READING ROOM
Great Writing - Home
Read and review others' work
Articles on writing
Advice from the community
COMMUNITY
Talk to others in the forums
Events and Competitions
GW News
ABOUT GREAT WRITING
All About Us
Contact Us
WORK AWAITING REVIEW
GW IS...
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you can make new friends and improve your creative writing.
WHO'S ONLINE
We have 1192 guests online and 2 members online
Poetry
Sing for me
By ellipinnock
05 March 2007
Sing for me in the Wintertime.
Sing for me of love and loss and birth and death
and here at the beginning of my days I will stand and sing for you
of future hopes flying through my thoughts,
of present pleasures filling me,
of emptiness and hopelessness
and the delights of living in the Springtime.
I have sung these things before,
have even meant these things before
but will sing and mean them again for you.

Sing for me at the end of your days;
look back across the years and sing.
Sing me mistakes I have yet to make,
weave me a melody of Summer to come,
all splendour and frenzy and sing me Autumn
in its majesty, tall splendour resisting the
downward pull of passing years.

Do not sing me Winter, coming hard on the heels
of the flame-haired beauty Autumn.
Leave the aching of wind-chilled bones,
the inertia of hard-set patterns and the haunting
footsteps that slip ever closer in your wake,
promising an end to everything.

I will share the bloom of Spring with you,
my wild-eyed wonder can be yours
if you will sing to me of Summer's heat
and Autumn's bonfire and leave the insipid, seeping cold of Winter
until I must rush onwards,
leaving Spring behind
and you must head west, across the sea
and sing to me no more.

Reviews
Lovely
Written by Josie (2825 comments posted) 5th March 2007
I agree with you about winter. Don't sing to me of winter for I long to breathe in some warmth into my lungs. I can see how I could head west, across the sea to you Witzl, but why then stop singing? I loved your images, especially that of flame-haired autumn. I'm not sure about "Sing me mistakes I have yet to make". Unfortunately no one can save you from these. I think something better could replace these particular words - but only you can think what. A lovely, thoughtful poem.
Hi Josie
Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 5th March 2007
Heading west across the sea is a reference to passing beyond this world - dying in fact. I do agree with you about Winter although the seasons in this poem are largely symbolic. 
 
It's true no-one can save you from mistakes you haven't made but I like to think we can learn a little from other people's mistakes. 
 
I'm glad you liked the poem Josie 
 
Elli

Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 5th March 2007
I very much enjoyed this, Elli -- a bit different from your usual poems, but beautifully lyrical and with a good message.  
 
I know how Josie feels -- I'm tired of winter, too -- but having just read bwoz's Sonora dessert poem-prose, go on -- sing to me of winter too, as long as I don't have to go back to that heat. . . (just joking, of course).  
 
As for learning from other's mistakes, I agree with you 100%. Of course we all have to make our own mistakes, but I believe that we can learn a little from others because I have seen this happen. I think if I didn't believe that this was possible, I wouldn't have such a burning desire to write and have my work widely read.

Written by Kathy (220 comments posted) 5th March 2007
'Sing me mistakes I have yet to make' I think was lovely because I think that it means tell me the story of them... 
 
I also saw the sun setting to the West across the sea, another metaphor for death? 
 
I love poetry that I can speak aloud and get into that 'other' place, if you know what I mean and this allowed me to do that. 
 
Kathy
hmm...
Written by no1butClo (339 comments posted) 5th March 2007
I'm not sure about this, elli. Not your best work, but there are some good bits. Right now it's only just this side of sickly, and could do with coming away from it a bit more. 
 
I did like 'mistakes I have yet to make' as well, but 'of present pleasures filling me'...is it just my teenage mind that let out a quite snigger? Sorry to ruin a really nice line, but it's just not something certain audiences should read hehehe :roll  
 
needs improving, but i like it 
 
clo x 
 
ps I hate it when people try to re-work my stuff for me, but maybe get rid of 'future' from 'of future hopes'? though that may change the meaning - it was just a thought

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3445 comments posted) 5th March 2007
I think this was one of your most accesible poems,even I could understand the symbolism and enjoy it all the more. In fact I was quite bowled over by it. I think it is the best one you have posted, sometimes the poetic devices can get in the way a bit but this seemed to come straight from the heart. You had something to say and you told it beautifully 
I especially like the way you differentiated between singing in Wintertime and singing winter. One of those pieces that stays with you. 
Deserves publication 
J
Hi Elli
Written by jean.day (2326 comments posted) 5th March 2007
I loved it, and I understood it, which always makes me feel better. It's beautiful.

Written by patterjack (1328 comments posted) 5th March 2007
All overcome ...
Written by patterjack (1328 comments posted) 5th March 2007
... I hit the fumble button 
 
I agree wholeheartedly with BBS and Jean. From the heart.  
 
I will say no more than that as i may hit that cursed button again  
 
patterjack

Written by Phil (6836 comments posted) 5th March 2007
Thumbs up from me Elli. There's so much to like about this. I love the refrain - 'Sing to me' and the way you've written the rest around it. I know I sound like an old record, but the rhythm was wonderful. A little like waves washing up the beach and then retreating. Fitted the theme very well. 
 
Full of symbolism, but as BBS said, very accessible. She said she was bowled over by it, it kind of came at me in waves. (with the rhythm?) 
 
Full of beauty, warmth and sadness. 
 
Improvements? Sounds churlish as I like it so very much. Verse three was a little too much for me. 
 
Loved this one Elli. One of those that will touch a few I expect. 
 
Phil.

   Only registered users can rate and write comments.
   Please login or register.

Powered by AkoComment 2.0!

 Previous item   Next item