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Poetry
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Sonora Wave
By bwoz
03 March 2007
A bit long, somewhat depressed, but it does get hot here.

The high-noon Sonoran sky is a blast furnace,
110 degrees of dry heat. So hot
the lizards can only survive in shade,
or they blister and die.

I step into this gloom of brightness
that bakes the old adobe walls
like an ancient curse.

The sun hound scorches;
turns my shoes into oven bricks. 

I stumble into some rumpled old men
sitting outside the dog track. They came in
one blighted day some 40 years ago
on the boom-town Copper Express

they melted here, then just as now

They laugh at my suffering
as I shade my face and cross the road.
The shadows sweat, then swallow my eyes
while terracotta steps splash heat
when I walk by.

Yo, hombre, you got feefty?

I think to myself
Goddamn dogs won’t run,
can’t even die good in this shit.

Yeah man, I put fifty down
on a silver Greyhound named Westbound
headed for the coast ‘cause its basic survival now

I drag my brick feet into a saloon
to wait for my midnight escape.
The beer is cold but there is no forgiveness here.

Finally, darkness arrives like anger,
the temperature still at 105.
Ghostly shapes stir and gather in the aching hume

Hatted silhouettes of machismo trickle from dark doorways.
They circle and sneer, nod at each other,
leaning into their adobe shadows like perched herons;
like the grey herons they call blue.

They become a mirage in the moonlight 
just a glassy promise, smoky dull
a sidewalk peep-show of phantom pleasure
It will all be dust by morning

I float away from the bar on beer fumes and hot cement
with a ticket in my shirt pocket, past the dog track
and a surly prostitute teasing three old men.

Those melted old men. They bet
the 3 and 5 daily double
and coaxed another lizard from the grey heron’s mouth.

Reviews
May I ask you - -
Written by Josie (2732 comments posted) 3rd March 2007
Why do you consider this is poetry and not prose? I think it would be so good not broken up into short lines, and filled out with more details and, in its interesting way, put into the non fiction side. Prose has equal importance to poetry.
Yes it can be
Written by bwoz (125 comments posted) 3rd March 2007
Thanks Josie: 
 
I guess why I consider in this to a poem is that is includes elements of poetry (simily, metaphor, denotaton, connotation, imagery, irony) that are very expressive and serve to illustrate a very distinct image overall -- that it is hotter than hell that day and this guy just wants to get on the bus and leave. 
 
You are correct, it could very easily be formatted as prose. Really all that would separate the two forms of writing is that this is not in paragraph form, as a lot of prose incorporates some of the same elements of writing I mention above. 
 
I did write this as a paragraph at first; I write a lof of my poems as paragraphs first. I just think that the overall imagery and the strong elements that I have tried to make use of are better suited to a poem. 
 
I might repost this as a paragraph in the prose section for comparison's sake, see what it looks like that way. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and commenting. 
 
BW

Written by Phil (6635 comments posted) 3rd March 2007
I can see where Josie is coming from, but I think this is your strongest poem by quite some way. I thought 'Gloom of brightness' was excellent. Funny how we all differ in our tastes. If you were to write this in prose, I think you'd have to make a few changes that would curtail the overall effect. You mention a distinct overall image - you succeeded in creating that very well for me. 
 
Enjoyed very, very much. 
 
Phil. 
 
Hi bwoz
Written by Josie (2732 comments posted) 3rd March 2007
I have looked at this several times, and I really think that you could still use the elements of language that you have used, and develop this writing to make it wonderful as a piece of written prose. It was only a thought, but it is something to play with isn't it? I love prose, and, of course, there are some wonderful pieces of prose to read. I love DH Lawrence's "Flowers of Tuscany". He could have written it as poetry, but it is so much more effective as prose. Do read it if you get the chance. You will find it delightful. You could try it both ways and see what response you get from other GW readers. Good luck!

Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 3rd March 2007
I loved the imagery in this, beautiful. For what it's worth, I thought it was a bit too long and got prosy in the middle section but there are some beautiful touches. If you can bear to trim it down you'll have a really strong piece imo. Overall I liked this very much. 
 
Elli
Re: all
Written by bwoz (125 comments posted) 3rd March 2007
Thank you Phil, Josie and Elli.  
 
When I write I keep the reader in mind and try to use expressions and images that will help transport the reader. I hope this has taken you all to downtown Tucson on a hot August day. 
 
I will, in fact, read DH Lawrence, Josie. Thanks for that suggestion. I will also post this as prose (If I can find my original draft -- might have written over it already). 
 
Phil, you are correct that in prose form I will have to adjust and realign some lines, make complete senteces, proper grammar (as if I know what that is). 
 
Thanks all, 
 
BW

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