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Poetry
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The Other
By ellipinnock
11 March 2007
Complete rewrite of something transiently posted earlier in the week

I imagine.
    Dream my days away as dishes stack up in the sink.
I imagine you:
    flawless skin, soft and smooth as icecream.
I imagine him
    arching as you wrap strong thighs around him.
I imagine him imagining you
    as I fuss in front of the mirror, tugging at the softness of my belly.
I imagine him imagining you naked
    between Egyptian cotton sheets.
You imagine him watching me undress
    impatiently, simmering as I fold my clothes.
You imagine him watching me
    trying to change a tyre, the way he once taught you.
You imagine him
    whispering your name, following you.
You imagine me
    squashing you down into an old photograph, filing you away.
You imagine.
    Dreaming your days away as dishes stack up in the sink.

Reviews
The Other
Written by CliffBowes (176 comments posted) 11th March 2007
Hi Elli 
I think this is a well constructed poem. I particularly like the sharp contrast between the erotic images conjured up in the first 12 lines and the down to earth tyre changing line 14. 
You'd best go and get the washing up done now Elli.

Written by Fledermaus (3238 comments posted) 11th March 2007
Nice twist in the end. :)

Written by Phil (6635 comments posted) 11th March 2007
I liked the way this came full circle, and as Cliff mentioned, the contrast between the sensual and mundane. 
 
Loved: tugging at the softness of my belly  
 
Realy liked this Elli. 
 
Phil.
Quite agree Elli
Written by Josie (2732 comments posted) 11th March 2007
Can't say much more but agree with the above writers. Good writing!
very cleverly constructed
Written by fellpony (1574 comments posted) 11th March 2007
And also - because more understated - more securely triumphant than the previous version. Congratulations on both counts :)  
 
I read it a couple of times and have come back to review after thinking about it, because it well deserves thought and appreciation. I enjoyed it very much.

Written by Phil (6635 comments posted) 11th March 2007
Come back to reread. The more I read, the more I like. 
 
-Sorry about my previous spelling of really.
Hi Elli
Written by jean.day (2257 comments posted) 11th March 2007
I liked this version better than the other one. You were saying more or less the same things, but this time I understood it easier.  
 
I like the idea of one woman squashing the other down into a photograph.

Written by gutterkitty (362 comments posted) 12th March 2007
Not a fan to be honest. The repetition of the verb "imagine" doesn't do it for me; it gets in the way of the meaning and is a bit irritating. A lot of the images don't seem to mesh, and the metaphor of skin like ice-cream seems bizarre- ice-cream is cold and melts, not like skin at all! Well done for experimenting though.

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