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Written by fellpony
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06 March 2007 |
Is it permitted for a haiku to rhyme?
Rain and wind combine Beating spring grasses flat Under rainbow shine second version! rain and wind wrestle over spring grass awaiting transient rainbow |
Written by Phil (6738 comments posted) 6th March 2007 | Don't know. Is this a syllable short though? (I read this as 5/6/5) Does it really matter?
Catches a moment.
Phil. |
Written by fellpony (1618 comments posted) 6th March 2007 | you're right it is 5-6-5. oops!
mind you, I read a great many haiku last week on a haiku web site and some had as few as 13 syllables overall!
viewed out of the office window this afternoon, incidentally. |
Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 6th March 2007 | Didn't bother me that it was 5-6-5. In fact the image was lovely. only trouble is, after your heron/fish/truth haiku, I was searching for the layer and layers of meaning and didn't find them. Also, on a personal level, 'rainbow' in anything makes me run away screaming thinking of crap kids tv and 'my little pony' and other generally nauseating things. So as a compliment I shall say only that I'm not accelerating in the opposite direction retching. (and that really is supposed to be a compliment, shocking i know!)
Elli | over my head
Written by kevinrobson73 (371 comments posted) 6th March 2007 | didn't think it had much going for it
no revelation
perhaps i'm thick or summat | Prefer the second...
Written by Talisker (1326 comments posted) 7th March 2007 | I don't think rainbows shine really. But a nice little epigram, haiku or not, why not bend the rules?
Kevin, its about a rainbow, so of course its over your head, haha. But seriously, its just a little sketch of a moment in time, whats not to get?
Oli  | had to revise
Written by fellpony (1618 comments posted) 7th March 2007 | when Elli mentioned My Littul Poh-nee ... because that makes me too run away screaming. Spent too many hours (and written a whole damn book) trying to explain to American ladies, of much money and little common sense, that Fell ponies are NOT My Littul Poh-nees.
So thanks, Elli and all. |
Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 7th March 2007 | all traces of my littul poh-nee eradicated, scream subsiding liked 'wrestle' as well. Much better in my mind
E |
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