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Terminator Harrys Loose in London |
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By Talisker
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15 March 2007 |
In the strangest “Hollywood becomes reality” news of the year, it has been revealed that “Terminator” type droids, identical to the ginger-nut third in line to the throne, are on a list of possible weapons to be used against insurgents in Iraq. A leaked MOD document has revealed that the British secret services are working on a project code named “Prisoner of Azkaban”. The project team is designing a humanoid, identical in every way to the foppish, pale, lanky, ging-er, Eton flop, in order to lure would be kidnappers into the hands of the inept Iraqi insecurity forces. Unfortunately, the project had to be suspended due to insufficient funds available to provide boots for the army-uniformed twat-droid. MI11 super-spook, Sir Humphrey Pumphrey explained… “Our soldiers are required to supply their own boots, cell phones and sat-nav systems. The droids had no money and were therefore shelved…” Rumours that it was one of the droids who walloped a paparazzi outside salubrious Cinderella Rockerfella’s club in the West End are being promulgated by the palace. Rotters News Agency 15/03/07 |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3351 comments posted) 15th March 2007 | Do I take it you are not a fan of the royal carrot-top?He's certainly gets the sharp end of your wit. I was going to ask what the royal family had ever done to upset you and then I remembered you were scots--silly question.
A suitably silly concept, good fun too,but the real bit of surreal genius was the army expecting manufactured androids to provide their own boots, a slight oversight,eh.
Proves the old joke that Military Intelligence is a good example of an oxymoron.
cheers
J |
Written by Livinginanattic (456 comments posted) 15th March 2007 | | Yes, your irreverence for the royal family definitely shines through here. Again I thought this was good fun and thought the reason for the project being shelved was very funny. Cheers. |
Written by givitsum (651 comments posted) 15th March 2007 | I must say Oli, you're disrespect for anything Royal is very strange.
Anyone would think that over the past few centuries, the reigning monarch had instigated sorties north of the border to rape and pillage your villages, hang/draw/quarter anyone not swearing allegiance to him, and flatten your ill-equipped armies. Probably.
Funny piece though, well done.
Rgds
Givitsum |
Written by coosh (867 comments posted) 16th March 2007 | | You have me at a disadvantage here, Oli, insofar as I know so little about the Royal Family, I doubt I could recognise more than about six of them. In fact, from your eloquent opening description, I wrongly assumed that this was the son of that fat ginger slag whose post-toe-sucking career ended in America with a job working for a charity run by Ronald McDonald. Particularly enjoyed the expression "army-uniformed twat-droid" - don't see it used often enough in the papers down here. Did Edward ever get a job after It's A Knockout? Nice and biting, good stuff. |
Written by Phil (6713 comments posted) 16th March 2007 | I thought you were going soft with:
foppish, pale, lanky, ging-er, Eton flop
But when I got to:
army-uniformed twat-droid
I was relieved - although you still went pretty easy on him.
ENjoyed this Oli.
Phil. |
Written by Fledermaus (3281 comments posted) 21st March 2007 | | Now there you have a new use for them, as bait for papparazi. I don't know very much about British royalty, but when I read the title I thought of a destructive prince Harry robot. Somehow I picture him as a reincarnation of Henry VIII. |
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