Quicklinks:
Short S. | Poetry | Not News | Scripts | Comedy | Non-Fiction | SF | Crime | For Kids | Extended | Village
Great Writing - Home > Poetry > In the Morning
READING ROOM
Great Writing - Home
Read and review others' work
Articles on writing
Advice from the community
COMMUNITY
Talk to others in the forums
Events and Competitions
GW News
ABOUT GREAT WRITING
All About Us
Contact Us
WORK AWAITING REVIEW
GW IS...
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you can make new friends and improve your creative writing.
WHO'S ONLINE
We have 1151 guests online and 3 members online
Poetry
print friendly version     
In the Morning
By Faerie_Queen
06 March 2007
This is something I wrote last night, not sure why. So here it is, my first entry. Hope you enjoy

In the morning leave me lying in our filth.
Close the door behind you as I stare at the ceiling with my tired blind eyes.
Call me if you want, though my deaf ears will not hear.
You probably won’t.
Stumble home to your hovel.
Crawl beneath your grimy sheets as I huddle beneath mine.
Tomorrow we will smile, the world will never know.
One day we will both forget.
One blissful day.
But for now let us lie and think, stop, try not to think.
Close our eyes and watch again our seedy, ugly, beautiful night play upon our lids. Whisper each others names as we strive to forget. 
Shower, change the sheets. Anything to be clean.
But we will never be clean.
At least, not for a while yet.
So leave me now.
Pick up your easily discarded clothes.
Kiss my swollen mouth and leave my life forever.
You never wanted me in it to begin with.
So here, I give you, a way out.
Take it.

Reviews
Sorry
Written by Josie (2825 comments posted) 6th March 2007
but lost for words.

Written by Phil (6845 comments posted) 6th March 2007
Pretty stark. It's not a particularly pleasant piece - it even comes with its own sticky mess. 
 
However, plenty to like as a piece of writing. It has a certain rhythm, although it does jar here and there. It certainly makes readers react. (Unusual for Josie to be lost for words - sorry Josie - no offence) It deals well in contrasts. Seedy though it is, it also portrays some beauty and longing. The line 'one blissful day' balances the two halves of the piece - ambiguaous too - deliberate, I hope. 
 
Fiction/nonfiction - doesn't matter. Human relationships are a complicated and often unhappy business (almost said sticky business) and this explores that to some effect. I think some may not like the content - can't say I'm that comfortable - but it's a subject worth exploring and you did it well. 
 
Interesting first post. Wil look out for more. 
 
Phil. 
 

Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 6th March 2007
Not sure about this. Powerful in places surely but as one coherent piece? I dunno. 'One blissful day' stuck out for me as being a bit cryptic. Interesting though and provoked a few thoughts, maybe needs some more time. 
 
Elli
Ask yourself...
Written by Talisker (1328 comments posted) 7th March 2007
Why would anyone want to read this? Its confused, incoherent, unpleasant, unedifying...I could go on. 
 
I've now reviewed your first three posts - puting aside the lack of artistic merit, there is a similarity of unpleasantness in nthem all. You will have to do better if you want me as a reader. Perhaps you don't. 
 
Oli

   Only registered users can rate and write comments.
   Please login or register.

Powered by AkoComment 2.0!
 Previous item   Next item
This site is copyright 2005 - 2007 Great Writing. Work submitted by members remains the copyright of the respective authors.
See our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.