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Random Perceptions of a Modern Call Centre |
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By foxmulder
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16 March 2007 |
I used to work in a call centre and I truly hated it. They are horrible places to work. This is a diatribe I wrote after I quit that job. It's satirical but some of it is quite true. The rank and file slug their way to the front door of the office from varying directions in the morning, most on foot. Tired eyes and pale skin indicate their health but a smile is not uncommon amongst the rabble as masks are lifted for another day of endurance. A high percentage of the workers smoke and, seen from a distance, resemble a multitude of steam trains pulling in to a central station. Managers park their new cars in the allotted spaces next to the office and get out of the cars alone, no rank and file is ever collected along the way, even in the winter.
Once inside, computers are brought to life as machines would once have been by generations past. The first order of the rank and files’ day is to take a stimulant, which is usually inexpensive coffee vended via a modern trough. Sat at their desk, the rank and file put on their telephonic headset device, used to receive the mass of incoming calls, and thus complete the metamorphosis from human being to allegorical battery chicken. A beep in the ear signals the first customer of the day, angry Mrs Bauer who, with a complaint regarding the service she has been receiving by the company, is set the rip away any shred of dignity the rank and file may still possess. Early morning sunshine comes through the windows and causes glare on the monitors, a catalyst for the headaches that spread like a virus throughout the floors. And so it goes on throughout the day…
Authority is a tiered system with each progressive level seemingly more ruthless than the last. It is impossible for lowly rank and file to communicate with higher authority in any way, they must go through the line manager in the first instance, who is usually unapproachable and reticent himself. The line manager will often mate with various lowly rank and file at various intervals during the year, inevitably increasing the tension within the department. The subordinates who do not copulate with the line manager are therefore at a disadvantage when it comes to future progression within the company. It is for this reason that there exists a strong genetic lineage within the higher authorities of modern call centres and it is also why call centre owners are often so confident about the future.
Morale within the rank and file is generally low and authority believes the best way to combat this is to arrange weekly alcoholic binges at the local tavern. The more astute workers recognise this for the fraud that it is; for it is only another opportunity for the line managers to mate with more members of the workforce. This event then, promoted as recreation and camaraderie for the subordinates, is in fact nothing more than a rigged cattle market for members of the ascendancy.
The rank and file watch the clock heedfully throughout the day and are out of their seat barely a second after five pm, rushing to get their coats that hang like new skins in the cloakroom, ready for the rebirth back into the human state. The smiles on the faces, however, are now genuine and, although they have missed the sunlight, the evening air confirms their life. Lighting a cigarette, the trains pull out of the station.
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Written by Phil (6738 comments posted) 16th March 2007 | Yep, it must be a foul job - because all of us who ring you up think you're the bastards, not your employers. You're just the shmucks your employers hide behind.
Non-fiction or short story - not Not News. Enjoyed nevertheless.
Phil. |
Written by Livinginanattic (456 comments posted) 17th March 2007 | Having worked in call centres myself, I think much of this is true. I'll have to say the managers weren't really trying to copulate with the workforce, there were too many CCTV cameras and the chances for career progression were almost nonexistent anyway. Most of my managers were women and I certainly didn't get any offers!
Plenty of dark humour here, enjoyed very much although like Phil says, perhaps not really a Not News item. |
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