It was amazing what you find on the Internet. There were so many websites to choose “HiringA HitMan.co.uk ; HowTotRunYourHusbandOverandMakeitLookLikeanAccident.org; ElectrocutionForDummies.com.  How on earth did wives manage to get rid of their husbands before the Internet? 
She had meant to take the printout off the bonnet but she didn’t want to snag her nails and it never occurred to her that the police would check the car. Her husband told her all they ever did was collect speeding fines and raid whorehouses. Trust her to get the only honest cop in Yorkshire.

She quickly sized him up and decided that she would use her feminine whiles and seduce him.  She had been crowned Miss Chip Buttie 2004 and knew the power she had over men. She gave him a coquettish smile, fluttered her eyes and opened a couple of buttons on her pac-a-mac.

“Now officer I’m sure we can get this sorted out over a cup of tea” she said in a husky drawl.

P.C Nonsense was concerned. As a Yorkshire man he was not familiar with the concept of seduction. He was convinced the woman was having a fit: her face was going into spasm and her eyes twitching. He moved towards her and then sunk slowly to the ground, revealing the figure of Molly Arbuckle, smiling and cradling a bloodied steam iron

“Do your coat up, Pet, you’ll catch your death”. Said Molly
"I was just seducing him with my feminine mystic before you turned up”, said Wendy
"I used to do that but I find a flat iron is much more affective, saves on condoms too”
“Nice iron ”
 "I thought I ‘d better come over in case anyone else needed killing” said Molly
“I’m so glad you did. I didn’t really fancy him anyway, Ready for a cuppa?
“Are bears Catholic? Tell you what, I could murder a fag.
“I think there’s a couple two doors down, have a ciggie  and a cuppa first, though”

The two women were drinking tea, when little Charlie came in looking for his dad to help him. He was playing Collateral Damage–3 and his bombing missions weren’t slaughtering nearly enough innocent bystanders. At that moment he saw his dad coming up the drive and ran happily out to meet him. Charlie’s dad had his arm in a sling. Charlie gave his dad the traditional Yorkshire greeting of a head-but in the crutch and got the traditional response

“Mind the jewels, ya gormless little twat”
They had to step over the bloodied corpse as they went in.
“I see your Auntie Molly has come for a visit”, he said “If she asks you to run a bath, leg it, son”
He walked inside around and saw them drinking tea

“There’s a dead policeman outside” he said
“Yes, we wondered about that too, didn’t we Wendy”. Answered Molly
His suspicions were aroused by the heaps of untouched ironing and sink full of washing. He would be peeing in the cat’s bowl again tonight. He never peed in a full sink, he had his standards. If his wife hadn’t been busy doing the chores then she might have had time to do some thinking. He’d seen things like this on TV, on those shock reality TV shows, where perfectly normal women started thinking but this was Yorkshire, dammit . Those things don’t happen here.

“Hurt your arm Pet?, Said Wendy “Was it the accident, then?”
“No, I didn’t get scratch. Some pillock in the darts game, threw a wide one. If I hadn’t put my arm out it would have hit my pint. So you know all about the accident then?”
“We saw the cars driving past, smeared with lard and guessed what happened” said Wendy
He pulled off the bandage and waved his arm around.
“See there is nothing wrong it was a clever plan to prove you did the brakes.. I got suspicious when I noticed the mole was missing. I wondered what you had done”

He too had been on the internet, learning from HowToSeeifYourWifesTryingtoKillYou.com. You had to take precautions like that with Molly as a sister-in-law. The two women looked at him and realised the game was up The missing mole was evidence enough but the dead policeman was the clincher. The bastard had won.

“Right I’m going lock you in the kitchen and call the police”, he said. “C’mon son”. He took  his son’s  hand and grabbed hold of the door handle and let out a terrible scream, both Charlie and his dad fell to the floor. The door slowly opened revealing the sister untaping some electric wires from the door-handle. She too had been on the internet and had settled on ElectocutionforDummies.co,ck . She went up to Charlie who was still twitching and said

"Not so bloody crap now am I bollock brain” Molly was really proud she was a chip off the old block.
“Before we get the holiday booked”, she said. I want to write this up on that website I use. My alter-ego has got a bit of reputation for this sort of thing and the bairn has given me an idea for a really ironic title for the story.