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It’s always been my ambition to be a Dictator - that would be my dream job. I want to be the ruthless Dictator of somewhere, any country will do as long as it bends unquestioningly to my will. That doesn't mean I'm a bad person, you understand, it’s just that there are so many lazy, inefficient, unreliable and untrustworthy people in the world who will lie, mislead, break promises, and otherwise lead you up the garden path that absolute power seems to hold unending attractions. What pleasure to live in a world where a simple knowing nod to a loyal henchman would solve all your problems. I think I would easily adapt to that lifestyle without so much as a twinge of conscience:
‘Sire, we have captured all those pitiful wretches who have so displeased you, including that plumber who never turned up, the guy who still owes you twenty five quid and that bloke whose car alarm was going off all last night. They are chained in the courtyard as we speak, awaiting your justice.’
‘Good, good. Take them to the holding cell..... Mungo will deal with them heh heh.’
‘Of course Sire, er…you mean Mungo the half-witted mute child-giant who, with his unhinged cousin Igor, has taken the torture and suffering in your dungeons to new and exquisite levels of mercilessness?’
‘Well…. how Mungos do you know?’ - You see, even then there could be problems recruiting the right sort of staff. (Luckily I already know Mungo and Igor – they’re both up for it.)
I haven’t yet made my mind up whether to live in a colossal stone fortress with mighty buttresses and lofty towers or a hollowed out volcano. I suppose I’m probably more of a colossal fortress man on the whole - that would certainly sound more impressive if you were out on the pull – Hey baby you wanna come back and see my mighty buttresses? and you could argue that volcanoes are a bit passé. And I must include piranhas somewhere. Bit of a cliché I know but I definitely want piranhas.
In the long run I would become corrupted by power - these things tend to end up that way. The forces of good would ultimately triumph and I would perish horribly in a Gotterdammerung of my own creation.
Still, it'd be a laugh for a while.
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Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 15th March 2007 | I suspect it is a good thing that you and I will never be tested in our desires to have this sort of dream job. I'm with you all the way on wanting to be a dictator, though wouldn't fancy the perishing horribly in a Gotterdammerung scenario.
Actually, for a short time, I was a dictator and it was really great. And then, Goddammit, my little sister was born.
This was marvelously funny, Sir Nigel, and now I know how you came by that title. |
Written by Livinginanattic (473 comments posted) 15th March 2007 | | Those car alarms need to be dealt with ruthlessly don't they? This was good fun. Enjoyed. |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3569 comments posted) 16th March 2007 | I think the one thing that should automatically bar anyone from a position of power is a desire to attain it and I think you have proved this to be true.
I thought it was a really funny piece with some great lines in it. I could even overlook you going a bit pretentious at the end. You have a naturally funny style of writing
cheers
J
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Written by Phil (6963 comments posted) 17th March 2007 | Funny piece, enjoyed the read. Though you might want to give yourself a promotion from mere 'sir.'
Phil. |
Written by anorwegianwood (278 comments posted) 19th March 2007 | I vote stone fortress. Volcanoes sound exciting, but imagine the housekeeping problems.
~Claire |
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