving, for me it was the strongest. 
I think Witzl is right the last verse is preaching to the converted.Maybe something more universal saying --with mans grace will outlast him many time over. But,hey,you're the poet.I do share your love of them, though 
Just a reaction 
J

Written by Fledermaus (3448 comments posted) 5th March 2007
Nice poem. 
I liked the references to the famous walls. Although smaller, your wall is meant to last for a long time too. I'm not sure what kind of wall it is, but I liked the poem.

Written by Kathy (220 comments posted) 5th March 2007
Kind words Fledermaus, thanks. 
 
The wall concerned is a Dry Stone Wall and they have been used as a means of keeping livestock enclosed in Britain for centuries. They are very roughly hewn together with pieces of rock and cement is not used. It requires great skill because you have to cut and place the stones together like a kind of jigsaw in order to make them hold fast. 
I think that it should be easy to find pictures of them on the net. These walls certainly are made to last. 
 
Kathy

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