Charlie and his dad were busy bonding over a computer game,
 
“Blimey Charlie, you’re playing just like your little sister, if you’d chosen the bazooka instead of that girly machine gun you could have blasted the whole village and killed all the civilians as well. You must learn to be more murderous and ruthless” Charlie was very hurt to be compared to a girl. It was the worst thing his dad could say, he had a lot to learn.
 
“Sorry dad, I promise to try harder and kill people more indiscriminately”
“That’s my boy” said his dad proudly “It’s such an important lesson for life, especially if you join the army” Charlie always looked up to his dad. He was such a great role model. They saw wisps of black smoke coming from the kitchen.
 
“Should I go in and check?“ said Charlie
“What have I told you about kitchens, son?”
“Umm  Always stay out unless you get caught short and need to pee in the sink”
“And don’t you forget it” sometimes he wondered if his son might be gay with this unhealthy obsession with kitchens. The dinner might be burning but that was none of their business.
 
Outside Wendy and mummy were having fun, working on the car knowing they would not be disturbed.
 
“What are we doing Mummy, isn’t fixing cars men’s work”
“Never mind, that just pass me the mole grips, please” Mummy always told her to be polite and say please, even to other women just in case they were lesbians and butch. She picked up the mole-grips.
 
“Shall I take the mole out first” said Wendy.
“You better” said her mother. Her husband had made this mistake before but she didn’t feel confident to tell him what the tool was really for. It wasn’t a woman’s place to tell men things.
 
“What are we doing, mummy?” asked the little girl as the mole limped away.
“I’m working on the brakes, they stop the car, you know”, said mummy.
“Do they need fixing then?” asked Wendy
“I didn’t say I was fixing them I said I was working on them” said her mummy with a grin.
 
She liked it when her mummy grinned it meant she was happy.
“What shall I do, now?” said Wendy
 
“I think you should go and turn the oven off. We don’t want to burn the dinner and upset daddy”
Wendy skipped inside. “Oh and while you’re in there go upstairs and under the bed is a bit of paper called a Life Insurance Policy. Bring it down will you.
Wendy did as she was told and as she came back she asked Daddy
 
“Will you be driving to the pub after dinner”
“Does the Pope shit in the woods” said her father. Even Charlie thought that was a silly question to ask. His dad hadn’t missed a night in 12 years.
Her mother pocketed the policy,she was ever so pleased to hear that he would be driving to the pub. Wendy was surprised at this. She usually wanted to go with him. But she said that while Daddy was out we could all look at some holiday brochures