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Science Fiction and Fantasy
Silver Moon
By TurboWolffe
10 March 2007
My story is about an eternal battle between werewolves and vampires that is set in medieval times, when Vlad the Impaler was living and well.  This tale is about an important battle that destroyed Vlad, and kept a temporary peace between the clans.


    
  Silver Moon: Introduction
    

The great, silvery moon rose above the treetops in Turkey, and the villagers locked their doors quietly, not wanting to wake children that were sleeping behind the large bolts of iron attached to the doors.  it was around the 15th century, and Vlad the Impaler, or Dracula, was ruler of the land like his fathers had been before him; the many Mirceas that had ruled the family for decades. 
Vlad was involved with a war at the time; an eternal war between two races of supernatural powers that had ruled the world since ancient times: Vampires and Werewolves.  Vlad had built a castle to keep away the attacks of werewolves on a tricky peak that was almost a sheer cliff on all sides.  It was called Castle Dracula, a safe haven for all vampires, and away from those dreaded beasts of the night.  But one thing that you must realize about this story, is that it favors werewolves above all other supernatural powers of the medieval world. 
Everything had turned to chaos during this period, and vampires began to hunt for sport rather than need, but the werewolf clan found themselves destroying more and more vampires at a time, just to keep them all within the limits that were set.  Blood poured down the gutters of streets everday, and the smell lingered each time werewolves were forced to massacre their enemy.  Villagers found large piles of dirt where the werewolf clan had buried the bodies of many vampires, time and time again.  The forest was plagued with them, and the villagers began burning the bodies out in the sun after the creatures of the night were released from their nocturnal curse.        
The supernaturals were strong during that time, and fighting for the land that belonged to them.  They ruled the world with their force, but the werewolves kept it under control as their relentless enemies created more victims. 
THERE WAS EVENTUALLY NO PLACE THAT EITHER OF THE CLANS COULD GO, AND A HORRIBLE WAR BROKE OUT AFTER THE SKIRMISHES AND ARGUMENTS OF EARLY TIME.


Chapter#1:


The wind blew softly on my fur as the moon rose above the glimmering water of the lake.  I was a werewolf, enemy of all Vampires, relentless to their breed.  I was new to the werewolf clan, but experienced.  I had already become a leader of one of the troops, and tonight was my final test: to see how well I could rip a Vampire, limb from limb.  My kill was the authorative, but weak right hand man to Dracula.  I had to kill him, and I was ready. 
A sound in the shrub, across the lake, got my attention, and i slipped into the water, gliding with ease, and unseen against the black of night.  My black fur hid me well as it blended into the black, oily water.  their only warning would be my bright, glowing eyes, and a snarl of hatred and hunger.
I approached shore, and waited in the water.  A tall, thin fellow surrounded by 3 burly, fanged servants appeared from out of the trees, and one bulging Vampire stopped for a drink.  Now was my chance to make them wonder what hit them.  i growled, and grabbed the Vampire's neck, plunging him into the murky depths.  Biting him acrross the neck, I quickly disposed of him.  A werewolf's bite is worse than his howl, and is the only other way to kill a Vampire properly.
The remaining vampires turned around, suspicion and fear in their eyes.  Dracula's right hand man turned paler than the dead.  I grinned fiercly, and glided down the shore to ambush them again.  they would never escape, as long as they didn't take on their true shapes, and mock me from the trees.  Werewolves couldn't climb trees, strange as it sounds, but I was of a new breed, and could easily scale walls.
The Vampires walked further down the shore, and I picked a rock from the bottom of the lake, and tossed it out of the water, where it returned with a splash.  It was a big rock.  they turned around, and the other two bulging servants came up to the edge of the water, surveying the surface intently.  I grabbed ther ankles, and pulled them under, ripping their necks, and freeing stolen blood into the water that had coursed through their veins.
Now was my time to strike.  I leaped out of the water, crouching on the sandy shore.  the wimpy Vampire stood there, shivering and quaking with fear.  Dracula only kept the Vampire for his intelligence, not his physique.
Rising to my full height of seven feet, nine inches, I growled with forbodding.  The Vampire was glued to a tree trunk, his eyes so wide open, that i thought they would fall out of their sockets.  i grinned devilishly, and the vampire flinched, gulping down a serving of blood.
I roared and lunged at him with mighty strength, and ended up taking a chunk of wood from the tree.  the vampire, though wimpy, was quite fast.  He ran through the trees, and I followed after, catching up to him after a while of clawing away shrubs and tangled vines.  He tripped over a rock, and I pinned him down, my eyes glowing with hunger.
He struggled, and my claws ripped into his shoulders.  His blood leaked out, and I could feel my stomach rumble.  It clawed at my insides, and I didn't care how vile vampire blood was at the moment.
I raised a claw, and struck him across face.  He howled with pain, and struggled fiercely, but it wouldn't work.  He stared at me pleadingly, blood pouring down his face like red tears.  The moon outlined him with silver.  The glow was so alluring, and I took my claws and dug them deep into his chest.  He sputtered and coughed.  He writhed about, gasping, blood leking from his new wound and from his mouth.  His eyes rolled back into his head.  He groaned, and became suddenly relaxed.  It was done.
I drew back, prying my claws from his chest, and slung him over my shoulder.  It was a time to celebrate, and I would enjoy myself with a great raid on the humans.  I could almost taste the flesh in my mouth.  The hunger inside clawed viciously, but i managed to live with it.

Reviews
Silver Moon
Written by stevetroster (1549 comments posted) 10th March 2007
Hello T.W. 
 
Like yourshelf I am a freshman (I joined on the 9th) and I am making a point of critiquing over peoples work in the hope that they will return the favor (favour) with my work THE HARLEQUIN.  
 
I will offer some friendly critisism (as I appreciate that we are all new to this game) in the hope that this will help you should you wish to polish your work. 
It is always difficult to decide how much information to release and when to release it (after all, you already know the story) but when you do release information it is important to ensure that it is relevant and accurate. 
 
Lets start on a positive note; two of my favourite films of recent years are UNDERWORLD & VAN HELSING, so the idea of taking the UnderWorld war back to its roots is quite a good one. 
However, if you are to do this succesfully you will need to get some basic facts right, so it's always a good idea to do some research on your central characters before you start to write about them. 
From a very quick internet search I was able to glean the following information. 
 
Vlad Tepes (The Impaler) 1431 - 1476. Prince of Wallachia, a principality in Romania. Reigned on three seperate occasions (1448 1456-1462 & 1476) 
Dracula (although it's not spelt that way) is a Turkish variant of his name. 
 
So lets look at your opening passage.  
 
The great,(why is it great?) 
silvery moon rose above the treetops in Turkey(not only is it the wrong country, but using a country makes the statement too impersonal), 
and the villagers (we have now gone from an entire country to a village, yet the village has no name, which is again impersonal) 
locked their doors quietly, not wanting to wake children that were sleeping (I think that we could take it as read that the parents would not go clattering around the house if the kids are asleep) 
behind the large bolts of iron attached to the doors (where else would they be?). 
It was around the 15th century (that's too vague, pick a year), 
and Vlad the Impaler, or Dracula (only if you're Turkish), 
was ruler of the land (Turkey? no he wasn't). 
 

I'm not saying that this is any better than your version, but here is my take on the same intro. 

 
 
As the children slept peacefully in their beds the keys were turned in iron locks. It is not a good night to be out on the streets as the moon is full and sits high the sky; a portent of doom for the good people of Wallachia.  
 
The night creatures are at war, a vicious war of genocide that has raged for many a long year, a war which the vampires are losing. 
To the gentle folk of Wallachia he is known as Vlad the Impaler, a merciless tyrant who rules with a fist of iron, and a merciless tyrant who feasts on human flesh. 
It is 1458, and within the dark walls of his castle Prince Vlad Tepes and his vampire hoard make their plans to strike back against the wolfpacks.  
Etc. 
 
NOW PLEASE GO AND CRITICISE MY WORK. 
 
Best Wishes 
 
Estee.  
 
 

Written by Snodlander (501 comments posted) 12th March 2007
Dear TW, 
 
Welcome. 
 
This reads very similar to a film plot. I think it was the beginning of Underworld 2 (very few films with a numeral in the title are worth seeing). There's also a touch of NightWatch too. You need to put something original into the plot, maybe a twist at the end. Something that grabs the reader and makes them want to read it through to the end. 
 
This story read as incomplete. It seems you are setting up a longer story, but you just leave it hanging. Are you writing the follow on to this? I hope so. 
 
All the best.
TW Speaking
Written by TurboWolffe (98 comments posted) 29th May 2007
Snodlander and stevetroster- Thanks for you reviews, but, despite what you've said about the story being similar to films, I have actually never seen Underworld(2) or Nightwatch. I have seen Van Helsing, and i hold that movie as the greatest in the whole world. This story plot was entirely out of my head, and I promise to do some more research. ;) I also promise to try and not leave off so sharply. I was up late when i was writing, and my mom sent me to bed. I really appreciate you're crits guys! 
Oh, i'll be a freshman '07-'08. :grin

Written by KaydieKate (63 comments posted) 23rd June 2008
Allo! 
 
It does seem a bit like Underworld. And just because you haven't seen the movie, doesn't mean the idea isn't already taken [I have a problem like that with one of my favorite characters...it seems someone like her is already written!] 
 
Anyway, though I personally love werewolves, I would give the vamps a little more credit, don't you think? If all vampires didn't notice when a werewolf growled, or couldn't smell one close enough to grab one of their fellows, how did they keep up a war lasting centuries? Wouldn't they be swamped if they were all as unobservant as the first three are? 
 
Make the two more evenly matched, if you want to make it more interesting and plausible. 
 
And perhaps vampires shouldn't "howl" with pain, unless you are trying to be ironic.  
 
Also, try to keep capitalization and grammar throughout. Please do not use ALL CAPS LETTERS TO GET YOUR POINT ACROSS. You have some lowercase "i's" and sometimes you capitalize Vampire and Werewolf, and sometimes you do not. Since this is a subject most of us know, you can do away with the introduction.  
 
No matter how evil your character is, he has to be like-able. I have always found the topic interesting, but you need to give your furry friend more depth, or he just comes off as a brute. I would be hard pressed to choose between a brutish werewolf and a sissy vampire. Probably neither, I'd say. 
 
I must tell you: I am picky, and these are very anal points. But I think they would make your writing better. Just because the comment is full of...critiques, that doesn't mean I don't like it. Just want to make that clear. I do want to read more! 
 
Also, since you are using first person POV, get some inner dialogs going! Since we're riding front seat through the eye's of this character, we need to know more about him/her/it. His/Her/It's motivations, feelings, doubts.... 
 
Good luck! I shall see if you put up more.

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