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Tears – A Villanelle
By CliffBowes
13 March 2007
I  am very fond of the Villanelle. (Dylan Thomas' Do not go gentle into that good night) Although Phil will probably hate the format, as he does the Sestina,  I would really appreciate his comments.
This poem was published in an anthology in 1994. I have tried to improve it but can't think how. So I left it as published.

 


 Stain not your face with salt soft tears.
The love you lost lives on within your head.
Sleep my love and dream away your fears.

Come morning, you’ll forget the jeers
which worried you so much in bed.
Stain not your face with salt soft tears.

You have lived so far with loveless leers
and words which best remain unsaid.
Sleep my love and dream away your fears.

Maybe the God you pray to hears,
when all around seems to have fled.
Stain not your face with salt soft tears.

Sad eyes, like rotting seaside piers
the salt made rust transforms them red.
Sleep my love and dream away your fears.
Count your rosary, chant Ave Marias,
cry for help from parents long dead.
Stain not your face with salt soft tears.
Sleep my love and dream away your fears.


 

 

Reviews

Written by Phil (6963 comments posted) 13th March 2007
I couldn't even tell you what a sestina is Cliff. Have I read one of yours and said I didn't like it? 
 
I've read a handful of villanelles, but couldn't confidently describe the form to anyone, just list some of its features. 
 
Anyway: the poem. I thought this was a gentle, sad but lovely piece with some strong images. The imperative form of the two most repeated lines works very, very well. The contrast of a direct command and its gentle caring nature combine quite powerfully. 
 
So did I hate the form? No. I loved the poem - but there's still a small part of me that wonders if it would be even better with the shackles off. 
 
Seriously Cliff - lovely. 
 
Phil.

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3569 comments posted) 13th March 2007
I'm not really bothered if it's a sestina. villanelle or a cortina to be honest,the mechanics of it don't interest me. I'll just read what's there and I was completely taken along with this I loved the sentiment ; and the subtle rhyming and the repetition all helped to emphasise the message. It all worked to make a piece that was more than the sum of its parts 
cheers 
J

Written by Lizzy (828 comments posted) 13th March 2007
I'm not really into poetry and don't come here often but glad I did today. 
Sad, gentle and thoughtful!
Tears – A Villanelle
Written by CliffBowes (176 comments posted) 14th March 2007
Thanks for your kind comments Lizzy, BBS and Phil. You did express dislike of the Sestina on 14th Feb when you commented on my Seagulls Sestina Phil. I'm very pleased that you and the others seemed to like this one. Thanks again. 
Cliff

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