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Two trees

By mmSeason

16 March 2007

This was "cherry-picked" on abctales.com, a while back, though i'm not present there any more.
mand

TWO TREES
(c) mmSeason 2001

Two bare trees
leaning together
in lonely lifelessness
midground, against cold fog background.
No one said
they would go green
bound into one mass
with paired trunks
middle of a lush grazing field.
Here amid downfalling
July rain
two celebrating trees
through misted windscreen stand gazed at.

Reviews

Written by Phil (6713 comments posted) 16th March 2007

Have to confess, this does little for me. Reads like a series of notes made when looking at a scene with no refinements made afterwards. Maybe I'm missing something. Sorry.

Perhaps others will see it differently.

Phil.

Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 17th March 2007

I like parts of this very much. Im not keen on the way you've structured the last line - it reads very awkwardly to me. In fact overall I'm not sure that this is structured in the right way - might read better with longer line lengths for a start. I did like the image I got from reading this.

Elli

Thanx for reviewing.
Written by mmSeason (32 comments posted) 20th March 2007

Phil - funnily i thought it was just a list too (more or less) and couldn't understand why it was cherry-picked, but my local writing group loved it and saw references to a relationship that i'd missed!

Elli - thinking about it i agree and will try shaping it with longer lines sometime.

Thanx for reviewing.
mand

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