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Poetry
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What If
By bwoz
04 March 2007
Its long -- but only 4 stanza, really.

I watched it grow, the loneliness,
But I did nothing, let you drag yourself
through your own Hell and you lingered,
obsessed with judgment, 
pebbles of worry into boulders of despair
“What if” never occurred to me.
You called for wine, every day
and every day I bought more, and we drank more.
I didn't know the loneliness could spread.

“What if…” someone will ask,
Then the fists will fly because I’ll be damned
if it’s anyone else’s business but mine.
I ask myself “What if” every day now
What if we had stayed on the coast?
What if I was still in the trenches?
What if I didn’t bring more wine?
What if winged monkeys were launched
against that girl and her little dog;
Yeah, what if. Just a lie we sell.

What if we were lucky?
What if our teeth were whiter,
if everything we loved could be
said at breakfast, and thought about all day
and offered as quiet dinner conversation.
But we could only feel our way then,
through the garrote fog of guilt,
Tears for the Trail of Tears,
Sighs for the Bridge of Sighs
The Murder of Innocence at Columbine.
You had your guilt and I had mine.

I was terrified. What if I can’t explain
“How’s your wife? How‘re you doing?”
I can’t shrug “No dignity for the dying,
A death bed in the front room, tubes filling
piss bags, a nurse a day, morphine adjusted
For 85 pounds of crying skin.”
So I tell them – I held you; two hours, three, four
Every night, I held you – held on to those hours
And your loneliness never occurred to me
Until long after you had let go.

Reviews

Written by ellipinnock (1784 comments posted) 4th March 2007
First impression - very powerful piece. I'll come back later when I've got time to think about it properly. 
 
Elli

Written by Kathy (220 comments posted) 4th March 2007
I shall also have to re-read this later in order for it to sink in. Of-course it is a deeply moving piece, with an enormous amount of deep understanding and life experience and saddnes. I found it 'elegant' too because of its intelligence.  
 
I have read the debate concerning poetry/prose in one of your other pieces and have considered it here. I have a wide taste and enjoy well crafted work in almost any style so hope am not too biased.  
 
I think that this poem works very well as it is and there are several poetical techniques employed here. I don't know what would classify a poem again prose because it must vary from country to country so I wouldn't say that strict ryhme or meter shouldn't be the only mark of poetry.  
 
I have attempted some prose writting but still keeping a poetical use of language which I think can make a piece come very close to the reader and think that the above piece could also keep its poetical content in prose form... I don't think that that has to be lost.  
 
Sorry to go on! All I wanted to say was that you have chosen the form of poetry for this piece and I think that that is perfectly ok and very good it is too. 
 
Kathy

Written by Phil (6959 comments posted) 4th March 2007
Autobiographical or fiction, this piece has power. It has a gentle rhythm and cadence that pulls you along and creates (for me at least) a distance from the words - almost a step back that allows the reader to experience the emotion from a distance. Almost as if - this is the writer's emotion, not the reader's. Perhaps I'm projecting too much into it. 
 
This wil be one I'll come back to. Top stuff. 
 
Phil. 
 
(It's all about opinion I suppose - but I for me, this is definitely poetry.)

Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 4th March 2007
I found this moving and painful to read, but compelling. Before I read the other reviews I was telling myself that I would come back to this one, not give a quick review. Now I will sound as though I am just echoing the others, but there it is. I will have to come back to this one. I have some experience with terminally ill people and how caring for them can distance you from others -- and from them, too -- so this struck a deep chord.
"What if .........?"
Written by Bagheera (683 comments posted) 4th March 2007
Just has to be the saddest question of all time - and at the same time one every writer continually poses every time [s]he is faced with the challenge of a blank sheet of paper and the overwhelming compulsion to soil the pristine surface with something .................. :sigh  
 
You take us through several different levels of meaning associated with the phrase, which I think is excellent: some work is demanded of the reader, which enhances the poet's work every time. 
 
I too will have to return to this once I have digested it. Maybe I too will find several levels of meaning .......... thank you for a thoughtful piece of powerful writing.

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