My mind went back to the past two months, the worst time in my life, robbed, fired, and alone. I planned to go back home but I had one thing to do before I could go back with my head high. I had gotten the court papers a week ago and slowly a plan formed. My hands shake still even after the pills the counselor had prescribed and any little noise makes me jump. That will end soon I kept reminding myself. I searched for 4 days to find the right handgun the same model of the one that had been stuck in my face, a Ruger P94 9MM. The barrel did not look as big as it did on that late night. Shaking those thoughts from my head I loaded the clip.

Almost time for my ride to show up and I checked my suited reflection in the full mirror in my tiny apartment. Everything had to be perfect. The picture of the girls, taken last July is taped to the top of the mirror that seemed so long ago. I had talked to them yesterday but it was not very comfortable their Mommy was dating someone new now. I have to do this to get my life back I kept reminding myself as I locked the door and walked into the parking lot. Officer Rick Stephens was right on time as I knew he would be. He had been the first officer to respond that night and through him I had met with the support group. Repeatedly they talked of getting your life back and now I was well on my way to getting this done.

Rick tried to make small talk on the way to the court house but my mind was on the gun that was digging into my back and I barely answered him. Suddenly we were in front of the court house my hands started shaking and I froze up. I could hear Rick talking to me but I did not understand what he was saying to me. ‘I can’t go through that door Rick’ I said with panic in my voice. Rick looked at the court house door trying to think of a way to get me in there so I could testify. I could see his face brighten when he had a thought and I hoped it was the one I needed. ‘I can take you in through the basement’ he said. Perfect. ‘I might be able to do that’ I said pitifully.

I felt bad for playing Rick like this but I have to do this I want my life back.

Sitting on the bench I went through my plans again and again. So much depended on others I hope it works. Finally they call my name and I step through the door. My eyes roam I can see quite a few police officers waiting to testify on other cases. Rick is sitting on the left and he gives me a thumbs up as I pass him. After I am sworn in I finally get a look at the man that destroyed my life. He is wearing a wrinkled suit and he looks bored. My hands are shaking again but I hide them in my lap as the lawyers start questioning me. I answer their questions mechanically and I just stare at the wrinkled suit. The judge tells me I can step down and as I step down my mugger just smiled at me as if this was a game to him. I angled torwards him and out of the corner of my eye I see Rick stand up slowly with a confused look on his face. My suit jacket was not buttoned and I take my hand and slowly reach behind me. The wrinkled suit stands and gives me another smile and looks around as if saying ‘What are you going to do with all these cops around?’ His smile slipped away when I pressed the gun into his hands. He gave me a look of pure terror as I threw my self to the ground and screamed ‘He has a gun!’