This is pure, unabashed doggerel. If you are looking for a decent piece of writing, this is not it. Just click out now, I am only doing this for fun.
Here at the coal face of bringing-up-teens
All of us poor, black-faced fools
Nagging and screaming and laundering jeans
Making and breaking the rules
How do we know if we’re doing it right?
If what we’re doing is fair?
Quarrel after quarrel and fight after fight
Worn out with labor and care
Blunt is our pick – oh it’s dark in this pit!
Harder than flint is our plight!
One day, sweet reason, the next a foul fit
Darkness – then suddenly light
One thing they tell you: when yours kids have grown
When you’re retired from the pits
You’ll miss your cutting blade, miss all that stone
If you’ve hung on to your wits
So take up your lantern, your little canary
Back to the coal face with you
Some day we’ll meet in the sweet light-and-airy
When all of our teen raising’s through
|
At the Coal Face of Parenting Teens
Written by CliffBowes (176 comments posted) 5th March 2007 |
| There's nowt wrong with a bit of doggerel wtzl, especially when it brings a smile to one's face. I could also read a ring of truth in this piece, reminding me of the times when my two puppies were teenagers. (Both now in their forties) I like the rhythm of it - best read aloud. |
hehehe...
Written by no1butClo (337 comments posted) 5th March 2007 |
>=P aren't we just horrible?
This made me laugh Witzl, really nicely done. Rhythm IS great but you could brush it up in places, apart from that it's cool
me x |
HI Mary
Written by jean.day (2279 comments posted) 5th March 2007 |
| You've had a bad day I take it. Things do get easier. |
Well done!
Written by Josie (2785 comments posted) 5th March 2007 |
Yes, I think you have the basis for a good piece, but I think the rhythm, though good, was a bit jagged in places. How about this sort of rhythm to work on?
Good friends have told me,“When your children have grown
And with your life at the pits left behind.
Though the coalface has gone, and your home is your own –
In old age you’ll have time to unwind.”
There again - perhaps not (the rhythm I mean). I guess all that people have said to me re my poem must be right. We've not moved so far from the days when parents were really strict and you repsected them (or feared them in some cases). You knew exactly how far you could go though and the punishments for overstepping the mark. I do think you're right Witzl - children have too much money these days and that is at the heart of a lot of the trouble, but they see their peers living at a high standard of living and think they should do the same. As for the child who has a new coat every six months - well I think it is disgraceful, and perhaps the mother should be sending some of that money to help those little children in Ethiopia etc where they have nothing at all in life. End of sermon. |
Written by Kathy (220 comments posted) 5th March 2007 |
Do you promise that it does get better?
Because 'the look' and 'the snarl' and 'the ignoring' are making me feel like a thick, boring, unfashionable, vicious old hag who is not old enough to know her own mind!! I do love them really.
Liked the coal face ref. it does feel like that at times, although as you say, it can suddenly turn into the most loving experience... we were teenagers too once!
Agree ryhthm could be tweeked a bit.
Enjoyed.
Kathy |
Written by Phil (6713 comments posted) 5th March 2007 |
God, how depressing that they are all the same. My eighteen year old has flashes of maturity and sensitivity, but then reverts to the centre of his own universe. I'm banking on him growing out of it soon - and getting his hair cut - and doing some work - and having a little direction - and earning some money - and......
Phil. |
Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 5th March 2007 |
Thank you all for commenting on this exceedingly silly "poem." I only wrote this because Josie pushed me! I actually had a reasonable day with my offspring today. But it never lasts long . . .
The most depressing thing I have ever seen is a certain 25-year-old young male relation playing with video games one Christmas. There he sat, legs sprawled, the four of us sitting with him and pretty much watching him amuse himself with this nonsense. We hadn't seen him or talked to him since his wedding a year earlier, and had not had a proper conversation with him in perhaps three years. Yet he played with a video game. His grandmother and parents then joined us, then a sibling, then his wife -- and he continued to play. If one of mine did that at the age of 25, I think I'd want to go hang myself. |
Written by Snodlander (501 comments posted) 6th March 2007 |
Sadly, computer games are now a spectator sport.
I had no idea what parenting was about when we were expecting our first, and worse, I knew I had no idea. I just knew that I would never repeat any of the mistakes my parents made. Yet here I am, parrotting the same old phrases Dad used. Thank goodness my kids have enough of a sense of humour to smile when I take the mickey out of their moods, their clothes, their friends, etc.
With the others, boringly enough. A funny, light piece, though the rhythm could be fine-tuned.
(Oh, listen to me, the poetry expert!) |
Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 6th March 2007 |
Thank you, Snodlander.
I must say, I am bowled over with the number of reviews this got and the serious suggestions for improving it, too -- as though this was something worthwhile that I had real intentions of fine-tuning. Still, thank you everyone for bothering, and for commenting. It served it's purpose, this: it let me blow off steam. Oh, these pesky teenagers.
I'll bet that if I read this out to you, you'd get the rhythm, though; what with my Yank accent and all, I'm sure I could make this sound better actually reading it out loud -- fat chance of that, though! |
Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 6th March 2007 |
| I am aware that I used 'it's' as a possessive here -- very unintentionally. I blame my kids. |
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