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Samuel Greens and The Zombie Legend: Part 1
By Harrywilo
16 March 2007
Woodland areas are - in the most part - nice, pleasant, serene places, where smiley people in hiking boots take their dogs for walks in the early hours of the day’ when they clearly should be in bed. 


However, they are the cause of much horror in film, television and book; most recently in The Blair Witch Project, however, even many classic children’s fairy tales, such as Red Riding Hood, Goldilocks and the Three Bears and Snow White have scary woods for their protagonists to get all…well…scared in. 


I will warn you now; this is a story involving a scary woodland area. The reason for its scariness is the legend that befalls it. It is a legend of zombie terror.


A zombie terror that is clearly a load of mythical shite that none of the residents of the surrounding area believe in anymore. Jeffery Billion was no different; his exact words (if told about the zombie legend) would be ‘what a load of bloody tosh’ in his very stereotypically posh English accent. Of course, he also didn’t believe in taxes for the rich or national health care, but everyone is allowed an opinion; even right wing bastards.


The drunken figure of Jeffery Billion was walking through the woods in question, and well, he wasn’t as sure about the legend’s ‘toshness’ as he would normally be (although he was still damn sure that Thatcher was the best thing to happen to Britain). His expensive black blazer and salmon coloured tie were thrown back with the cold wind’s force and it’s at about this time he decided that his decision to try and drive home after his brothers birthday party was probably the wrong one; not that it mattered if his car was written off, insurance would cover that, but, well…it was bloody cold…and dark…and his £500 shoes were getting terribly muddy…plus, the wind howling in the trees sounded awfully like the low moans of a…well…he wasn’t going to admit it to himself, but…it sounded like…zombies


His mind drifted to the story of the zombie legend, despite his best efforts not to think about it. He wasn’t exactly an expert on the matter, but he knew the dead were meant to rise from the cemetery, which was situated in the woods, every day of October at midnight, leading up to Halloween on the 31st of the month. They would take any poor soul who happened to be walking through the woods at the time. What they did if no one was in the woods at that time, Jeffery did not know. They probably just got pissed and partied all morning; they didn’t have to get up until twelve the next night, so it made sense.


He didn’t know the origins of the legend, either and pretended he didn’t care as he quickened his pace after he heard more moaning (howling wind, sorry) behind him. Jeffery wasn’t used to walking, or exercise of any kind, so was getting rather tired; his chubby little cheeks were very red and beads of sweat poured down them from his forehead.


The ‘wind’ was getting louder…closer…it was surrounding him…he speeded up…but not for long, as he felt his legs about to give way from being on them too much. He stopped, hands on thighs, and coughed loudly, breathing heavily.


He stood up straight again, hand on chest, and turned to look to the side of him. Through the trees he could just make out the cemetery and instinctively looked at his watch; through glazed over eyes he saw that it was just past midnight.


It was also the first day of October. 


He shook his head and laughed to himself. ‘What a load of bloody to-’ a hand was suddenly on his shoulder. He turned around in horror and stumbled back, falling over, covering his whole suit in mud.


“It can’t be…” he started to crawl away clumsily. “It’s just tosh…tosh…”


Three pairs of hands grabbed him and dragged him to a swamp just outside the cemetery. His screams were silenced as he disappeared into the swamp with his captors. As was his heartbeat.



TO BE CONTINUED

Reviews

Written by alamo (32 comments posted) 16th March 2007
I think this is a good piece. I like the witty style and the narrator's interference and prejudices ("right wing bastards"). It's an interesting way to tell a zombie story.  
 
The main character (great name by the way) was good, I liked how his thoughts and attitudes blended in with the narrative, "toshness" and the "terribly muddy" shoes.  
 
I liked the ending, definitely made me want to read more. 
Looking forward to part two.

Written by Lizzy (781 comments posted) 16th March 2007
I'm so pleased he was 'got' with his views he deserved to be but no doubt, with others of his kind, he will return in a much worse form to 'haunt' us. 
A nice fast moving piece and funny, looking forward to the next installment. 
Lizzy

Written by Phil (6393 comments posted) 17th March 2007
Alamo -'Right wing bastards' is not a prejudice, it's a simple statement of fact. 
 
Enjoyed the lighthearted style of this and like the above was pretty pleased when Jeffery met his well foreshadowed end. 
 
Penultimate sentence: should it be, 'His screams were silenced.?' 
 
Good stuff. I just wonder what type of cruel zombie Jeffers will make.... 
 
Phil.

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