Although we are inundated these days with various terms for the femme fatale (e.g. diva, vixen, vamp, etc.), it’s hardly surprising, in our increasingly sub-literate society, that one of the most colorful — siren — is infrequently used. In Greek mythology, the Sirens were creatures with the head of a female and the body of a bird who lived on an island surrounded by cliffs and rocks. Approaching sailors were drawn to them by their enchanting singing, causing them to sail into the cliffs and drown. They are mentioned in two famous stories from classical Greek literature. Jason and the Argonauts escaped them because when one of them, Orpheus, heard their song, he realized the peril they were in, took out his lyre, and sang a song so clear and ringing that it drowned the sound of those lovely fatal voices.

In Homer’s epic poem The Odyssey, when Ulysses’ ship passed the Sirens, he had his sailors stuff their ears with wax. He had himself tied to the mast, for he wanted to hear their beautiful voices. The Sirens sang when they approached, their words even more enticing than their melodies. They promised knowledge, wisdom and a quickening of the spirit to every man who came to them. Ulysses’ heart ran with longing but the ropes held him, and the ship quickly sailed to safer waters [see painting above].

Homer mentions two Sirens, but only names one, Himeropa (”arousing face”). Elsewhere, there was said to be three Sirens: Thelchtereia (”enchantress”), Aglaope (”glorious face”), and Peisinoe (”seductress”). It is from this myth that we get the term “siren song,” which refers to an appeal that is hard to resist but that, if heeded, will lead to a bad result. While the ancient Greek and Romans talked about the Sirens who lured sailors on to the rocks, today, in cyberspace we have virtual sirens who do the same thing, and although they’re certainly creatures of fantasy, they’re anything but mythic.

A prime example can be seen at MySpace, where men logging on are distracted by lovely visions like the one seen at right, courtesy True.com. I say “men” because (in case you haven’t noticed) these ads never – ever — feature good-looking guys as bait. The reason is no mystery to anyone who knows anything about human sexuality. It’s long been held as a truism by Madison Avenue that “Sex Sells,” but actually that’s only half-true. The complete phrase should be “Sex Sells (to men, that is),” an assertion which ought to be patently obvious to anyone over the age of 9 or so.

The sex industry, from strip clubs to porn magazines, is overwhelmingly slanted towards men for one simple reason: women – even the ugliest – are (with only a few exceptions) unwilling to pay for sex (or pseudo-substitutes). An old friend of mine from my Navy days, an extremely good-looking fellow, briefly became a professional escort (trans: “gigolo”) in Southern California after he reentered civilian life (he eventually became an attorney, incidentally, which could be material for some lawyer jokes, but I’ll refrain). It was certainly a learning experience for him. What he told me is that he was never hired for bedside services.

Instead, he found out that while women (even the ugliest) have no trouble getting laid (after all, they merely have to go to the nearest bar and bat their eyelashes), many of them evidently have a great deal of trouble finding suitable escorts for such occasions as weddings and dinner parties. Women themselves will tell you that they dress primarily to impress each other, not us men, and this is another example of how overweeningly concerned women are with what other women may think. Evidently, there are few prospects more horrifying for many of them than to show up for their sister’s wedding or a corporate banquet without a squire on their arm, and those who can afford it are willing to pay handsomely to avoid that mortification.

One sees the close attention that women pay to each other made manifest in the print media. Playgirl magazine long ago stopped running a male centerfold (remember Burt Reynolds’ coy little layout?) for the simple reason that women, by and large, aren’t interested in looking at naked men. Actually, they’re not all that interested in looking at men, generally. This is why women’s magazines like Cosmopolitan do not feature hunky dreamboat studs on their covers; the editors of these magazines know that women are far more interested in checking each other out, hence they feature glamorous women on their covers.

But more to the point in this little essay is how pathetically, even eagerly vulnerable men are to any scam that involves sex (and money). Abraham Lincoln once said that “You can fool some of the people all of the time.” Moreover, there’s gold in them thar hills, too, as H. L. Mencken noted when he observed that “No one has ever gone broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public.” Nowhere is this seen more graphically than with lust-driven men on the Internet, a topic I’ve written about previously. Rather than curse this darkness, I have instead attempted to light a couple of candles, hoping thereby to disabuse some of my benighted fellow males of their naive illusions on this score.

For example, as I have pointed out in my “6 Rules of Yahoo! Chatrooms,” the vast majority of “women” in these rooms are actually “bots” (short for robot), computer-generated scripts which are designed to lure men into the sites of various naughty Webcam girls, where they can watch a cyber-peep show … for a fee. I also noted that attractive women do not need to cruise the Internet to find sex partners, a basic fact that somehow eludes any number of men who, spending far too much time in their bedroom staring at a computer monitor, have obviously lost touch with reality. In “(Not Completely) Surrounded by Idiots,” I expressed my incredulity at how naively prepared men were to credit a 46-year-old Florida woman presenting a provocative picture of a hyper-curvaceous former Penthouse Pet, Veronika Zemanova, on her MySpace profile as her own.

(Incidentally, having also suggested that any “hot” woman in a Yahoo! chatroom who really wants to meet a guy is probably a guy, I would add that, in contrast, at MySpace (from what I can see) any hot woman who’s looking to meet someone probably wants to meet … well, another hot woman).

When I was a boy, my parents and teachers used to accuse me of having a “morbid curiosity.” I felt vindicated and even began to take a perverse pride in this when I found out later that Ernest Hemingway, as a boy, had heard the same accusation from his parents and teachers, as well. I’ve always found myself drawn to the seamy netherworlds of human society, perhaps because I grew up in a nice suburb and attended Catholic school – who knows? In any event, I continue to be fascinated by the murky shadow world known as Cyberspace, and like any true voye … uh, I mean journalist, I knew I had to live in the neighborhood for a while I order to understand it and write about it.

I pass this along as a cautionary tale, and not just for men either. I think it would be enlightening for both men and women currently using dating sites, as well as those contemplating doing so, to be aware of this incredibly surreal (in every sense of the word) phenomenon. I also think it would be an eye-opener generally for many people who might think that only children and women have to worry about predators on the Internet.

Like Ulysses, I am not without certain hubris: I like to flatter myself that, unlike many men, I’m capable of staring at a computer monitor without losing my sense of reality. Like Ulysses, who wanted to hear the ear candy without having the pay a fatal price, I wanted to see the eye candy without crashing on to the rocks of financial disaster. As Ulysses cleverly devised a strategy to ensure his own safety, I sailed into these dangerous waters with my own self-defense plan: the knowledge that I have no credit card, meaning that I am thereby immune, for all practical purposes, to the temptations of the Cyber Sirens!

I’ll confess that my curiosity wasn’t completely journalistic. I’ve found it increasingly difficult to meet attractive, educated, unattached women in Iowa, a state that, socially speaking, is very much “married.” Listening my complaints, friends and acquaintance have chastised me by saying I needed to “get out there more.” Hearing this injunction, I was always a bit confused as to just where “there” was. As I told them, if they were referring to bars, they are not only smoky (I detest cigarette smoke), loud (I prefer jazz and classical music, myself), and decidedly post-adolescent (I have grey hair and am unashamed of it), but more importantly, overwhelmingly male.

“When,” I would ask them in exasperation, “was the last time you saw any unattached attractive women hanging out at a bar?” The reality is that most bars and clubs (just like Internet dating sites and chatrooms) are male bastions. It’s remarkable what stupid albeit well-intentioned things people would say to me. “How about the grocery store?” they would ask, straight-faced, while my jaw dropped. “You’re kidding me, right?” I would say. “The women I see in grocery stores are either (a) busy trying to corral their ill-mannered kids, (b) yammering away on their cell phones, or (c) both. Moreover, they all look like they’re late for something and don’t want to so much as make eye contact, let alone exchange friendly hellos — much less phone numbers!”


Anyway, I was thus admittedly doubly motivated when I was offered a free, one-month trial membership by SinglesNet.com, one of the more reputable Internet dating sites. Well, talk about learning experiences! I very quickly found out that I could expect 95 percent of my encounters to fall into one of two categories. The first is that of the woman whose profile says she lives in Iowa, but, through some sad twist of fate (most of the time involving a dead relative), now finds herself in Nigeria (or, in some cases, Ghana) … usually so she can be with her sick mother, who may or may not have also died, leaving her stranded and in need of my “assistance” (trans: money) getting back home … so she can be with me, of course!

Here’s one example from a woman named Cinderella whose profile listed Ackworth, Iowa, as her place of residence. However, it turns out that she’s actually in West Africa … so she can be with her sick mother, naturally:

hello

    I have check your profile and everything you said on your profile is interesting, anyway my name is cinderella johnson,I’m 29yrs , 5.6ft lady, residing ,United, but i am in west africa right now with my mum cos she sick.I am single with no kids at , it’s quite difficult to write about oneself when u know that others will be judging u on what u write, i’m just going to be simple and fly straight. I’ve been told that i’m a classy lady with a great dress sense,i’m an optimistic person who has a variety of interests……………….i’ m a down to earth lady who consider herself confident,intelligent, honest, romantic, spontaneous, caring with a big heart,easy to get along with positive personality,ambitious, self-motivated, secure, expressive, attentive, passionate, good christian with a good sense of humour, i love cooking, sports, movies. music i’m open minded and fun loving,little things in life count, i’m drug,smoke and disease free,i’m not into games,as they hurt, absolutely not a time waster,….I await your reply at b_4u_reall@yahoo.com

    with love
    cinderella

    NB I WILL BE HAPPY TO SHOW MY PIC WHEN WE MEET ONLINE SWEETIE..OK EMAIL ME TODAY.

* * *


Now, not all the ladies are quite so bashful, as demonstrated in the case of “Suzz,” whose image graces the page at right. She, too, lives in Ackworth, Iowa. Evidently, this small rural community, formerly almost entirely white, has experienced quite an increase in its ethnic diversity. However, one must wonder just what professional opportunities exist in this farm town for a professional actress like Suzz. Perhaps, given her youthful good looks and still-girlish figure, she is also able to supplement her income by modeling lingerie.

Another “flirt” was sent by MariaLizzy, who gave her place of residence as Fowler, Colorado. She bemoans the fact “its just too sad that true love seem so hard to find these days ……im on here looking for that true love from a wonderful man a cheerful giver and someone that is honest cos i am also a woman of honesty [sic]”

When a fellow replies to this “woman of honesty,” he will learn from a subsequent e-mail that her actual geographic location is, in fact, slightly removed from Colorado. Unlike Suzz, who doesn’t have much to say about her situation, MariaLizzy is most expansive about it, to wit:

    hello,

    how are you doing today i really wanna say thank you for the qick respose ,this is just to let you know my purpose of communicating with you on here and to let you know that its time i move on with the right man after some heart breaks ,its gonna be really hard for me to trust and believe in a man,but i still believe that a man out there is waiting to show me that perfect love that i have been waiting for all my life distance shouldnt be a problem afterall im ready to relocate with that wonderful man , to start with the things I want in a man.. sincerity, trust, hardworking, kindhearted, loving, caring, a cheeerfulgiver and someone that will be there for me through thick and thin .just to tell you a little about me im maria elizabeth stones, i was born and raised in fowler in colorado Fowler is a town in Otero County, Colorado, named for Orson Squire Fowler.it is located near the arkansas river in eastern colorade my dad is originally from fowler co as well and my mom is from england ,i lost my dad at a very tender age so i and mom got into a business of import and export trade ,we import and export african fashion ,african arts and clothing textile ,mom had to relocate back to africa due to the business we both got into for it to be more easier so she takes care of the export and i take care of the sales in the state and sometimes i also travel down to africa to see my mom and talk business with her and currently im in africa with my son as usual to see my mom cos she is very sick and right now at the doctors and ever since she has been down the business has not been moving on fine so im very broke and down financially so i hope that you understand so well that im in need of great help cos before coming down to west africa to see my mother with my son i had already bought some goods there in the us that will be imported to africa so that i can get some sales down here and its a lot of money but the goods are yet to arrive now and that is why im in need of great help about my condition over till things get better and i can come home as soon as my mother gets better all the goods arrive here and i make the sale……………..but i think its time i settle down with that resposible man after a divorce with my ex ,he was just a cheat to my life and he never had the time to take care of me and my only son philips ,some things i like to do includes going to the beach and going to movies ,i also love to spend time with the man i love ,its just sad that these days you hardly find a man caring and honest so if you think you will be that wonderful man ,a cheerful giver ,i will begin to know that on here and time will tell me how loving and caring i treat others the way i want to be treated all my life i have been faithful and loving and thats the way i will always be to my man .you can write me back if you are that responsible man i have been waiting for…………………………….

    here is my private email address lovinglizzy247@yahoo.com and if you would love to chatt with me as well here im on yahoo messanger id loving lizzy247……

    hope to hear from you real soon

* * *

And so on and so forth …

But the other variety of SinglesNet scam, one far more deceptive because it’s so diabolically clever, is the home-grown variety – “women” living right in my home town of Des Moines. As with most Internet dating sites, a certain electronic matchmaking is done by zipcode, so it’s not unusual to find friendly greetings from ladies who (ostensibly) live near you. Very often, this takes the form of a “flirt,” which are one-line greetings that can be sent by those who haven’t ponied up the cash for a full membership. The idea here is to hook someone who is undecided by giving him/her a chance to test the waters, as it were.

I would estimate I received close to 100 bogus flirts and messages such as the one below since joining Singlesnet – as opposed to perhaps a half-dozen legitimate instances. One of the very first cyber-ladies to drop her handkerchief in my direction (”I would like to talk to you”) was sent to me by someone going by the nickname “feelssogood.”

One thing that impressed me was her picture. It wasn’t some unbelievably beautiful 20-year-old professional model; that would just look too good to be true, of course. Instead, it was a somewhat saucy-looking but nonetheless cute in a girl-next-door kind of way 30-year-old — a bank teller from Clive (a Des Moines suburb), no less. Altogether plausible! When I replied, this is what I received in return via a g-mail address ascribed to one “Natalie Green”:

    Hi Dick,

    How are you this morning? I was really happy to get your message. I checked out your profile and liked what I saw. I am just looking for some fun with no strings attached right now. Is that too forward lol? Hopefully you have a little time to possibly get together? I hope you’re not too busy . Maybe you could teach me a thing or two.

    I have an account with my info. at my favorite personals site that I check more regularly. It’s at http://www.worldbestwomen.com/natalie00 .

    I have some pictures from my recent vacation and a bunch of others posted there. I’ll put some more up in a bit too. Maybe a few sexier ones if you’re lucky . Get in touch with me if you’re interested and lets see what happens.

    xox,

    Natalie

* * *

This particular genre of writing is notable for some cagey subtleties. Note the cleverly camouflaged generic characteristics. Natalie (much like Cinderella) says that she “liked what she saw” on my profile, without, of course, mentioning specifically just WHAT it was she liked so much.

I was somewhat confused about these additional hoops through which I was supposed to jump. Why make me go to some other personals site when she’d already reached me via regular e-mail? And just imagine my chagrin when, upon clicking the link, I found myself looking at something called “The World Famous Deprived Womens’ [sic] Club.”

Here, I discovered, was where I could contact “married women looking for discreet affairs, unsatisfied housewives, married nymphos!” I could gaze upon “actual photos of females looking for discreet encounters” from a “network of one million personal ads on six dating sites.” Natalie, however, was nowhere in sight, and it looked as if I was going to whip out the plastic and type in those 16 magic numbers if I wanted to hook up with her. The “club” is “free,” of course; the money is required in order to join an adult verification system (AVS), something needed to make sure no youngsters sneak in, you understand.

(Un)fortunately, as I’ve remarked, I don’t have available plastic. In addition, I believe it’s generally more convenient – and a whole lot safer – to take up with women who aren’t currently married. And aren’t there millions of divorcees around? So, I had to sadly wave goodbye to Natalie, wistfully thinking about the pictures never to be seen, the things I might’ve taught her (given the opportunity), and the fun (with no strings attached, naturally) we might have had. (sigh)

In the course of my membership, I received many more “flirts” from some rather attractive professional women in the Des Moines area, including one very alluring graphic designer going by the nickname “freemeup.” When I responded to her flirt, I received the following:

    Hey sexy!!

    Thanks for getting in touch! I am really glad you wrote, I think we definitely need to hook up sometime really soon. That being said I already have plans tonight with one of my girlfriends, we normally go out on Thursdays… I am headed out the door right now so tonight is out for me but I would definitely be interested in meeting tomorrow night sometime if you are free.

    I was thinking a few drinks would be in order to help loosen us up a little, plus what better way to start off the weekend. If you have some time and want to hook up just write me back at erinmallick@hotmail.com when you get this and I will get back to you tomorrow morning from work.

    If you can’t meet tomorrow we should definitely try to meet up sometime later this weekend. Just get in touch and we’ll set something up.

    Talk soon!!

    Erin

* * *

All right, an actual e-mail address, I thought — let’s try it and see what happens! Well, when I wrote to her to suggest we might perhaps meet for coffee or lunch (or maybe even drinks), this is what I received in reply from Ms. Mallick:

    Hey Dick!

    How are you doin sexy?? Thanks for getting in touch! I am really glad you wrote, actually I was hoping I would hear from you so this is great! Last night was just alright with my girlfriend, really just the usual and no great end of the night stories to report either.

    I am definitely ready to make this happen with you though. It’s been a while for me and I miss being with a man so much. I miss a mans company one on one, his desire and his touch…if you can make some time for me tonight that would be great. I was thinking a few drinks would help get us a little more comfortable around each other quicker plus I wouldn’t mind having a cocktail with you to start off my weekend…lets just say you have no idea how ready I am for you to break my little dry spell, it really has been a while for me.

    Anyway, I’m babbling on and blowing my cover a little here but I wanted to get back to you real quick while I had a minute. You can call my cell whenever you want so we can set something up, I posted my number for you (and a bunch more pics!) at my favorite personal site, it’s at http://www.discreetlovewebsite.com/erin00 My username in the site is erin00.

    I use this site mainly cause a couple of my friends use it and it’s discreet and safe. It’s definitely much better than most sites I have tried plus it has some great pics of me! I do hope to meet real soon but if it’s not tonight let’s definitely do something later this weekend.

    Call me!!

    Erin

* * *

Of course, what puzzled me was the thought that if Erin was so eager to give me her phone number, she might’ve simply written it in that e-mail, right? But the real mind-twister was the amazing coincidence that occurred. Remarkably enough, the “discreetlovewebsite” link to which Erin directed me, when clicked, led to the exact same place as Natalie’s “worldsbestwomen” link — yep, “The World Famous Deprived Womens’ Club.” Imagine that!

I then received yet another flirt from a cute redhead (nickname “freespirit”) with a mischievous twinkle in her eye, and when I signaled that she’d gotten my attention, she sent me the following:

    Hey there,

    I liked your profile and you sound interesting, I would like to know a bit more about you, and what your looking to get into. For myself, Im unsure of this at first, but would like to possibly meet up sometime this comming week, and see where it leads?

    Im usually free during evenings, and most weekends. If so, you can email me at hollyjacobs560@hotmail.com and i will send you some more pics. Looking forward to hearing back from ya!

    bye for now….

    Holly

* * *

Well, once more I was left to wonder just what, in particular, it was about my profile that this lady found so “interesting,” but whatever … hope — not to say horniness — springs eternal. So, I wrote back to Ms. Jacobs (stifling the impulse to point out that my name isn’t “Hey there”) and this is what I got in return:

    Hows it goin? It was great to hear back from you! I was hoping you would mail me.. I’m very much looking forward to us getting together and seeing where it could lead. Heres my contact info as promised. This has my cell .., my whole portfolio with a lot of sexy pics, and much more about me, i.e my uninhibited fantasies that I’m just dying to fullfill!

    http://thewomenpictures.com/holly00

 (copy and paste or type this link into your browser to access this website if it won’t open for you)

    My profile is listed inside the site under “holly00″. I decided to post my personal info inside this site for 3 simple reasons. 1)It’s DISCREET 2)I never have to worry about being contacted by children since only adults are allowed within the site and 3)all the replies I receive are genuine.

    Well, I do hope to hear from you…I guess I’ll find out just how serious you really are! It appears we live close to one another so this will be very exciting for the both of us!

    holly

* * *

Again, I was so puzzled. Why not just give me your phone number here and now, Holly? You could’ve given me your personal info, too, and even attached any sexy pics you wanted to; I can be most discreet, and no children ever read my e-mail – honest! Funny thing, though … when I clicked the link she gave (along with the computer assistance she’d so thoughtfully provided), I wound up at – you guessed it – “The World Famous Deprived Womens’ Club.” Hmmm .…

And that wasn’t the end of it, by any means! Yet another very attractive young lady felt sufficiently moved by my masculine charm to send me a flirt. This one was named Shelly, and she certainly seemed like a live wire, as the e-mail she sent to me after my reply attests:

Hi Dick,
    
 hows it going?..I’m happy you got in touch here. Lets get together soon ok?…In fact i didn’t make any plans tonight, so if you want we can meet up after the game, grab some drinks and see where it leads. We can just take it from there, i’m pretty sure we will have some chemistry and really hit it off.

    I’m really excited about this and i hope you feel the same. If you are ready for me and want to make this happen I just posted my cell number and some new/sexier pics for you on my favorite personal site. It’s actually my personal web page/blog site and i love posting pics and my daily thoughts on here:

    http://www.singleswebdirect.com/shelly00

    (copy and paste or type it into your browser if it won’t open for you) then you can find me under “passionluvr9″…I use this site because it has an i.m. program, so chating is easy, and i can post all the pics and info i want about me..

    I’m really serious about meeting up with you. I really need to spice up my love life and relieve some sexual tension..If your not free tonight i’m open thru the week a few as well..

    Get in touch honey..

    Shelly

* * *

“The game”? Just what game might that be, I wondered. More brilliant generics – after all, it’s a pretty safe bet that most guys are going to be watching some sort of game over the course of a weekend, right? You probably will be able to guess, Gentle Reader, where I ended up when I clicked on the link Shelly gave me (like Holly, giving me the benefit of her computer expertise in order to make sure I didn’t get confused or lost while trying to navigate my way to it). No surprise: “The World Famous Deprived Womens’ Club.”

Anyone who has had to deal with rodents knows how persistent they are: once they’ve found a likely source of food, they are not easily gotten rid of. Simply plugging up the rathole through which they first gained access is rarely sufficient, as they will simply gnaw themselves a new one. So too, with these cyber-vermin. While it’s simple enough to place a block on their e-mail address, they will not be gotten rid of that easily, as I learned. Erin, Holly, and Shelly were not about to take “no reply” for an answer, and they obviously anticipated their e-mail addresses being relegated to the spam bin. Each of these persona (I use that term rather than “women,” as there is no way to know whether one individual, who may be a man, is generating all this correspondence) did not neglect one of the fundamental tenets of effective marketing: following up the sales pitch. Obviously, the idea is to dangle temptation in front of me one more time, so as to take advantage of any lingering curiosity – or perhaps exploit an increasingly frustrated sense that Internet porn may, after all, be a better bet for attaining sexual fulfillment than Internet dating.

While Erin originally wrote to me from the e-mail address erinmallick@hotmail.com, after an interval of a few days I received the following note from the address erin@webmailfunlive.com:

    What’s going on? I’m not sure if you got my message yesterday but I sent you an e-mail about my other personal ad where I posted all my contact info… I have an ad placed on this other site cause it’s easier for you to get in contact with me, I am definitely ready to hook this up with you too, and soon! Come check it out at http://discreetlovewebsite.com/erin00

    My profile is under Erin00. Again, I posted my personal info on this site for a few simple reasons. 1)It’s DISCREET (which I need!) 2)I never have to worry about being contacted by children since only adults are allowed in the site and 3)I know all the replies I receive are genuine. Well thats my story for you again, I really hope to see you inside  Let’s make this happen….

    talk soon

    erin

* * *

The same held true with Holly, who’d originally written me from holly00@webmailfunonline.com. A couple days after that first e-mail, I received another from holly@worldconnecthome.com (with “it’s holly, still around?” in the subject line):

    What’s going on? I’m not sure if you got my message yesterday but I sent you an e-mail about my other personal ad where I posted all my contact info… I have an ad placed on this other site cause it’s easier for you to get in contact with me, I am definitely ready to hook this up with you too, and soon! Come check it out at http://thewomenpictures.com/holly00

    My profile is listed in the site under “holly00″. Again, I posted my personal info on this site for a few simple reasons. 1)It’s DISCREET (which I need!) 2)I never have to worry about being contacted by children since only adults are allowed in the site and 3)I know all the replies I receive are genuine. Well thats my story for you again, I really hope to see you inside  Let’s make this happen….

    Talk soon!

    holly

* * *

Unsurprisingly, so it went with Shelly, as well: her first e-mail, sent from shellyhayes509@hotmail.com, was followed a few days later by this one, sent from shelly@themailweb.com (with “the pics I promised” in the subject line):

    What’s going on? I’m not sure if you got my message yesterday but I sent you an e-mail about my other personal ad where I posted all my contact info… I have an ad placed on this other site cause it’s easier for you to get in contact with me, I am definitely ready to hook this up with you too, and soon! Come check it out at http://thewomenpictures.com/shelly00

    my profile is under passionluvr9.. Again, I posted my personal info on this site for a few simple reasons. 1)It’s DISCREET (which I need!) 2)I never have to worry about being contacted by children since only adults are allowed in the site and 3)I know all the replies I receive are genuine. Well thats my story for you again, I really hope to see you inside  Let’s make this happen….

    Talk soon!

    shelly

* * *

As anyone with half a brain could predict at this point, all these links led to one place: “The World Famous Deprived Womens’ Club.” Exterminators will tell you that trapping or poisoning whatever rat is foraging on your property is virtually useless, since the other members of his or her nest will simply follow the trail of the first one. Here too, we find a parallel. Evidently, Shelly has other girlfriends who’d like to show me a good time too, because I also received the following e-mail (with simply “hey” in the subject line from Morgan@themailweb.com:

    Hey, I got your email from the personals.. not sure which site… A little about me… I am very outgoing, I love meeting new people and experiencing everything at least one time.

    I am interested in getting together sometime, get in touch soon so we can hang out. I put up some pictures here:
    http://www.localforlocal.com

    I hope you like them! Let me know..

    Morgan

* * *

Doubtless, there is no need to spell out just where that “localforlocal” link led. And then came the deluge. A veritable flood of e-mails began arriving, all remarkably similar in form and content, all from “women” claiming to have contacted on me through “some” dating site (they couldn’t quite remember specifically which one, you understand). Fortunately, I’d given out my hotmail address, which has a fairly effective spam filter mechanism. Nonetheless, I am still receiving up to a half-dozen such e-mails on a daily basis.

In “6 Rules of Yahoo! Chatrooms,” I bore the sad but true message that the vast majority of women one will meet there cannot be considered attractive by any stretch, and so too it is at SinglesNet — as anyone can view for him or herself. Now, I don’t mean to suggest that all the profiles of good-looking women on SinglesNet (or other dating sites) are fraudulent. In fact, I had the pleasure of meeting one woman who was altogether genuine. An extremely attractive, 30-something, recently divorced mother of three, she is an insurance professional living in the Des Moines area. However, the only reason we ended up meeting was because I initiated contact. Were I to have received a “flirt” message from her, I would undoubtedly have thought she was simply another Natalie, Erin, Holly or Shelly. When I told her about all this nonsense, she was rather taken aback. “Wow,” she remarked, “now I understand why so many of the guys on here have rather curt immediate responses, as well as descriptions of what they are unwilling to respond to on their profiles.”

Indeed.

I think my literary analogy, the siren, is particularly apt when used to describe these temptresses of the Internet. With their entrancing faces and sweet words, they are creatures of the air, as charming – and elusively unattainable – as a bird singing at the top of a tree. H. L. Mencken, a keen observer of the innumerable ways in which women outwit and hoodwink men at every turn, once wrote, in an essay titled “The Lure of Beauty,”

    “Men do not demand genuine beauty, even in the most modest doses; they are quite content with the mere appearance of beauty. That is to say, they show no talent whatever for differentiating between the artificial and the real. A film of face powder, skillfully applied, is as satisfying to them as an epidermis of damask. The hair of a dead Chinaman, artfully dressed and dyed, gives them as much delight as the authentic tresses of Venus. False bosoms intrigue them as effectively as the soundest of living fascia. A pretty frock fetches them quite as surely and securely as lovely legs, shoulders, hands or eyes.
    … Such transparent devices reduce the psychologist to a sour sort of mirth, yet it must be plain that they suffice to entrap and make fools of men, even the most discreet.”

No man had a greater appreciation of the power of the written word – or the seemingly limitless power of women (and, of course, men exploiting their irresistible charms) to pull the wool over male eyes — than Mencken. Surely, witnessing both of these phenomena as seen on the Internet today, he must be chortling in his grave.








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