Okay, I know that this really is news. But where else could I put it?
A man in Scotland recently made the shocking discovery that he has more pairs of shoes than his wife does.
‘I have to say I’m stunned,’ said Mr Sturman, 48. ‘Up until very recently I’ve nagged her about all her shoes. I mean, you know how it is with women. They don’t just have a pair of trainers, a pair of wellies, and a pair of dress shoes, do they? It’s sandals and boots and high heels and low heels and every bloody colour and style – and some they only wear a dozen times a year. . .! But then last week we had the builder in to repair the cracks in the conservatory roof. And we had to bring in all the shoes – every single pair. And, well, I can't account for it, but it appears that I’ve got more.’
Mr Sturman said that as a postman, decent shoes are an absolute necessity. He also maintains that the three pairs of sandals are useful in the summertime, given his current employment, and the five pairs of walking boots will come in handy some day should he go back to the healthy exercise regimen his wife so eagerly promotes. The three pairs of slippers/house shoes and six pairs of trainers were bought on special offer and will most likely come in handy some day, no matter what his wife’s opinion might be. And he had no way of knowing that the eighteen pairs of high heels, the strap-back beaded fuschia kitten heels, knee-high lemon yellow high-heeled boots, or the purple-and-green snakeskin pumps with ankle strap belonged to his teenaged daughters and not his middle-aged wife.
‘She’s really very vain,’ he insisted, 'and such a clotheshorse. Even if she did buy her last pair of decent shoes over three years ago. And she’s hell bent on shopping, too. Right now she’s out window shopping at all the charity shops in Dumfries!’
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Written by Lizzy (793 comments posted) 20th March 2007 |
Well put.
I am always being accused of buying shoes or handbags, but who in our house has more shirts and jumpers. Could be I suppose that its me who buys all his shirts and jumpers. |
Written by coosh (867 comments posted) 20th March 2007 |
| Having lived with Brazil's answer to Imelda Marcos for the last sixteen years, I find this story totally inconceivable. I am convinced that some of the pairs of Salvatore Ferragamo fuck-me shoes lying about the place are purely for ornamental purposes, to be shown only to lady friends who arrive sporting brand new handbags. An excellent item for "Not News", Witzl, and I hope the conservatory is finished. Tell me, can you buy fuck-me socks - not necessarily in Dumfries? |
Hi Mary
Written by jean.day (2279 comments posted) 20th March 2007 |
| Enjoyed this. I am not a shoe fettishist, and I wouldn't be surprised if my husband has more shoes than me. But it is because he buys them, wears them once, decides they are not comfortable, so goes and buys some more. |
shoe cupboards
Written by Glossa (18 comments posted) 20th March 2007 |
| I am eagerly awaiting delivery of some shoe cupboards. They are considered essential here in Germany. One should not store shoes under the bed or in the bottom of the wardrobe because they make your bed / clothes smell, so they say. I'd bet that any number of pairs of Manolo Blahniks would not smell as bad as my husband's trainers which as I speak are shivering on the balcony where they must stay until my new cupboards arrive. Only problem is, have I ordered enough of them? He's got bloody big feet. |
Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 20th March 2007 |
Thank you for your comments, everyone. The male-female shoe wars can be pretty fierce.
I have to hand it to my husband for admitting that he had more shoes than I; it couldn't have been easy. When we moved from Cardiff to Tokyo, a student of mine came by and found us having an argument about my excessive number of shoes: eight pairs, I believe. She was amazed: 'Is that all you've got, Mary! etc. Others have confirmed this: for a female, I am surprisingly low on shoes. But the husband maintains I'm a regular old Imelda Marcos -- an American one, of course.
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Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 20th March 2007 |
I have to hold my hands up and say that I have a fair number of pairs of shoes...mostly because I can never bear to throw any away. This is a constant source of amusement to my other half who always insists that he has only three pairs - now I have counted and I reckon you've got to multiply that by at least four so I'm more than impressed that your husband has admitted to this...
Liked this one - gave me a good laugh 
Elli |
Written by Phil (6713 comments posted) 20th March 2007 |
I just can't believe it. I have one quarter of our wardrobe space and Lisa 'never has anything to wear.' The female psyche is an unfathomable thing from this side of the fence. And don't start me on handbags, I don't even have one.
Phil.
(Enjoyed) |
Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 20th March 2007 |
| I've got one handbag, Phil. And it's a hand-me-down. Handbags cost money, and ladies rarely get rid of them, for some reason, so there are fewer good ones available at my favorite boutiques, L'Oxfam, Les Barnados, and Le Foundation du Couer Anglais. But my husband, were he to read your comment, would no doubt commiserate with you and lead you to believe that my closet is choked with handbags. He has no idea what a good deal he has! |
Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 20th March 2007 |
| And thank you for the reviews, Elli and Phil! |
Bravo
Written by givitsum (651 comments posted) 20th March 2007 |
Nice work Witz, thats the sort of thing 'not news' is all about.
To me though, its stretching the realms of possibility too far. What self-respecting Scot would waste money on more than one pair of shoes? He's more likely to own one pair, and several tubs of shoe dye.
Funny stuff Witzl, enjoyed.
The G-man. |
Not my domain really
Written by patterjack (1193 comments posted) 20th March 2007 |
I have a wife who sometimes insists that I buy something new in clothes or shoes, long before I need them . Could it be that , when I go out with her , she looks well dressed and I look like a bag of onions tied in the middle ? Sackville Row could not do anything for my sartorial side.
And being ,shall we say , pleasantly plump ( yes I am plump , you are fat and he is obese ! I do not feel the cold . Why then do my relatives insist on buying me sweaters ?
I have a cupboard chock a block full of moth collectors .
patterjack
And I was intending to say stop picking on your husband , witzl , but decided to laugh sympathetically instead . Clever reversal of the usual and most enjoyable reading |
Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 21st March 2007 |
Thank you, givitsum and Brian. Yes, I know I'm stretching things here a little, posting this in 'Not News.' But what the heck.
I really don't pick on my husband, though I am sorely tempted. On a trip down to Cardiff years back, he purchased a maroon colored blazer on sale (when I had turned my back for about ten minutes). He wears this over a tee-shirt, with jeans -- and a baseball cap -- with his oldest pair of shoes, which are flecked with paint. I'm hardly a fashion plate but next to him, I might as well be 5th Avenue. |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3351 comments posted) 21st March 2007 |
I have to say I'm with Givitsum on this. I can just about believe that a man has more shoes than his wife but surely not a Scotsman, actually if his wife is Scots as well they probably have one pair between them and take it in turns to go out. Dinner parties could be a problem but they could claim the hopping is part of an exercise programme
Good post [truth is certainly stranger than fiction]
J |
Written by Fledermaus (3281 comments posted) 21st March 2007 |
Well it does often surprise me how many shoes women have. I once visited a friend who has three sisters and it looked like a shoeshop over there. On the other hand... I'm not going to count my own shoes 
Nice little piece of not news. |
Written by woody44 (775 comments posted) 21st March 2007 |
When I say my wife Janet was overjoyed when our son left hope because it meant she had, at long last, more wardrobe space for her multitude of shoes, you will see where I am coming from. Me? I have four pairs.One pair of brown, one black, a pair of rambling boots and a pair of wellies (do slippers count?)
Nice amusing read Witzl.
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Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 22nd March 2007 |
Thank you, Jane, Fledermaus and Woody44.
Yesterday I read out everyone's comments to my husband and he laughed his head off. He was very pleased that his wealth in shoes should have generated such amusing and spirited discussion.
Really, this should be two stories. (1), that he has more shoes than I do (and yes, slippers do count, Woody!), but (2) that he admitted it to me. He's a great guy really, even with all those damn shoes. |
Written by Talisker (1326 comments posted) 22nd March 2007 |
It is not normal, masculine behaviour to collect shoes. I am concerned that your husband is expressing some repressed sexual identity.
I would padlock my undies drawer and wardrobe if I were you - otherwise you may return some day to find Mr. Witzl in your corset, twinset and pearls 
Enjoyed the read.
Oli |
Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 22nd March 2007 |
Witzl is my very own name, Oli. The husband has his own name. He also has his own clothes. Bless him, he couldn't get into my undies if he wanted to. And I've never owned a corset or a twinset in my life, though I do have false pearls. Somewhere.
No, I don't have to worry about him poaching my things; it's the damn kids who use my decent shoes to take out the garbage or -- on one memorable occasion -- to school. Where she banged them up good, too. |
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