Out of the winter darkness
Outside the cold wind rattled at the door.
Shivering , holding one hand to her breast:
she dropped a discarded garment to the floor ;
then paused before she took off all the rest .
The warm red of the small electric fire
lit up her body in a roseate glow
Her tiny nipples stood up , prouder , higher
emphatic on her rounded breasts of snow.
So naked now , of modesty bereft
She walked towards the bed with lissome grace
The shadows lying dark within her cleft
ready to take him into their embrace.
I feel like Judith with Holofernes : she said .
She took his sword , but did not leave him dead.
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Written by Phil (6387 comments posted) 2nd March 2007 |
For those like me who had a less than classical education:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holofernes
A very visual piece - thanks for that! There's seriousness and fun in here. (Unless I've got it wrong.) It reads like a memory, real or imagined.
Really liked it.
Phil. |
Verse/stanza
Written by Phil (6387 comments posted) 2nd March 2007 |
Sorry Brian, could you run the whole verse/stanza thing by me? I asked someone in a post a while ago - they said there was no difference - just a synonym. You seem to be suggesting otherwise. (On Josie's piece) I always bemoan the fact I don't have the poetic vocabulary to express what I mean at times, so this would help.
Ta.
Phil. |
classical ?
Written by patterjack (1060 comments posted) 2nd March 2007 |
Nope -- Biblical.
Can I recommend to all men who are past it John Crowe Ransome's poem
Judith of Bethulia
An all time favourite of mine .
patterjack |
Not synonyms ...
Written by patterjack (1060 comments posted) 2nd March 2007 |
...just an extended meaning .
Originally -- a single line of poetry was a verse or turning .
Then as time passed the meaning extended .
A style of writing can now be called verse rather than prose
Put a few lines of poetry together( in regular groupings or otherwise ) to form a complete idea and you get a stanza .
Okay I nitpick , but I don't like to abandon a good original definition for a blurred one -- though it is a case of shovelling sloppy stuff uphill to change the way it has now developed
I don't think one can make a Federal case out of it and since dictionaries show common usage as the basis of definitions , the more people that use it in the new way , the more established it becomes
patterjack
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Written by Kathy (220 comments posted) 3rd March 2007 |
Beautiful in its simplicity, master. I really loved it.
Glad of the wikipedia reference. I read the Ransom 'And now their whilte bones clutter the holes of foxes' - superb image and such a sensual poem.
Verse/stanza - highly informative, didn't realise that joining this site would give me such a wonderful education!
Kathy |
Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 3rd March 2007 |
I wouldn't mind a little of what you've been eating or drinking, Brian!
This is a fine piece of work and it has made my winter a little warmer.
What classical education I have had has been piecemeal and catch- as-catch-can; I remember Holofernes and Judith from a Caravaggio painting and from the Bible. Bored out of my mind, I used to comb through the Old Testament for juicy bits during long Sunday sermons. I certainly found this one. And I seem to remember that Dante had something to say about General H as well -- surely he was either proud or greedy, perhaps both.
Glad the warrior in this poem gets to keep his head -- and his sword. |
Intriguing
Written by bwoz (125 comments posted) 3rd March 2007 |
It has elements of theater, starts off a bit abstract -- not a bad thing really. The images of a woman's body, at least to this old guy, is very intriguing -- sexy for certain, but the scenery of a woman disrobing near a glowing fire hints at every man's fantasy.
I am not as well read as most so the references at the end are lost on me, but I sense that there is some real historical literacy injected here, and even though I don't know the specific reference I think I get the picture.
Nicely writ.
BW |
Out of the winter darkness
Written by CliffBowes (176 comments posted) 3rd March 2007 |
| A very lovely poem, beautifully written. The young lady of the poem was abviously well read, to make such a comment on grasping her lovers 'sword'. I hope she, like Judith, lives to 105. |
Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 3rd March 2007 |
Good old Judith - a fantastic original and this too is worthy. Very visual and skilled as always.
E |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3136 comments posted) 5th March 2007 |
So this is the erotic poem you mentioned earlier. I thought it tingled with erotic tension without getting too graphic [not that I object to that but it stops being a poem then] It's said eroticism is using just a feather whereas porograhpy is using the whole chicken and this is definitley just the feather. Sorry I didn't mean to be flippant, it was a beautiful piece of writing and it didn't matter that I didn't get the classical reference. Igot the meaning of it which is what matters
I'll PM this eveing
J |
Mesmerising
Written by mishmish (389 comments posted) 5th March 2007 |
This was beautiful, the words wove a scene, and I felt like this woman was captured in time. I could see the images so very clearly, it had an almost cinematic quality to it. A wooden cabin somewhere in the mountains, and the woman caught in the warm glow of the fire. So subtle, but so incredibly erotic at the same time.
Wonderful....
best wishes
mish x |
Written by Kathy (220 comments posted) 7th March 2007 |
My message regarding the 'Ready to publish' rating that I gave this poem hasn't been registered!!
I wanted to say that:
It is simply beautiful, with perfect meter and the language is not over written. It creates a magical atmosphere and I cannot find fault in this poem!
I think that it is a wonderful example of a well written poem.
Kathy
P.S. HOW DO YOU MAKE THE STARS AT THE TOP OF THE WORK LIGHT UP ?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
Written by petetheverse (164 comments posted) 1st February 2008 |
PJ,
Just came across this in the 'random' part at the left hand side of the page.
What a beautifully controlled sonnet.
You have so much more behind you than so many of us here; a classical education (?), and the wisdom of how to use it to enrich the lives of those around you, and in so doing possibly your own.
PTV |
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