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| Wounded hearts | |
| By LynB | ||||||||||||||||
| 11 March 2007 | ||||||||||||||||
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I know this is rather long, but I think it still qualifies as a short story. I'll let you decide.. As she stared wistfully at the photo in her hand, Ellie did not hear the little footsteps behind her, and she flinched as her little girl put a gentle hand on her arm. She looked at the photo, then up at her mother’s face. She had a faraway look in her eyes, and a wistful smile on her face. What was mummy thinking? “Are you all right, mummy?” she said, looking most concerned. “You look a bit sad.” “I’m fine, Shannon” she replied, ruffling her hair. “I was just thinking about happier times, that’s all.” “Who’s that with you?” Ellie swallowed hard, unable to answer her straight away. Shannon’s question came as no surprise – after all, she had never seen the man in the picture before. Despite all his promises to stand by her, no matter what, as soon as he found out she was pregnant he was gone from her life – just like that. She had come home from work one day, and found a note telling her that he was not ready to be a dad. Well, she had thought bitterly, he was only too ready to take away her innocence, and create a child with her. She had never heard from, or seen him since that day. He had never seen Shannon, who was now five. Still, that was his loss, she reasoned. Maybe one day he would realise just how rich she could have made him, but would the realisation come too late? She tried to push these painful thoughts to the back of her mind, and answered Shannon’s question. “Oh, that’s just someone I used to know” she said, deciding that the truth would be too painful for the child to take in. “He was a very good friend of mine.” “He looks nice, mummy” “Yes, he is” she said, smiling. “Anyway, we’d better get on. This packing won’t do itself!” She put the photo back in its box, and consigned it to the past, where it belonged. She had decided that she had had enough of living on past memories; she needed to make a new start. This house, and this town, had too many reminders for her – reminders of a love that had long since died. Every corner of every room had a memory indelibly printed on it, and every time she walked down the street, she saw places where she had walked with him, and where they had kissed under the stars, places where they had been happy and the future had held so much promise, until, for some inexplicable reason, things had turned sour. At first, it was like a light had been turned off in her life, and she found it difficult to face each new day, and she had often thought of giving up. Then she had looked down at her expanding stomach, and thought of the new life inside her, and realised that she had to make a life for herself and her baby. One night, when Shannon was in bed, she found herself thinking long and hard. While she lived in this house, she would never really be free of him. It was time to leave her old life behind, and make a new one for herself and her little girl. As she drove along the quiet country roads that led to her new home, she was suddenly filled with doubts. She had never met her new neighbours. What were they like? Were they the kind of people who would chat to her over the fence, or would they keep themselves to themselves, just stopping for a quick hello? She hoped they were friendly, because she’d had enough of being alone. That big old town had proved pretty lonely at times. It was funny how one could be surrounded by so many people, yet still feel lonely. As she drew up outside the little terraced house that she was hoping would signify a new beginning for herself and Shannon, she hesitated before climbing out of the car. This was a big step to take; she just hoped it was the right one. Just as she was about to open her front door, she was aware of someone looking at her. She turned, and saw a man about the same age as her. He was just over six feet tall, with sandy blond hair, and the most striking blue eyes she had ever seen. He smiled at her, but, she felt, his smile did not reach his eyes. A certain sadness seemed to lie behind them, and she felt her heart go out to him. “It’s nice to meet my new neighbours at last” he said, holding out his hand. “I’m Danny” “Lovely to meet you, Danny” she said, feeling her hand in the grip of a firm, but gentle handshake. “My name’s Ellie, and this is Shannon.” He glanced down at Shannon, and took her hand in his, shaking it gently. “Pleased to meet you, Shannon” he said, smiling as she shyly hid her face in her mother’s skirt. “You’re very pretty” “Thank you” she said, giving him a swift sideways glance. “I’d better let you get on” said Ellie, opening the door. “Your wife will be wondering where you are.” “What makes you think I’ve got a wife?” he said, the tremor in his voice taking her by surprise. “I live alone – well apart from my dog.” “I’m sorry” she replied, her face burning. “I didn’t realise. I shouldn’t have assumed.. I’m sorry…” “It’s all right” he said, putting a gentle hand on her arm. “If you need any help, let me know. I’ll see you around, I hope.” “Thank you, Danny. It’s lovely to meet you.” As she stood there staring out of her living window, looking out for the removal lorry, she could not get this man out of her mind. It was not just his striking looks, but she got the impression that pain lay behind his smile. He was alone, just the same as her. Maybe he was getting over a painful break up, just like her. If that was the case, she knew what he was going through, and she sympathised with him wholeheartedly. Maybe they could compare notes over a cup of coffee one day, she thought. It would be nice to talk to someone who understood. Her train of thought was interrupted by the removal van pulling up outside. She went outside, and after exchanging a few words with the men, she began to instruct them where to put her furniture. After everything was in place, it began to look a little more like home. Her heart sank, however, when she looked at all the boxes surrounding her – it was going to be quite a while before she was completely organised. She decided to make herself a well earned cup of coffee, but before she could sit down to drink it, she heard a knock on the door. It was Danny. “I saw the removal men leave” he said, for some reason he seemed unable to meet her eyes. “I just wondered if you needed any more help…” “Not at the moment, thanks” she replied, returning his smile. “Would you like to come in for a coffee? I’m just having one.” “Well, if you’re sure I wouldn’t be intruding…” “Of course not! Come in. It’ll be nice to have some adult company for a change!” She gestured to Shannon, who sat in a corner sorting through a box of toys, quite engrossed in her task. “I know what you mean” he said, sitting down at her kitchen table. “Living alone does strange things to you. I have a habit of talking to myself.” “Me too. Sometimes it’s the only way I can have an intelligent conversation!” They both laughed, but as the laughter faded, there was an awkward silence. They looked at each other, not quite sure what to say. He did not seem to want to stay for long, and, draining his coffee cup, he got up to leave. Suddenly, he froze, and she heard his sharp intake of breath, as he snatched his handkerchief from his pocket and sneezed violently, at least half a dozen times. “Are you all right?” she said, a look of concern on her face. “Excuse me” he replied, looking at her sheepishly. “That came out of nowhere!” As he began to walk away, she noticed something on the floor. It must have fallen out of his pocket when he made a sudden grab for his handkerchief. As she picked it up, she glanced at it briefly. It was a photo of a woman and a little girl. She was surprised at his reaction. “Can I have that, please?” he said, somewhat sharply, taking it from her hand. “It has great sentimental value to me.” “I thought you said you didn’t have a wife” she said, questioningly. “I don’t” he snapped, shooting her a look that told her not to question him further. “Thanks for the coffee.” “Danny, I’m sorry, I…” Before she could finish, he had walked out, and closed the door behind him. She sat there for a moment, tears burning her eyes, wondering what she had said to provoke such a reaction. He had seemed so friendly when he had first introduced himself, and he had come around offering help, so this sudden change of character had left her confused and hurt. Why was she hurt? She hardly knew this man, so why did she feel this way? Should she go after him? She decided not to. It was best to let him calm down before she asked him any more questions about his past. It was obvious he had been hurt, and she did not want to make the pain any worse, so she decided to wait until he was ready to talk to her. The next day, he apologised for snapping at her, but he was still not forthcoming about who the woman and the little girl were, and what they meant to him. As she sat in his living room one day, with Shannon, drinking coffee and chatting, she noticed another photo – a wedding photo. So much for not having a wife – so what had happened? He noticed her looking at the photo, and reached behind him, picking it up. As he stared at it, she saw his eyes fill with tears, and instinctively she reached out and touched his hand. She was surprised when he pulled it away. “Please, don’t” he said, his voice shaking. “Do you know, after all this time, it still hurts to look at this photo. Still, I can’t change the past…” “No” she agreed, her voice almost a whisper. “but you can look to the future.” “Not that easy” he said, his eyes full of pain. “We have to try” she replied, her heart aching for him. “I’ve been hurt too, you know. I know how you must feel…” “You have absolutely no idea how I feel” he said, his voice heavy with suppressed emotion. “No bloody idea! So don’t patronise me!” “I’m sorry” she said, her eyes burning. “I didn’t mean to.” “I know” he replied, putting his hand on hers. “I didn’t mean to shout at you. It’s just that it’s so difficult sometimes…” “Care to talk about it?” “Not really. I can’t talk about it, I just can’t…” “It’s okay” she said, her voice gentle. “Tell me when you’re ready. There’s plenty of time.” “I will – one day. Maybe when it doesn’t hurt so much.” “Danny, marriage break ups always hurt, but it does get better….” “There you go again, assuming things!” he yelled, making Shannon flinch. “You don’t know anything about me! You have no idea what happened to me, so just give it a rest. Drop it, can’t you? Just drop it!” Ellie stood there, stunned, as Shannon clung to her, glancing fearfully at him. “I think we’d better go, sweetheart” she said, her voice trembling. “We’ll come back another day, when Danny is feeling better.” “Why is he so angry, mummy?” said Shannon, as they walked back to their own house. “He made me jump when he shouted.” “I don’t know, darling. I think he’s sad, rather than angry, but I don’t know why. Still, he’ll tell us one day, when he’s ready.” The day gradually drew to a close, and after tucking Shannon into bed, and reading her a story, Ellie settled down to watch television. The curtains were still partly open, and she was startled as she saw a sudden flash of lightning. Seconds later, there was a huge clap of thunder. She knew Shannon would not be worried, as she had taught her from a very early age that storms were nothing to be frightened of. There was a second flash of lightning, and the thunder rumbled again. She swore as the room suddenly went black – that’s all she needed, a power cut. Luckily, she knew where a torch and her candles were, and fumbled around trying to find them. She was surprised to hear a knock at her door. She glanced out of her window before answering it. It was Danny – what was he doing here? She opened the door, and before she could say a word, he walked past her into the hall, muttering something about borrowing some candles. Bloody cheek, she thought, she didn’t recall asking him to come in! Still, she didn’t see any point in being angry with him – life was too short for that. She invited him to sit down, and went into the kitchen to search for some more candles. She jumped as an extra loud clap of thunder reverberated throughout the whole house. What happened next shocked her to the core. She heard an anguished cry from the living room, and when she went to investigate, she saw Danny sitting on the floor, his head in his hands, rocking back and forth, sobbing uncontrollably. She knelt down next to him, and put her arms around him, trying to comfort him, completely at a loss as to what could be wrong. There was another rumble of thunder, and he clung to her, crying so hard he could hardly breathe. “Danny, please” she begged, holding him close. “Whatever’s the matter? What’s wrong?” “Make it stop” he wept, his whole body shuddering. “Please, Ellie, make it stop! I can’t stand it! Please, no more!” “Make what stop?” she said, completely mystified. “Danny, what are you so scared of?” “Just make it stop!” he repeated, still clinging to her. “Please…” “The thunder?” she said, trying to make a tentative guess. “Are you scared of the thunder? Why, Danny? Come on, talk to me!” “I don’t like it!” He was still sobbing, completely beside himself. “All those huge bangs, one after the other! It brings it all back! Brings.. it… all… back –“ He choked out the last few words, almost as if he could not bear to say them. Ellie held him close, rubbing his back in a vain effort to console him. What was so terribly wrong? He seemed to be in so much pain, and right now it was obviously impossible to bear. She did not push him to say anything else, but just held him in silence, as the storm gradually died away. He pulled away from her, and returned to his seat on the sofa, rubbing furiously at his eyes with the back of his hand. She waited for him to speak. “I think I owe you an explanation” he said, the pain in his eyes almost more than she could bear. “Only if you want to” “Please, Ellie. I want to tell you, I can’t keep it inside any longer.” “Go on” she said, putting her hand on his; this time he did not pull away. “I did have a wife” he whispered, tears rolling down his face. “and a little girl. We were so happy, I thought it was too good to be true. Then, one night, I found out just how true that was. We were driving home one night, after an evening out with friends, and I could smell burning, so I pulled over. I lifted the bonnet, as I thought it must be the radiator overheating, then I saw flames coming out. I went to get the fire extinguisher from the back of the car, but suddenly I heard this horrible whooshing sound, and the whole car was suddenly engulfed in flames. My wife and little girl were still inside! I started screaming, and ran round to try and get them out, but I felt someone grab hold of me, and pull me away. I told them to let go of me, because my wife and child were in that car and I was going to get them out! They told me that they didn’t stand a chance, but I yelled and struggled, I couldn’t just let them die! As he pulled me away from the car, we didn’t notice petrol dripping from the tank, and all of a sudden, there was a huge bang, and the whole car went up! Then there were more bangs, as the petrol ignited. I was hysterical by then, and he couldn’t keep hold of me. It took four men to hold me down, as I watched that burning car, knowing my wife and daughter were inside… oh Jesus, Ellie…” “Oh, Danny!” She held him close, as they wept together. “No wonder you were scared. It must have brought back all the memories of that dreadful night. Oh God, I’m so, so sorry…” “You’re the only person round here who knows what happened” he whispered, his head still on her shoulder. “I had to leave my home – it wasn’t home without my precious family. There were so many painful memories there. Everywhere I looked, I saw my wife and my little girl, and I knew I just had to get away. It hurt so much, being in that house. I wanted to make a new start, but it’s proving to be so hard. It’s been three years since – since it happened, but the memories still hurt. I feel so lonely, Ellie, and I’m so scared. Sometimes I don’t want to get up in the mornings, there’s no point. Sometimes I just want to die…” “Don’t say that, Danny” she pleaded, holding his hands in hers. “You don’t have to feel scared any more. You don’t need to be alone. I can help you, if you’ll let me. I’ll tell you something, shall I? I feel lonely, too, and I’m tired of being alone. After Shannon’s father dumped me in the cruellest possible way, I was hurting so badly, and it’s only now I feel I can start over again….” “I can never replace Karen…” “I know. I’m not asking you to. I’m just offering you friendship, and a hand to hold when the going seems hard. We’re both hurting, Danny, but in different ways. We’re both in pain, maybe we can help each other…” “I still cry every now and again” he said, giving her a tremulous smile. “As long as you don’t mind the occasional wet shoulder…” “I don’t mind at all” she smiled, still holding on to him. “I’m glad you came here, Ellie” he said, his blue eyes searching hers. “I feel so much better now. I feel I can face the world again, as long as you’re here. Promise me, you’ll always be here. I don’t think I could bear it if you left. I don’t want to be alone again…” “Me neither” As they held on to each other, Ellie found herself wondering what the future would bring. For now, Danny just needed someone to ease his, until now, impenetrable pain, but maybe, given time, she would be able to teach him how to live again, and one day – she hoped and prayed – that one day, he would open his heart and let her in.
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