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Elton John Knits Own Red Nose |
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By Talisker
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16 March 2007 |
Super rich tight-wad Sir Elton John admitted yesterday that he knitted his own Red Nose to avoid donating a pound to Comic Relief.
The be-toupéd, cross-dressing, nineteen-seventies popster, who spends over one million pounds a week on flowers, was forced to admit his extraordinary niggardliness to Jonathan Woss, when the weft-circular knitted, crimson protuberance fell off during a Comic Relief performance.
“It just wooked wong”, said Woss, “it was wound and it was wed, but it was wong, it didn’t wing twue – weally!, the super witch wascal!”
John, born Wedge Dright in 1847, was unrepentant:
“Me and my civil partner hate charity with a passion”, he explained “its just poor people trying to make me poor too. Why can't they just be genius performers like me, instead of piggy-backing on my obscene wealth?”.
It emerged that John also knitted the wedding dress which he wore when he tied the knot with partner, MFI employee, Dave Furniture.
Source: Olinews International
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Written by Phil (6730 comments posted) 16th March 2007 | Deserves all he gets and more - as Wossy would say - wanker. (whoops)
ENjoyed .
Phil.
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Written by Glossa (18 comments posted) 17th March 2007 | 
Funny and clever. Loved the "It just wooked wong..." bit. And the rest of it! |
Written by Lizzy (800 comments posted) 17th March 2007 | | Great fun! |
Written by Livinginanattic (456 comments posted) 17th March 2007 | | This is very funny. I wonder if he knitted the toupe as well? |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3362 comments posted) 18th March 2007 | Olinews International- First with the new and the lawsuits
How about that for a slogan for your news company?
I do agree there is something vaguely obscene about the red nose day palarva,The super rich chiding us poor schmucks or not giving enough
And I bet he got the wool on ebay too!!
cheers
J |
Written by Merioneth (79 comments posted) 16th April 2008 | Yup, BottleBlonde is right, whenever I see celebrities on TV beseeching us to "please give, together we can end (whatever cause they're shilling for)".
What's all this WE stuff? Hell, alone you could probably get the job done, and likely have enough money left over to celebrate your curing Multiple Sclerosis on a brand-new private island! |
Written by Brett (785 comments posted) 16th April 2008 | Laughed my arse off. You've hit the nail right on the head - now save the hammer for Sting and Bono. If there's anything worse than mega rich pretentious egomaniacs telling you how to vote, think, or that you're not pulling you're weight, it's the those who do it under a singular, and daft, name. This never used to happen with Blind Lemon Jefferson or Jelly Roll Morton!
Cheers |
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