Chapter 5

“Mummy!  Mummy!”

A small, but persistent voice cut through the early morning silence.  Donna sighed, and rubbed her eyes, trying desperately to wake up; she glanced over at Jon – he was still well away.  He looked as though an earthquake wouldn’t wake him, Donna could not help thinking how vulnerable he looked – his face was still tearstained, and he lay with one arm on the pillow beside him, his fist clenched – he looked so childlike, she thought, her heart aching.  She placed a featherlight kiss on his forehead, and got out of bed, making her way into Rosie’s room.  She stood up, shaking the bars of her cot, her face lit up when she saw Donna, she held out her arms.

“Mummy!” she said, smiling – a smile guaranteed to melt the hardest heart.

“Hello, sweetheart!” said Donna, lifting her out of the cot. “Oh dear!  I know what you need!”

“Daddy?” she said, looking over Donna’s shoulder.  “See daddy!”

“No, sweetheart!  Daddy’s sleeping!” she said.  “Come on, let’s get you dressed, then we’ll have some breakfast!”

As she sat at the breakfast table with Rosie, trying desperately to eat her own breakfast and keep Rosie’s on the table at the same time, her thoughts kept wandering to her husband.  They had been through some tough times together – at first she’d thought she’d lost him, then they’d found each other again, they’d suffered the heartbreak of losing a baby, then Rosie had come along, making their lives complete once again, it seemed they’d come through everything life had to throw at them and their love had been strong enough to take it.  Now it was being tested once again – why did this have to happen, she thought – the man she loved more than life itself was upstairs, his heart slowly breaking in front her eyes, and there was nothing she do about it, except hold him and love him.  Her train of thought was broken as a little voice said:

“Daddy! Cuddle, daddy!”

“Are you all right, love?” said Donna, putting her hand on his arm.

“Fine” he said, his voice expressionless.

He lifted Rosie out of her chair, and held her close, as her tiny arms crept around his neck, an unspoken gesture of unconditional love.

“Love daddy!” she said, lifting her head from his shoulder, and planting a gentle kiss on his cheek.  “Love my daddy!”

Donna felt her heart almost break in two at the expression on his face.  He desperately tried to smile, as the tears rolled unchecked down his face.  He rested his head on top of hers, shaking with almost silent, heartrending sobs, that carried only to Rosie’s ears.  Dear God, thought Donna, if Emily’s parents could see him now, maybe they would realise just what they’d done, or considering what they did to Emily, maybe they wouldn’t…

Rosie looked at Donna, her lips trembling.  She began to cry, as her gaze alternated between her mummy and daddy.

“Daddy cry!” she said, touching his face. She pointed at Donna.  “Mummy!  Daddy cry!  Cuddle daddy!”

She got up and walked round the table to where they stood.  She took Rosie, and gently placed her on the floor, where she toddled off into the living room, still glancing back at her daddy, wanting to know what was wrong, but not knowing how to ask.

Donna put her arms around him, and held him close, as he clung to her like a drowning person to a life raft.  He wasn’t crying now, he felt completely drained, quite unable to think straight.  She was at a loss as to what she should do, then it suddenly came to her.  It had been a while since they had spent time together as a family – they could go to the forest centre just a few miles away, get away from the crowds and the cameras.  It was what he desperately needed, to avoid breaking down altogether.  She suggested it.

“I’ll try anything!” he said, taking the cup of tea she offered him.  “I’ve got few free days!  Let’s make the most of them..     oh bugger it!”

“What’s wrong?”

“My biscuit’s fallen in my tea!”

As they talked, Rosie came toddling into the kitchen, with her teddy bear, dropping it on the floor.

“Oh, bugger it!” she said, bending down to pick it up.

Jon and Donna exchanged glances, before dissolving into helpless laughter.  Rosie looked at them, mystified as to what they found so funny, but, at the same time, delighted to see her daddy happy again.  They spent the rest of the day together, just watching TV while Rosie slept, then playing games with her.  Donna watched from the doorway, as Rosie sat on her daddy’s knee, while he read her a story.  As he turned the last page, and closed the book, she glanced up at him, and said:

“Sing, daddy!”

“Okay” he said. “I could never refuse a beautiful face – that’s why I married your mother!”

“Smooth talker!”

“….you raise me up so I can stand on mountains, you raise me up to walk on stormy seas, I am strong when I am on your shoulders..."

As Donna listened to the final notes fade away, she thought to herself that no matter how many wonderful voices she heard in her lifetime, she would never hear one as beautiful as this.  She would never tire of hearing it – she would often hear him singing to little Rosie when she was tired or poorly, it never failed to calm her.   Even at her very tender age, Rosie knew her daddy had a special gift, little did she realise just how many people thought exactly the same.  Donna sat down next to him, leaning her head on his shoulder.

“It’ll be all right” she said, turning his face towards hers, and kissing him in the way that was guaranteed to send him to heaven and back again.  “I love you!”

“I love you, too!” he said, a spark of life in his eyes.  “Why do you stay with me?”

“Because I love the way you hit those high notes!” she said, smiling.  “Seriously, why do you think?  I just told you – I love you!  It’s as simple as that.”

“It usually is” he said, glancing down at his daughter.  “I sometimes wish I could see life through her eyes – simple and uncomplicated!  Sometimes I wish I never had to grow up!”

“What makes you think you have?” she said, disappearing upstairs before he could answer her.  He sat there wondering what on earth she was doing – he did not have to wait long.

“I bought some new perfume the other day!” she said,  shoving her arm in front of his face.  “What do you think?  I think it smells rather nice!”

“Well, Donna..” he said, as his eyes began to water.  “It’s certainly different from what you usually wear, it’s very potent, isn’t it?  It…. Oh God, it’s no use, I can’t hold it in any longer……”

Donna watched incredulously as he was gripped by a sudden, uncontrollable sneezing fit.  He hardly stopped to draw breath, and was completely incapable of speech.  Rosie woke up, and, taking a tiny handkerchief from her pocket, she offered it to him.

“Bless you, daddy!” she said, giggling.

“It’s not funny!” he protested, wiping his streaming eyes.  “Oh God, I didn’t think I was ever going to stop!”

“I think I’d better go and wash it off!” said Donna, struggling to contain her mirth.  “Or is it me you’re allergic to?”

Later on, when Rosie was tucked up in bed asleep, they lay together talking about the day out they had planned.  Donna thought it was lovely to see him happy again, finally coming to terms with what had happened. Even though he would never forget Emily, he was beginning to accept that he wouldn’t see her again.  He was going to be content with what he had, and live the life he was meant to live.  Little did he know that the powers that be had decided that it wasn’t going to be that simple, and, very soon, fate was going to prove it to him in the cruellest possible way, something that he would remember for the rest of his days….