Great Writing - Home > Poetry > A Still Stream
READING ROOM
Great Writing - Home
Read and review others' work
Articles on writing
Advice from the community
COMMUNITY
Talk to others in the forums
Events and Competitions
GW News
ABOUT GREAT WRITING
All About Us
Contact Us
WORK AWAITING REVIEW
GW IS...
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you can make new friends and improve your creative writing.
WHO'S ONLINE
We have 1170 guests online and 3 members online
Poetry
A Still Stream
By andrewbalerdi
14 March 2007
A still stream.
To the side two people sit on the overhanging grassy bank.
Above, sky, blue only blue with wisps and hints of clouds never to make rain or sleet or snow.
Serene.
The two sit as if in states of contemplation – masses, continents, islands, deep, so deeply emerged in opaque exclusivity and singularity -  yet in deed they sit.
And we suppose everything that may be occurring:
in their minds, their lives,
or in the mahogany coffin that slowly wriggles behind them.
The stream runs on.
The two watch their reflections respectively.
Those looks, that coffin.
The stream runs on.    

Reviews

Written by Phil (6845 comments posted) 14th March 2007
Sorry, not with you. 
 
Hopefully others will have greater insight. 
 
Phil.

Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 17th March 2007
The stream of time yeh? Or have I missed the mark spectacularly?! 
 
I liked elements of this but I think it needs a bit more development. The coffin idea comes in very abruptly. I don't think the way you've structured this aids understanding either. But if I've interpreted it correctly I do like the ideas. 
 
Elli

   Only registered users can rate and write comments.
   Please login or register.

Powered by AkoComment 2.0!

 Previous item   Next item